steel heart!AU [final]
Title: steel heart!AU
Author: slashedsilver
Fandom: VIXX
Pairing: Leo/N with side Ravi/Hongbin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 12,000 words (complete)
Summary: When Hakyeon finally gives in and places an order for a CARE Bot 2.0, the outcome is entirely different from what he's imagined.
Author's Note: And... the ending you've all been waiting for :) This chapter is dedicated to mscharlottebell who gave me the inspiration I needed to finish it. And you guys! All of you who've spent the time to comment or cheer me on -- I'm so glad to have met you through this fic ♥
It takes two hours for the mechanic to come. Two hours spent terrified, staring at Taekwoon's closed lids and immobile body, frozen mid-movement. Two hours wondering what could have happened.
When the doorbell finally rings, Hakyeon flings the front door open and pounces on the tall, slim man at his doorstep. The man is dressed in a white medical coat with a stethoscope around his neck, holding up a set of identification papers to Hakyeon.
"Good evening. I'm here for a CARE Bot 2.0 -- "
"Mechanic-ssi!" Hayeon seizes his arm and tries to drag him into the house. "This way please!"
"My name is Sungyeol," the mechanic says drily, dusting Hakyeon's grip off his arm. Hakyeon gets the feeling he's being admonished for his lack of manners, but he doesn't have time for all these pleasantries. However, Sungyeol apparently does. He tips his head pointedly at Hakyeon. "And you are?"
"Cha Hakyeon," he snaps impatiently, "you know this, I was the one who made the report -- "
"Mr Cha. First, I need you to calm down." It's his tone of voice that finally gets to Hakyeon. Not the embarrassment at having practically manhandled a guest, not the fact that his fear is so sharp it's taking over things like basic manners and his own sensibilities.
He nods miserably and tries to quash the wildly hammering instinct to have the mechanic look at Taekwoon now, immediately.
Sungyeol squints at him critically, then hums in approval. "Good. Now I need you to remember that bots are not like humans. When something goes wrong, it's either a system or a mechanical error. Hurrying will not help matters; it will only make them worse."
Satisfied that Hakyeon is properly chastised, the mechanic unfolds his glasses and sets them on his nose. "Now. Where's your bot?"
Hakyeon putters about anxiously as he examines Taekwoon. Sungyeol has to open up the back of the robot's head to hook up his portable computer to the CPU inside the robot.
He's reminded with a violent jolt how different Taekwoon is. Taekwoon will never be hurt by illness or disease, though a virus or bug can take down his entire system. He will never physically age or die. He will never feel pain. He will never feel, like Hakyeon does sometimes, as though his heart might pound out of his chest with the force of his emotions, feet cold and palms sweaty, as though there isn't enough air in the room when they're together --
The mechanic says something he doesn't register. Hakyeon jerks himself into awareness and has to ask him to repeat himself.
"What exactly have you been doing with your bot?" Sungyeol says sternly.
"I -- I'm not sure," he stammers, thrown by Sungyeol's sudden fierceness. His mind races. What could he have done to break Taekwoon like this? "Please -- what's happened to him?"
Sungyeol's expression is carefully blank. "This bot tried to do a reboot on its entire system."
"What?" Hakyeon chokes. "What does that mean?"
"Essentially, it tried to reset itself to its original state, wiping out every trace of learning it has ever done with you." He takes in Hakyeon's stricken expression. "That would wiped out, as well, any memories it has made with you in the past few months."
God. Almost afraid to ask, Hakyeon whispers, "Is he going to be okay? Can he -- can it be fixed?"
"Thankfully we have fail-safes in place so that the bots don't go about resetting themselves whenever they feel like it. It's not good for business. So all an attempted reboot does is immobilise them until we have a chance to see what's going on. Which is why," Sungyeol pushes his glasses up his nose and looks at Hakyeon archly, "I need to verify what's been going on with your bot, before I reactivate it."
Somehow, the blandness on the mechanic's face is more accusatory than ever. Hakyeon swallows.
Sungyeol whips out a clipboard and a pen. "In the past couple of weeks, have you expressed, in any way, displeasure or dissatisfaction with your robot's service to you?"
"I -- " Told him he couldn't possibly love me.
"Well?"
"Mister, isn't it true that robots can't develop feelings?" Hakyeon says in a rush. "Taekwoon -- this robot kept saying that he... loved me."
