Hi Daddy
Hi Po,
It's "late" here. Everyone has gone to bed. I got ready to lay down myself, but just couldn't without saying hi. I'm pretty certain you were doing your best to let me know you were with me on Friday. The fresh cut roses... never enjoyed that smell so much. I felt you with me all day and it was the best I could ever hope for. Although I still like to believe you'll actually walk through my front door again one day. If feeling your presence is the closest I can get, I'll take it in a heart beat.
Two weeks ago I cut my foot pretty good. I think you were there. That gentlemen and his daughter were so sweet to help me. Still, I couldn't help but wish you had been there. You know everything. You've taught me how to take care of myself and I know exactly what to look for in a wound; how to care for it, but I always liked knowing that you had checked it. It was just comforting I guess. I make Hubby check it now. It's nice to be taken care of. He'd probably be surprised to see me take charge with it. I cut my ankle last week, same foot, right as the other injury was finally healing up enough to let me walk. Now my ankle is sore and skinned pretty good. It itches like a million little bug bites. It's so hurt though that thankfully I can't even fathom scratching it. New razor...I've never been good at shaving. Poured Peroxide on it the past couple of days and each time it brought me back to my childhood. Watching you and Mom take care of Salsa and mines playground owies. Its nice, those sudden and random flash backs.
I miss you so much. Maybe I'm coming to terms with the fact that you really are gone. I still like to imagine that you'll walk through my door again one day though. I miss your voice, your smile, your laugh. That goofy grin you would give us. I miss calling you, asking you random questions, hearing what was somehow ALWAYS the right answer. Playing "name that tune". I wish I could hear what you would say about living in this new place. I wish I'd asked where you stayed when you visited here years ago.
It's a beautiful thing, knowing that I told you everything I need to while I could. Knowing that I know how much you love me and you know how much I love you. I so wish I could've taken your place that day. I wish I could've saved you from that. At the same time, I know that you would never have wanted it to be me, and I don't think you could've lived with it. It's different losing your Dad rather than your child. When I think about that, I'm thankful that you never had to experience losing one of your children. I know it would've killed you. So I try to remember that you would've done everything possible to make sure it wasn't me out there that day. Still, the feeling doesn't entirely go away. I'm okay with that.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you let me know you were with me on Friday. It makes me smile and helps me feel better for a little while. I'm not sure how to let you know that I know you're with me, but I do. And I love it.
I gotta get up early, although thankfully I can go back to sleep, but I should try to hit the sack. Got company in town and chores to take care of. Going on a few adventures (I hope) this week. If you can join you definitely should. You'd love it. Either way, I know your always with me in some sense and I carry you with me every where I go. My love for you is never wavering, never fading. I'm your baby girl always and I love you so much Daddy. Talk to you soon. XoXoXo
It's "late" here. Everyone has gone to bed. I got ready to lay down myself, but just couldn't without saying hi. I'm pretty certain you were doing your best to let me know you were with me on Friday. The fresh cut roses... never enjoyed that smell so much. I felt you with me all day and it was the best I could ever hope for. Although I still like to believe you'll actually walk through my front door again one day. If feeling your presence is the closest I can get, I'll take it in a heart beat.
Two weeks ago I cut my foot pretty good. I think you were there. That gentlemen and his daughter were so sweet to help me. Still, I couldn't help but wish you had been there. You know everything. You've taught me how to take care of myself and I know exactly what to look for in a wound; how to care for it, but I always liked knowing that you had checked it. It was just comforting I guess. I make Hubby check it now. It's nice to be taken care of. He'd probably be surprised to see me take charge with it. I cut my ankle last week, same foot, right as the other injury was finally healing up enough to let me walk. Now my ankle is sore and skinned pretty good. It itches like a million little bug bites. It's so hurt though that thankfully I can't even fathom scratching it. New razor...I've never been good at shaving. Poured Peroxide on it the past couple of days and each time it brought me back to my childhood. Watching you and Mom take care of Salsa and mines playground owies. Its nice, those sudden and random flash backs.
I miss you so much. Maybe I'm coming to terms with the fact that you really are gone. I still like to imagine that you'll walk through my door again one day though. I miss your voice, your smile, your laugh. That goofy grin you would give us. I miss calling you, asking you random questions, hearing what was somehow ALWAYS the right answer. Playing "name that tune". I wish I could hear what you would say about living in this new place. I wish I'd asked where you stayed when you visited here years ago.
It's a beautiful thing, knowing that I told you everything I need to while I could. Knowing that I know how much you love me and you know how much I love you. I so wish I could've taken your place that day. I wish I could've saved you from that. At the same time, I know that you would never have wanted it to be me, and I don't think you could've lived with it. It's different losing your Dad rather than your child. When I think about that, I'm thankful that you never had to experience losing one of your children. I know it would've killed you. So I try to remember that you would've done everything possible to make sure it wasn't me out there that day. Still, the feeling doesn't entirely go away. I'm okay with that.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you let me know you were with me on Friday. It makes me smile and helps me feel better for a little while. I'm not sure how to let you know that I know you're with me, but I do. And I love it.
I gotta get up early, although thankfully I can go back to sleep, but I should try to hit the sack. Got company in town and chores to take care of. Going on a few adventures (I hope) this week. If you can join you definitely should. You'd love it. Either way, I know your always with me in some sense and I carry you with me every where I go. My love for you is never wavering, never fading. I'm your baby girl always and I love you so much Daddy. Talk to you soon. XoXoXo