(no subject)
man, it's been awhile.
let's see, since I last updated I put on weight over christmas. truth i had put on some before christmas, but the three weeks home fucked me up. Hormone levels in serious flux, and for what? well, nothing it turns out. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks, can't be bothered and it was getting unhealthy.
Well, I am/was being unhealthy. Family issues rear their ugly heads and I put myself through the same thing again and again.
The low down
-i am working on getting a new job/another job as my current position is really shit and they are cutting our hours. fuck
-i have signed up for couseling, i have mommy issues. and issues with myself that i want to work out before....
-moving back to america. i don't want to! said in a 5 year old voice. and i don't want to do this degree. there, i said it. i don't like this job. i want to be a sweaty gym rat for the rest of my life. not a cad monkey. so i will become a trainer/gym worker. somehow. i will. even if i do go back and get my masters i will get qualified as well for my sanity.
-stop trying to please certain people in my life. they don't stop their dreams for me, i should not expect that. the other side of that is that i can also do WHAT I WANT!
-try to lose the 5kg i put on over December-January and have kept. Hopefully as I fix the physical and emotional problems the working out and eating will realign to what I had.
positives:
-visiting dom over easter next weekend
-caledonian challenge in june (must raise £500!)
-julia coming to visit (this is nice and lovely, apart from I'm sick of defending myself to 'the family'. if they don't like my life, i don't ask them to live it, but respect it and stop talking about it in a derogatory way! fuck off. )
new ipod mixes that kick ass are making me happppppppppy.
I will try to update more frequently that every 3 months. Really. Just got out of the habit and then life sort of snowballed and I went to the dark place. I feel brighter and it's sunny now in edinburgh. :)
let's see, since I last updated I put on weight over christmas. truth i had put on some before christmas, but the three weeks home fucked me up. Hormone levels in serious flux, and for what? well, nothing it turns out. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks, can't be bothered and it was getting unhealthy.
Well, I am/was being unhealthy. Family issues rear their ugly heads and I put myself through the same thing again and again.
The low down
-i am working on getting a new job/another job as my current position is really shit and they are cutting our hours. fuck
-i have signed up for couseling, i have mommy issues. and issues with myself that i want to work out before....
-moving back to america. i don't want to! said in a 5 year old voice. and i don't want to do this degree. there, i said it. i don't like this job. i want to be a sweaty gym rat for the rest of my life. not a cad monkey. so i will become a trainer/gym worker. somehow. i will. even if i do go back and get my masters i will get qualified as well for my sanity.
-stop trying to please certain people in my life. they don't stop their dreams for me, i should not expect that. the other side of that is that i can also do WHAT I WANT!
-try to lose the 5kg i put on over December-January and have kept. Hopefully as I fix the physical and emotional problems the working out and eating will realign to what I had.
positives:
-visiting dom over easter next weekend
-caledonian challenge in june (must raise £500!)
-julia coming to visit (this is nice and lovely, apart from I'm sick of defending myself to 'the family'. if they don't like my life, i don't ask them to live it, but respect it and stop talking about it in a derogatory way! fuck off. )
new ipod mixes that kick ass are making me happppppppppy.
I will try to update more frequently that every 3 months. Really. Just got out of the habit and then life sort of snowballed and I went to the dark place. I feel brighter and it's sunny now in edinburgh. :)