delved into
delved into
tiffany
rated pg
i love tiffany, but tiffany biases beware...
lots of angst :\
“Jalmuhguhsseumnida!” Tiffany cheerfully announced, but then she glanced at her plate and saw the plate was nearly clean. She looked to her left and saw Taeyeon’s plate, which were adorned with mixed fruits and vegetables. Tiffany frowned. Her own selections weren’t nearly as healthy as Taeyeon’s, and she had finished them all. Instead, Taeyeon didn’t even look like she could finish her plate of food.
To her right, Yuri let out a deep, content sigh as she put down her chopsticks. “Aish…I can’t finish. I am so full.” She said with a small smile. “But it is so yummy…”
“Unnie, pass it over here!” Yoona said and without further ado, grabbed Yuri’s unfinished meal and started poking at Yuri’s unfinished jajangmyun.
“Yoona, be a little more lady like,” Jessica demanded as she lightly dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin. Her plate of fruit salad was done, but Tiffany noticed that Sica’s portions were smaller than anyone else’s. Tiffany glanced over at Yoona, who continued to finish Yuri’s bowl of jajangmyun, to Seohyun, who munched on her sweet potatoes quietly. Next to Seohyun, Sooyoung was picking up after the other member’s dishes, along with Hyoyeon and Sunny, who barely finished their kimbap. Hyoyeon and Sunny, with their short legs, trailed behind long-legged Sooyoung into the kitchen.
“Yoona yah, when finish the jajangmyun, you bring the bowl in and wash it yourself, arraso?” Sooyoung said before going to wash the dishes with Sunny and Hyoyeon.
“Unnie! Ah, jinjja.” She groaned before returning to the bowl of food.
Tiffany’s stomach curled. Yoona and Sooyoung could eat as much as they like, but they never gain a pound, and they eat an average of seven times a day. Sunny too. Sunny eats unhealthily, but she manages to stay as small and petite as she was when she was ten years old. Hyoyeon eats whatever she wants but burns it all off with her excessive dancing. Seohyun and Yuri are too health-conscious to eat anything unhealthy; not to mention they’re naturally skinny. Taeyeon and Jessica know their limits. They used to be a bit chubby during their debut days, but naturally slimmed down due to their excessive dance rehearsals and overwhelming schedule.
It seemed like it was only Tiffany that kept on eating and gaining.
She remembered prior to debuting… they had told her to lose weight the moment she stepped off the plane in Korea. So she worked hard. She attended practices and stay late at nights many a-times, just so she could work out, work harder. She couldn’t really dance, but she worked hard. Those late nights, extra practices, lack of sleep-they slimmed her. Her vocals weren’t as great as Taeyeon or Jessica’s, and she never really did receive one-on-one training like some of the ‘better’ trainees, but she was good enough. She was satisfied. It was her hard work that ended up with her being one of the first selected to join the project group “So Nyuh Shi Dae.”
But her heart dropped when she searched up Girls’ Generation on Daum, Naver, Google… and she could see her own profile. Official weight: 50 kg/ 110 lbs. She was the heaviest of the girls. (Not to mention that they had already rounded off her weight down a little.)
But right after SNSD’s big success with ‘Gee’ and ‘Genie,’ their schedule seems more overwhelming than ever. Being up and working for 20-hour days were just too stressful. Not to mention that when Stephanie is overwhelmed, she turns to food.
At first the publicity was good. What the netizens and fans first noticed were her ‘honey thighs.’ That couldn’t be bad. She had the Golden Ratio of perfect thighs and was given the flattering praise of ‘Thigh goddess.’ But then, after Genie, SNSD’s stylist decided to bare even more skin for their next concept. Codi unnie decided to assign shorter shorts than the ones they had in Genie for their new concept-Oh.
Well, it was then when Tiffany realized that she couldn’t hide the fact that she gained 2.2kg over their two week vacation. And then, she read that dreadful article. It was after SNSD's special stage with 2PM at MBC Gayo Daejun. While Tiffany was dreading over the fact of the shorter shorts in Oh, their concept wasn’t even revealed when the netizens already started noticing that Tiffany was gaining weight.
“SNSD Tiffany’s fat?”
“The same girl with ‘honey thighs’ has a gut.”
“Wooyoung must have seen her fat and froze in place with that expression of his.”
“Wooyoung’s thighs are as big as Tiffany’s!”
“Tiffany’s New Year resolution: lose weight.”
In the States, she would be considered slim, thin, anorexic, even… but in Korea, anyone that wasn’t like Yoona-5’5 and 100 pounds or so-was considered ‘fat.’
So Tiffany starts counting calories. “Waaaa jinjja?! Oh my god, these sandwiches has enough calories to last you a day! Can you believe this, Soonkyu?”
She grew obsessed with standing on the scale. Once when she wakes up, then once after she takes a shower. Then before she sleeps. (Sometimes, she would sneak in two more before and after dinner.) When they’re in Japan, Taeyeon and Sunny, who she dorms with, would sometimes raise a suspicious eyebrow whenever they see… but in the privacy of her own room in Korea, Tiffany would go crazy.
And then she starts feeling guilty after she finishes eating-and that’s what scares her the most. And Tiffany wonders how long it will take before she pushes herself off the edge.
When will she stop comparing herself with her sisters? She will never be as tall and slim as the jangshins, nor will she be as short, tiny and cute as the danshins. She was simply a girl with curves and hips, but she was SNSD’s Tiffany, and sometimes, she wishes she could be SNSD’s Tiffany with less criticism.
Nevertheless, as long as she remains SNSD's Tiffany, she will always be delved into. So, Miyoung realizes, she'll just have to be the perfect Tiffany to stop the criticisms.
So if anyone knew how she had felt, it would not a surprise that she was quarantined for having "vocal nodules" (turns out having them once during Oppa Nappa made it easier for her excused absence) and stopped activities once mid-2010 and again at the end of the same year for "pulling a ligament in her ankle." She would never tell anyone, since Lee SooMan sungsaengnim and SM Entertainment gave her such a good excuse for being pulled out of promotions. She would deny it straight til the end from her members and even her close friends, like Isak. It would always be "Unnie, my face is just bloated from my wisdom teeth being pulled out." when her wisdom teeth hasn't even grown yet, or it'd be "Haha, oh really? I think i just gained some weight on my face."
She had never gotten surgery pre-debut nor after debut until after Oh! promotions. It would just be a deeply guarded secret between Lee SooMan sungsaengnim, high SM staff, her doctor, and herself. But sometimes, at night... her conscience goes against her and asks her how she deals with seeing herself in the mirror lately. Tiffany would just squeeze her eyes shut and try her best to hide her tears and drown the horrible voice of her conscience.
You don't understand... I just want to be perfect.