The Weasleys of Oz 1/?
The Weasleys of Oz
Chapter 1 The Arrival
Characters: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy, George Weasley, Fred Weasley
Rating: Teen
Summary: After trying one of Fred and George's new sweets, Harry finds himself in the land of Oz. A crossdressing Albus Dumbledore, brainless Hermione, cowardly Gryffindor, and snarky Tin Man help him find his way out of the musical and back to the Burrow.
Bizarre. Harry didn’t know if he was dreaming, hallucinating, or had just gone mad, but this was definitely bizarre. The last thing he remembered was popping George and Fred’s latest candy invention, a Chocolate Snitch, into his mouth. Now he was in Oz. Well, Munchkinland to be more specific. At least that’s what it looked like.
He had just stumbled out of a ditch. Everything from the Yellow Brick Road to the colorful little cottages to the grassy knolls looked like it was straight out of the Muggle movie The Wizard of Oz. Perhaps the Chocolate Snitch was a new fantasy candy the twins had invented, and this was just his own imagination. Harry was definitely going to have to get back at them for this.
Never, even in his wildest of dreams, could he ever picture himself in the ridiculous outfit he currently found himself in. He wore something that looked extremely similar to a lederhosen. It was checkered light blue and white, and underneath it he wore a white collared tee-shirt. It was something Aunt Petunia would have dressed Dudley in when he was seven. Unfortunately, it was uncomfortably snug in the bum, and the straps prevented him from tugging it down any.
Unsure of what else to do, Harry began looking around the little village. He took a few steps forward and heard rustling in the nearest bushes along with some soft, grunt-like laughter. He cautiously took another step forward and heard the same thing from behind another bush. It wasn’t a menacing laughter, but wasn’t child-like and pleasant like it was in the movie either.
Harry had only seen The Wizard of Oz once, and it had been at least five years since. He was trying desperately to remember what happened next when he saw a large ball floating in from a distance. It was bright yellow and bounced as it came closer to him. Finally the object landed softly in front of Harry, and he recognized it as a lemon drop. A giant, yellow lemon drop. Suddenly, it disappeared with a small popping noise.
“Oh, for the love of Merlin.” Harry stepped back a few paces, surprised by who had just arrived in front of him by means of a giant lemon candy.
Albus Dumbledore was standing before him wearing a large, bubblegum pink gown. His hair and beard were shimmering, and his usual wizard hat was replaced by a gaudy, glittering, silver crown. Dumbledore held an ornate scepter that matched the rest of his ridiculous outfit. He smiled at Harry.
“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”
Harry gaped at him and stuttered a bit before spitting out what he was trying to say. “Professor? What are you wearing?” Dumbledore continued to smile, but gave him a puzzled look. Dumbledore obviously didn’t recognize Harry. He may have looked like him, but this definitely was not Dumbledore. Unsure of what else to do, Harry answered the question.
“Actually, I’m a wizard. A good one. The name’s Harry. Harry Potter. ”
Dumbledore curtsied slightly and introduced himself, “I’m Alba, the Good Witch of the North.”
“Alright... um... Alba. So what’s going on here?”
“The munchkins called me because apparently you squashed the Wicked Witch of the East.” He gestured towards the ditch Harry had crawled out of, and Harry noticed for the first time that somebody was laying in it. He had been in such a daze when he crawled out of it, that he had never noticed that he had rolled off of another person.
“Are you serious?” Harry knew none of this was real, but he still didn’t like the idea of falling on people and killing them.
Dumbledore... erm... Alba chuckled. “Oh, no, that over there is Sirius.” He chuckled to himself again at the witty joke he had come up with. Harry rolled his eyes, having heard similar jokes from Fred and George. Then a large shaggy dog came trotting out from behind one of the small cottages. “Unfortunately, you didn’t hit the Wicked Witch until after he hexed poor Sirius. Now he is stuck in his Animagus form permanently. So, Good Wizard Harry, where did you come from?”
“Um, the last thing I remember is being at the Burrow.” Harry patted Padfoot’s head then walked towards the unmoving body. He recognized the Wicked Witch of the East immediately.
It was Voldemort.
In a dress.
Harry frowned when he noticed the sparkly red lightning bolt stuck to Voldemort’s forehead, but didn’t have much time to think about it because the bushes around him started rustling again.