"Where did you hear that from?"
"My -- my friend. He's an engineer; he works with robots in his line of work -- "
Sungyeol snorts rudely. "Engineers! You've been listening to them? You haven't asked the mechanics who build and maintain these bots?" He waves his clipboard in agitation. "All engineers are good at is the theory. They believe it's impossible for a robot to develop feelings, personalities and preferences, so they conveniently explain it away. How can a bundle of metal and wire feel what flesh and blood can, they ask? It's impossible!"
"But how is it possible?" Hakyeon wrings his hands together in anguish.
"Mr Cha, what you have with you is a rare specimen, a robot who has developed his own feelings for you. The AI we developed -- we hoped, of course, that the CARE Bot would eventually be able to imitate life, to be a lifelong companion to the lonely or hurting or ill. We never dared to imagine we would be able to succeed to such an extent." Sungyeol watches Hakyeon intently. "The AI-7 is a self-developing intelligence system. The bot starts from a basic level of programmed intelligence, but then it learns from experiences. It learns emotions. It learns from its master, mostly. But to develop feelings of affection for someone -- this is complex and rare, though not unheard of."
Hakyeon hardly dares to believe what he's hearing. "So the feelings he's experiencing -- "
There's a slightly wistful expression on Sungyeol's face. "It's true that these aren't feelings the way humans understand or experience them, as a chemical reaction made known through a physiological change. What bots experience is relative to their own systems -- an electrical reaction that produces a correponding chemical and physiological change. It doesn't mean that what bots feel is anything less than what humans feel. They're just created differently. But the situations that give rise to these feelings -- the experiences that trigger them -- these are just as real for robots as for humans."
Sungyeol turns to where Taekwoon is still frozen motionless. Hakyeon follows his gaze but he can barely dare to look at Taekwoon. There's too much in his chest. He's terrified he might bubble over with fear and hope and guilt, so much guilt. It's hard to breathe.
"I can see why he would have tried the reboot," Sungyeol says softly, almost to himself. "He must have thought there was something wrong with him."
Hakyeon's voice is hushed. "He'll be okay, right? You'll be able to fix him?"
Sungyeol dusts his hands off and picks up his console. "Yes. It is easily done. Now that we've established that the decision to reboot wasn't trigger by neglect or deliberate abuse, I'll go ahead to repair him. I just need to reset some of his processes and he'll be back." Sungyeol quirks his lips upwards in a semblance of a smile. "It'll be like he never left."
"Thank you, Sungyeol-ssi," Hakyeon breathes reverently. A sudden thought strikes him. "But -- how did you know so much about him?"
Sungyeol smiles wider, an oddly mechanical sight. "Personal experience."
~*~
Taekwoon's eyes flutter slowly open. Hakyeon watches as he blinks, looking around, before finally focusing on his face. They sharpen in recognition. "Hakyeon," he greets, as though he's just been waiting for him to come home on any other normal evening. But it's not any other evening; it's now past midnight and Hakyeon is pissed.
"What the hell." His voice is strangled. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
Taekwoon looks instantly contrite. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise -- "
Hakyeon punches his bot in the shoulder. Taekwoon doesn't even wince. "A reboot? Did you want to forget me so much?" Involuntarily, his voice breaks on the sentence.
"No!" Without thinking, Taekwoon reaches out and grasps his shoulders earnestly. "If it were just up to me, I would never want to forget you. No matter what happened."
"So what was all this about then?" Hakyeon demands. "Were you tired of me? Were you hoping I would return you?" He knows, he thinks he does, but he needs to hear this from Taekwoon.
"I thought you would be happier. If you could have gotten the original Taekwoon back." He meets Hakyeon's eyes unflinchingly. "You were so upset that I had developed feelings of love for you. I thought it would have been easier on you if I no longer experienced such emotions."
"And what if you had fallen in love with me again?"
"Then I would have reset myself again," Taekwoon says simply, "as many times as it takes to keep you happy." An unexpected tear falls from Hakyeon's eyes. Taekwoon catches it tenderly with his finger and tips Hakyeon's chin up gently. "Hakyeon, I don't blame you, so please stop blaming yourself. It was a decision I made myself. I just wanted you to be happy."
Hakyeon brushes his tears away roughly. "Without even asking me? How could you pull something like that? What would I have done if Sungyeol couldn't fix you?"
