Something, not quite nothing.

[slayn]

Again I find myself in a weird spot, I'm humbled but all at once lost by the awsomesauce that is life. I just can't get anyone who could be sad when so much is happening. Right now friends are reuniting for the first time, lovers embracing, and some small child somewhere is smiling. How dumb does that sound? This past week has been one of the worst, and ( omg I feel a contradiction coming on ) most important ones I've ever been blessed with. I've been in control of my life now for at least four years, I don't really mean legally just that sometime ago I gained the confidence and honesty one really needs to be in control in our world. However my entire reality was rocked by what I would've normally called an insignificant event. A single person redefined things for me, forced evolution on other, or simply made me look at something differently. Whether or not they were things I had made my mind up on some time ago, now they've simply changed. This had obvious repercussions on myself as well, or rather, on the person I am may be a more pointed statement. It's just amazing to learn something new about yourself, or to see how you react to something that you've already thought through. I've never been so compelled to let someone in so quickly, and certainly never have. I was thinking about this earlier, digesting the situation perhaps, and it struck me; Those connections, those things you keep from everyone, why do you? One thing in particular is the last conversation I can remember having with my mother, I mean a real one, not just hello and idle chit-chat. Why is it that I've kept it a secret, is it shame, regret, or am I just afraid of what people will think of me? Taking all that in to account I thought about other things... what am I so afraid of? What am I waiting for? I'm happy to have had so many chances, made so many mistakes, and the ability to continue to do so.

Thank you, in the most sincere way we allow each other.