He looked at Alba, eyebrows raised. “Munchkins, I presume?”
“Yes, the little people who live here in Munchkinland. They are happy because you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East. You are their new hero.” Alba looked around at the village and began calling out to them, “It’s alright. You may all come out now. Come out and thank Harry.”
Harry was then startled, and thoroughly creeped out, when Alba Dumbledore began singing in a very high-pitched, feminine voice.
“Come out, come out wherever you are,
and meet the young man who fell from a star.”
Harry watched the bushes intently and saw the “Munchkins” coming out. But they weren’t really Munchkins; they were house-elves. They were all wearing brightly colored dresses and suits instead of pillow cases and tea towels. Their cheeks were rosy, and they had long, dark eyelashes.
“He fell from the sky, he fell very far.
‘Burrow,’ he says is the name of the star.”
House-elf-munchkins continued to file out and fill the small village. They waved and smiled at Harry. The whole situation was making him feel uneasy.
“‘Burrow,’ he says is the name of the star.
He brings you good news. Or haven’t you heard?
When he fell out of ‘Burrow,’ a miracle occurred!”
Harry suddenly felt the urge to sing along with them. Everyone stared at him, wide-eyed, expecting him to sing his story. He clamped his hands over his mouth and tried to swallow it back, but it was no use. It felt like trying to hold back the truth after taking Veritaserum.
Alba and the tiny creatures around Harry leaned towards him with silent anticipation. So Harry sang for them.
“It really was no miracle. What happened was just this:
I ate a Chocolate Snitch. It was dee-lish.
And, suddenly, my whole body began to twitch.
Just then, the witch, to satisfy an itch,
went flying on his Firebolt, thumbing for a hitch!”
The house-elf-munchkins were enjoying his song-story and circled around him and Alba. They were dancing and began singing along, extremely off key.
“And oh, what happened then was rich!
His head began to pitch.
His stomach took a slitch.
He landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch.
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.”
The whole scene was very unnerving. The house-elf-munchkins continued to dance around him in circles, and their voices sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Alba Dumbledore was smiling and laughing along. He clapped his hands which made the puffy sleeves of his gown bounce around and the loose, wrinkled skin of his upper-arms flap . Harry cringed and shivered at the sight. This was just too weird.
“His head began to pitch.
His stomach took a slitch.
He landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch.
Which was not a healthy sit-uation for the Wicked Witch,
who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch,
of what was once the Wicked Witch!”
The crowd parted for a moment, and Harry immediately recognized Dobby and Winky walking toward him. Winky was the first to sing,
“We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.”
She curtsied out of the way, and Dobby stepped forward.
“You’ve killed him so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.”
Alba raised his arms, puffy sleeves scrunching up on his shoulders. “Let the joyous news be spread! The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!”
The crowd of house-elf-munchkins surrounded Harry and pushed him forward into the center of the village with Padfoot following behind. He was relieved for a moment (but only a moment) when he thought they were finished singing. But then they broke out into song again with “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.”
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a long, long, long day. Then a cold gust of wind flew in, and a burst of flames erupted at the edge of the village. The flames died down to reveal Lucius Malfoy.
In a dress.
Harry leaned towards Alba and whispered, “The Wicked Witch of the West?”
Alba Dumbledore looked surprised. “Precisely! How did you know?”
“Just a wild guess.”
The elves all shuddered and moved away from him. Lucius quickly strode past the gawking crowd to take a look in the ditch. His movements made his close-fitted, black dress billow like the robes of Professor Snape. Harry bit his lip to stifle a laugh.
Lucius spun around to glare at Harry. “You! You killed him didn’t you?”
Harry scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. “Oh, er... well, it was an accident really.”
“Accident? Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!”
Harry just raised an eyebrow. Did Lucius Malfoy just call me his “little pretty”?
Alba stepped in front of Harry and cleared his throat. “Aren’t you forgetting something? The ruby scar?”
Lucius spun around to look at Voldemort’s body again. As he reached to peel the scar from his forehead, it disappeared and reappeared on Harry’s.
“It’s gone!” He turned on Alba. “What have you done with it?” he asked accusingly.
“It’s too late.” He gestured to Harry’s forehead. “There it is, and there it will stay.”