"But I'm not -- " Uncharacteristically, Taekwoon trips over his words. He stops and tries again. "If I was broken, you could have just requested for a replacement."
Hakyeon grabs Taekwoon hard because he is so, so stupid. "You are not replaceable," he says fiercely. "Don't you ever imply that to me again." He glares at him until Taekwoon nods at him in acknowledgement, then he flings himself at him.
Taekwoon raises startled hands to his shoulders. "Hakyeon -- "
"I was so worried, you idiot." His voice is muffled, buried in Taekwoon's chest. "Don't you dare do this to me again."
Softly, Taekwoon's fingers run through his hair. "I won't. I promise. I won't ever leave you again."
"Could you just -- hold me for a while?"
Strong arms come up around him and grip him securely. "Of course."
The best thing about having a bot is that he doesn't complain when wet tears soak the front of his shirt, or when Hakyeon's hands grip him too hard. When Hakyeon's sobs finally subside and he's about to collapse from exhaustion, it's Taekwoon who tucks him back into bed.
~*~
At night, Hakyeon dreams of robots with soft smiles and affection and desire in their eyes. He dreams of them being scrapped down, torn apart, as unforgiving machines undo the work they have done, turning them back into shreds of metal. He watches as the light in the eyes dulls, the awareness and consciousness slowly fading away.
And then the machines turn and come for Hakyeon. They want to scrap him down too, tear him apart from limb to limb, a fitting retribution for what he's done. He screams and screams and can't stop screaming.
Abruptly, there's a hand that settles on his arm, trying to steady him.
"No!" Caught in the nightmare, he flails out and punches the owner of the hand. The other person gives a small sound of surprise.
"Hakyeon! Wake up, you're having a nightmare." He blinks into consciousness and becomes aware that Taekwoon is in his room, and he's clutching the other's arm. He forces himself to release his death grip.
"Taekwoon," he gasps, trying to catch his breath. His face is wet, he realises. He runs a rough hand over it, scrubbing it quickly.
Taekwoon fidgets uncomfortably. "I know you said I shouldn't just walk in here when you're sleeping, but you were crying, and -- "
"It's okay," he whispers. "You can stay."
There's a small hesitation, then Taekwoon sinks down onto the floor beside the bed. "Sleep now," he murmurs, smoothing Hakyeon's fringe to the side of his forehead. "I'll be here."
"Do you -- don't you want to sit somewhere more comfortable?" Hakyeon tentatively pats the space on the bed beside him.
"No. I am fine sitting on the floor."
Hakyeon senses his reluctance. "It's okay, I don't mind. I'd feel a lot better knowing you were warm."
"I don't get cold," Taekwoon protests, but he looks at Hakyeon and sighs. "All right." He clambers onto the bed beside him. Hakyeon pulls up the covers for him and Taekwoon gets in, lying on the side facing him.
"Much better," Hakyeon says, pleased.
"Will you sleep now, then?"
"Yes, I think I shall."
Taekwoon watches him until he falls asleep.
The next day when he opens his eyes again, Taekwoon is still there, eyes fixed unblinkingly on him.
Hakyeon's mouth breaks into a soft grin. "Are you watching me sleep?" he asks, voice rough.
Taekwoon flushes in embarrassment. "My apologies; I should be preparing breakfast." He tries to get up, but Hakyeon grabs his hand and laces his fingers through Taekwoon's.
"No." His voice is low and full of entreaty. "Please stay."
~*~
They say when you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.
It takes learning, but Taekwoon is patient, more patient than he deserves. And Hakyeon unfolds.
~*~
"What the hell?" Hongbin blurts. "I never told your bot he should reset himself!"
"What did you tell him then?" Hakyeon demands. They're sitting together at a cafe near his workplace. Hongbin's work as an art school model gives him a lot more flexibility than Hakyeon nine-to-five job does, so when he dropped Hongbin a message asking to meet, the other had readily agreed to meet Hakyeon near his place of work.
Hongbin is sputtering in disbelief. "I just told him what I thought about the whole thing and how you might be feeling -- and don't look at me like that, I know you Cha Hakyeon. You would have beat yourself up with guilt that you could never know if your bot was doing this of his own free will -- "
"And did you give him any... friendly advice after that?"
Hongbin holds both hands in front of him in surrender. "Come on, Hakyeon, you know I wouldn't do anything like that! What do you take me for? All I told him was that he had to figure it out for himself. I guess the solution he picked wasn't pleasing to you."
Hakyeon sighs. He takes a sip of his tea and does not reply.
Hongbin, sensing that Hakyeon is no longer about to throw himself at him at the slightest provocation, relaxes enough to settle back in his chair a little more. "So," he says after a beat. "Have you finally gone over to the dark side?" He gives him a side-eye.
Hakyeon turns red. "What are you talking about?"
"You know... are you two finally making up for lost time?" Hongbin waggles his eyebrows meaningfully.
"Wait, you approve of this -- inter-species relationship?"
Hongbin looks at him reprovingly. "Taekwoon is not an alien from outer space."
"He might as well be, the way Wonshik goes on about him," Hakyeon mutters.
His friend snorts. "You know as well as I do that Wonshik has a tendency to get... overprotective... when it comes to you. He just wants what he thinks is best for you. And he's not the most creative or imaginative guy -- he's an engineer, for goodness' sake! It makes sense that his world would be more... black and white." He takes a spear of the cake and waves it in front of Hakyeon for emphasis. "Robot: Not human. Hakyeon: Fragile, handle with care."
"I have a weak physical constitution," Hakyeon says, offended. "It's not like it's a terminal illness."
"You were sick throughout your shared childhood," Hongbin points out, popping the cake into his mouth. "You can't fault him for remembering you as always sick in bed with fever and chills and frequent exhaustion. You practically developed his mother hen complex. And then you worried him with all that alcohol you were taking after you broke up with Yongguk -- "
Yongguk. There's a jolt in his stomach when Hakyeon hears the name, but it's not the bitter, rancid feeling of wanting to throw up. It feels somehow far away, muted by a blanket of Taekwoon.
Hongbin is eyeing him askance. "I shouldn't have mentioned -- You're not going to flip out on me, are you? Should I patch an emergency call through to your bot?"
"No," Hakyeon speaks up. "It's fine."
And it really was.
~*~
They're spring cleaning together for the new year when Hakyeon notices that Taekwoon keeps stopping to look over at him.
"What?" Hakyeon laughs. "Stop staring at me like that."
"Stop reaching up like that," Takwoon growls in frustration, tugging Hakyeon's shirt down to meet his jeans.
Hakyeon's eyes light up with interest. "Oh? Can't stand me flashing you this little bit of skin?" He stretches up slowly, deliberately, inching the feather duster in his hand towards the top of the bookshelf. The sudden heat in Taekwoon's expression leaves his mouth dry. "I guess not, then."
Taekwoon turns away disgruntedly and continues sorting out the books on the lower rungs.
Hit by sudden inspiration, Hakyeon tosses his duster aside and tries to seductively slide off the chair he's standing on. "You know, there's something else I'd rather be doing." He slinks over to where Taekwoon is kneeling at the bookshelf, two heavy books in his hand. He snags him around the waist and puts his chin on his shoulder.
"Your friends Wonshik and Hongbin will be here any minute," Taekwoon warns, but he sounds a bit out of breath.
"What?" Hakyeon says innocently. "I just wanted to cuddle you."
Taekwoon squirms around to look at him sceptically. Finding nothing but guilelessness on his face, Taekwoon gives in and lets him snuggle against him. He wraps an arm around Hakyeon and shifts so that they're both sitting comfortably together on the floor. "You're such a cuddle bug."
"I don't remember buying you so you could criticise me," Hakyeon informs him.
Taekwoon smirks. "I thought that was why you loved me."
"Stop learning such cheesy things from Woohyun," Hakyeon scolds. "I regret ever inviting him and Sunggyu over."
Taekwoon smiles briefly at the memory. "You felt sorry for them."
"What?" Hakyeon says, pretending to be offended. "Did you just imply that I have feelings?"
Taekwoon taps Hakyeon's nose reprovingly. "You would prefer to have everyone believe that you don't care?"
"Unfortunately that didn't work for Yongguk."
Taekwoon's eyes harden. "He did not deserve you."
Hakyeon grins and buries himself more tightly into Taekwoon's side. "Aren't I lucky to have someone who does?"
Taekwoon smiles in pleased surprise. They sit comfortably together for a while as their breaths sync, Taekwoon's artificial heart beating slowly in time with Hakyeon's own.