“Harry touched the ruby lightning-shaped scar on his forehead. “Oh, hey. Look at that,” he said casually.
Lucius scowled. “Give me back my scar! I'm the only one that knows how to use it. It’s of no use to you!” He nearly stomped his foot like a petulant child. “Give it back to me!”
Harry stared at him for a moment, a contemplative look on his face. “Yeah, I could just give it to you, but... no.”
Lucius quickly backed away from him. “Just watch! I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” There was another burst of flames, and he was gone.
The house-elf-munchkins all relaxed, and Harry sighed loudly. “Well, this has been fun, but I really should be going. I have some revenge to plot for some unsuspecting twins.”
“Do you know how to get back to your ‘Burrow’?” Alba asked him.
Harry shook his head. “No clue.”
“Well then, you should see the Wizards of Oz.” The elves cheered in agreement.
“Wizards? There’s more than one?” Harry only remembered one Wizard of Oz being in the movie. But then again, all the witches in the movie were females, too.
“They’re partners. They’re very good, but very mysterious. They live in the Emerald City.”
“Emerald City? Ah, crap, I hope they aren’t Slytherins.”
Alba raised an eyebrow, but ignored the comment. “The Emerald City is a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick?”
“No, I fell. Remember?”
“Ah, yes. That’s right. Too bad; it’s going to be a long walk. I’m sure you’ll make it safely, though, as long as you don’t remove the ruby scar. It will protect you from the Wicked Witch of the West.”
“Alright.” Harry rubbed his hands together, ready to get a move on. “So... how exactly do I get there? Oh, wait I remember. It’s the-”
But before he could stop them, all the elves started singing, “Follow the Yellow Brick Road!” Then Harry ran off quickly, with Padfoot in tow, as they began to sing again.
“You’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz.
You’ll find they are a whiz of a pair,
if ever a Wiz there was.
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
the Weasleys of Oz are two because,
because, because, because, because, because!
Because of the wonderful things they’ve done!
You’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz!”
TBC
On to Chapter 2
Chapter 1 The Arrival
Characters: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy, George Weasley, Fred Weasley
Rating: Teen
Summary: After trying one of Fred and George's new sweets, Harry finds himself in the land of Oz. A crossdressing Albus Dumbledore, brainless Hermione, cowardly Gryffindor, and snarky Tin Man help him find his way out of the musical and back to the Burrow.
Bizarre. Harry didn’t know if he was dreaming, hallucinating, or had just gone mad, but this was definitely bizarre. The last thing he remembered was popping George and Fred’s latest candy invention, a Chocolate Snitch, into his mouth. Now he was in Oz. Well, Munchkinland to be more specific. At least that’s what it looked like.
He had just stumbled out of a ditch. Everything from the Yellow Brick Road to the colorful little cottages to the grassy knolls looked like it was straight out of the Muggle movie The Wizard of Oz. Perhaps the Chocolate Snitch was a new fantasy candy the twins had invented, and this was just his own imagination. Harry was definitely going to have to get back at them for this.
Never, even in his wildest of dreams, could he ever picture himself in the ridiculous outfit he currently found himself in. He wore something that looked extremely similar to a lederhosen. It was checkered light blue and white, and underneath it he wore a white collared tee-shirt. It was something Aunt Petunia would have dressed Dudley in when he was seven. Unfortunately, it was uncomfortably snug in the bum, and the straps prevented him from tugging it down any.
Unsure of what else to do, Harry began looking around the little village. He took a few steps forward and heard rustling in the nearest bushes along with some soft, grunt-like laughter. He cautiously took another step forward and heard the same thing from behind another bush. It wasn’t a menacing laughter, but wasn’t child-like and pleasant like it was in the movie either.
Harry had only seen The Wizard of Oz once, and it had been at least five years since. He was trying desperately to remember what happened next when he saw a large ball floating in from a distance. It was bright yellow and bounced as it came closer to him. Finally the object landed softly in front of Harry, and he recognized it as a lemon drop. A giant, yellow lemon drop. Suddenly, it disappeared with a small popping noise.
“Oh, for the love of Merlin.” Harry stepped back a few paces, surprised by who had just arrived in front of him by means of a giant lemon candy.
Albus Dumbledore was standing before him wearing a large, bubblegum pink gown. His hair and beard were shimmering, and his usual wizard hat was replaced by a gaudy, glittering, silver crown. Dumbledore held an ornate scepter that matched the rest of his ridiculous outfit. He smiled at Harry.
“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”
Harry gaped at him and stuttered a bit before spitting out what he was trying to say. “Professor? What are you wearing?” Dumbledore continued to smile, but gave him a puzzled look. Dumbledore obviously didn’t recognize Harry. He may have looked like him, but this definitely was not Dumbledore. Unsure of what else to do, Harry answered the question.
“Actually, I’m a wizard. A good one. The name’s Harry. Harry Potter. ”
Dumbledore curtsied slightly and introduced himself, “I’m Alba, the Good Witch of the North.”
“Alright... um... Alba. So what’s going on here?”
“The munchkins called me because apparently you squashed the Wicked Witch of the East.” He gestured towards the ditch Harry had crawled out of, and Harry noticed for the first time that somebody was laying in it. He had been in such a daze when he crawled out of it, that he had never noticed that he had rolled off of another person.
“Are you serious?” Harry knew none of this was real, but he still didn’t like the idea of falling on people and killing them.
Dumbledore... erm... Alba chuckled. “Oh, no, that over there is Sirius.” He chuckled to himself again at the witty joke he had come up with. Harry rolled his eyes, having heard similar jokes from Fred and George. Then a large shaggy dog came trotting out from behind one of the small cottages. “Unfortunately, you didn’t hit the Wicked Witch until after he hexed poor Sirius. Now he is stuck in his Animagus form permanently. So, Good Wizard Harry, where did you come from?”
“Um, the last thing I remember is being at the Burrow.” Harry patted Padfoot’s head then walked towards the unmoving body. He recognized the Wicked Witch of the East immediately.
It was Voldemort.
In a dress.
Harry frowned when he noticed the sparkly red lightning bolt stuck to Voldemort’s forehead, but didn’t have much time to think about it because the bushes around him started rustling again.
He looked at Alba, eyebrows raised. “Munchkins, I presume?”
“Yes, the little people who live here in Munchkinland. They are happy because you freed them from the Wicked Witch of the East. You are their new hero.” Alba looked around at the village and began calling out to them, “It’s alright. You may all come out now. Come out and thank Harry.”
Harry was then startled, and thoroughly creeped out, when Alba Dumbledore began singing in a very high-pitched, feminine voice.
“Come out, come out wherever you are,
and meet the young man who fell from a star.”
Harry watched the bushes intently and saw the “Munchkins” coming out. But they weren’t really Munchkins; they were house-elves. They were all wearing brightly colored dresses and suits instead of pillow cases and tea towels. Their cheeks were rosy, and they had long, dark eyelashes.
“He fell from the sky, he fell very far.
‘Burrow,’ he says is the name of the star.”
House-elf-munchkins continued to file out and fill the small village. They waved and smiled at Harry. The whole situation was making him feel uneasy.
“‘Burrow,’ he says is the name of the star.
He brings you good news. Or haven’t you heard?
When he fell out of ‘Burrow,’ a miracle occurred!”
Harry suddenly felt the urge to sing along with them. Everyone stared at him, wide-eyed, expecting him to sing his story. He clamped his hands over his mouth and tried to swallow it back, but it was no use. It felt like trying to hold back the truth after taking Veritaserum.
Alba and the tiny creatures around Harry leaned towards him with silent anticipation. So Harry sang for them.
“It really was no miracle. What happened was just this:
I ate a Chocolate Snitch. It was dee-lish.
And, suddenly, my whole body began to twitch.
Just then, the witch, to satisfy an itch,
went flying on his Firebolt, thumbing for a hitch!”
The house-elf-munchkins were enjoying his song-story and circled around him and Alba. They were dancing and began singing along, extremely off key.
“And oh, what happened then was rich!
His head began to pitch.
His stomach took a slitch.
He landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch.
Which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.”
The whole scene was very unnerving. The house-elf-munchkins continued to dance around him in circles, and their voices sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Alba Dumbledore was smiling and laughing along. He clapped his hands which made the puffy sleeves of his gown bounce around and the loose, wrinkled skin of his upper-arms flap . Harry cringed and shivered at the sight. This was just too weird.
“His head began to pitch.
His stomach took a slitch.
He landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch.
Which was not a healthy sit-uation for the Wicked Witch,
who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch,
of what was once the Wicked Witch!”
The crowd parted for a moment, and Harry immediately recognized Dobby and Winky walking toward him. Winky was the first to sing,
“We thank you very sweetly, for doing it so neatly.”
She curtsied out of the way, and Dobby stepped forward.
“You’ve killed him so completely, that we thank you very sweetly.”
Alba raised his arms, puffy sleeves scrunching up on his shoulders. “Let the joyous news be spread! The Wicked Old Witch at last is dead!”
The crowd of house-elf-munchkins surrounded Harry and pushed him forward into the center of the village with Padfoot following behind. He was relieved for a moment (but only a moment) when he thought they were finished singing. But then they broke out into song again with “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.”
Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. This was going to be a long, long, long day. Then a cold gust of wind flew in, and a burst of flames erupted at the edge of the village. The flames died down to reveal Lucius Malfoy.
In a dress.
Harry leaned towards Alba and whispered, “The Wicked Witch of the West?”
Alba Dumbledore looked surprised. “Precisely! How did you know?”
“Just a wild guess.”
The elves all shuddered and moved away from him. Lucius quickly strode past the gawking crowd to take a look in the ditch. His movements made his close-fitted, black dress billow like the robes of Professor Snape. Harry bit his lip to stifle a laugh.
Lucius spun around to glare at Harry. “You! You killed him didn’t you?”
Harry scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. “Oh, er... well, it was an accident really.”
“Accident? Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!”
Harry just raised an eyebrow. Did Lucius Malfoy just call me his “little pretty”?
Alba stepped in front of Harry and cleared his throat. “Aren’t you forgetting something? The ruby scar?”
Lucius spun around to look at Voldemort’s body again. As he reached to peel the scar from his forehead, it disappeared and reappeared on Harry’s.
“It’s gone!” He turned on Alba. “What have you done with it?” he asked accusingly.
“It’s too late.” He gestured to Harry’s forehead. “There it is, and there it will stay.”
“Harry touched the ruby lightning-shaped scar on his forehead. “Oh, hey. Look at that,” he said casually.
Lucius scowled. “Give me back my scar! I'm the only one that knows how to use it. It’s of no use to you!” He nearly stomped his foot like a petulant child. “Give it back to me!”
Harry stared at him for a moment, a contemplative look on his face. “Yeah, I could just give it to you, but... no.”
Lucius quickly backed away from him. “Just watch! I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” There was another burst of flames, and he was gone.
The house-elf-munchkins all relaxed, and Harry sighed loudly. “Well, this has been fun, but I really should be going. I have some revenge to plot for some unsuspecting twins.”
“Do you know how to get back to your ‘Burrow’?” Alba asked him.
Harry shook his head. “No clue.”
“Well then, you should see the Wizards of Oz.” The elves cheered in agreement.
“Wizards? There’s more than one?” Harry only remembered one Wizard of Oz being in the movie. But then again, all the witches in the movie were females, too.
“They’re partners. They’re very good, but very mysterious. They live in the Emerald City.”
“Emerald City? Ah, crap, I hope they aren’t Slytherins.”
Alba raised an eyebrow, but ignored the comment. “The Emerald City is a long journey from here. Did you bring your broomstick?”
“No, I fell. Remember?”
“Ah, yes. That’s right. Too bad; it’s going to be a long walk. I’m sure you’ll make it safely, though, as long as you don’t remove the ruby scar. It will protect you from the Wicked Witch of the West.”
“Alright.” Harry rubbed his hands together, ready to get a move on. “So... how exactly do I get there? Oh, wait I remember. It’s the-”
But before he could stop them, all the elves started singing, “Follow the Yellow Brick Road!” Then Harry ran off quickly, with Padfoot in tow, as they began to sing again.
“You’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz.
You’ll find they are a whiz of a pair,
if ever a Wiz there was.
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
the Weasleys of Oz are two because,
because, because, because, because, because!
Because of the wonderful things they’ve done!
You’re off to see the Wizards,
the Wonderful Weasleys of Oz!”
TBC
On to Chapter 2