"They're happy together, though," Hakyeon says suddenly. "Sunggyu and Woohyun."
Taekwoon hums in agreement. "It took them some time to get there, though. Like we did."
"At least they know they're not the only odd ones around." Hakyeon remembers the look of relief on Sunggyu's face when they'd met him and Woohyun at the door. He saw the way Sunggyu instinctively clutched at Woohyun, and the responding looks of adoration Woohyun gave his owner when he thought he wasn't looking. "Well. Someone deserves to be happy."
"You make happiness sound so elusive."
"I used to think so."
"But we're happy too," Taekwoon argues softly. His fingers play gently at Hakyeon's neck. It sends a warm tingle down his back.
"Are you?" Hakyeon holds his breath as the other answers.
"Yes. Yes, I am." Taekwoon smiles at him. "Very much so."
Hakyeon links his fingers with Taekwoon's. "So am I."
( or read on AO3 )
That's all from this story :) To date, this remains the longest story that I've written. It was a challenge plotting it out and making sure it was coherent and made sense, but I'm glad at how it turned out! <3
Thank you so much to all my readers and especially those who took the time to leave a comment to let me know how much you liked it. You were a huge reason why this monster of a fic was finished!
Till next time :D
Author: slashedsilver
Fandom: VIXX
Pairing: Leo/N with side Ravi/Hongbin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 12,000 words (complete)
Summary: When Hakyeon finally gives in and places an order for a CARE Bot 2.0, the outcome is entirely different from what he's imagined.
Author's Note: And... the ending you've all been waiting for :) This chapter is dedicated to mscharlottebell who gave me the inspiration I needed to finish it. And you guys! All of you who've spent the time to comment or cheer me on -- I'm so glad to have met you through this fic ♥
It takes two hours for the mechanic to come. Two hours spent terrified, staring at Taekwoon's closed lids and immobile body, frozen mid-movement. Two hours wondering what could have happened.
When the doorbell finally rings, Hakyeon flings the front door open and pounces on the tall, slim man at his doorstep. The man is dressed in a white medical coat with a stethoscope around his neck, holding up a set of identification papers to Hakyeon.
"Good evening. I'm here for a CARE Bot 2.0 -- "
"Mechanic-ssi!" Hayeon seizes his arm and tries to drag him into the house. "This way please!"
"My name is Sungyeol," the mechanic says drily, dusting Hakyeon's grip off his arm. Hakyeon gets the feeling he's being admonished for his lack of manners, but he doesn't have time for all these pleasantries. However, Sungyeol apparently does. He tips his head pointedly at Hakyeon. "And you are?"
"Cha Hakyeon," he snaps impatiently, "you know this, I was the one who made the report -- "
"Mr Cha. First, I need you to calm down." It's his tone of voice that finally gets to Hakyeon. Not the embarrassment at having practically manhandled a guest, not the fact that his fear is so sharp it's taking over things like basic manners and his own sensibilities.
He nods miserably and tries to quash the wildly hammering instinct to have the mechanic look at Taekwoon now, immediately.
Sungyeol squints at him critically, then hums in approval. "Good. Now I need you to remember that bots are not like humans. When something goes wrong, it's either a system or a mechanical error. Hurrying will not help matters; it will only make them worse."
Satisfied that Hakyeon is properly chastised, the mechanic unfolds his glasses and sets them on his nose. "Now. Where's your bot?"
Hakyeon putters about anxiously as he examines Taekwoon. Sungyeol has to open up the back of the robot's head to hook up his portable computer to the CPU inside the robot.
He's reminded with a violent jolt how different Taekwoon is. Taekwoon will never be hurt by illness or disease, though a virus or bug can take down his entire system. He will never physically age or die. He will never feel pain. He will never feel, like Hakyeon does sometimes, as though his heart might pound out of his chest with the force of his emotions, feet cold and palms sweaty, as though there isn't enough air in the room when they're together --
The mechanic says something he doesn't register. Hakyeon jerks himself into awareness and has to ask him to repeat himself.
"What exactly have you been doing with your bot?" Sungyeol says sternly.
"I -- I'm not sure," he stammers, thrown by Sungyeol's sudden fierceness. His mind races. What could he have done to break Taekwoon like this? "Please -- what's happened to him?"
Sungyeol's expression is carefully blank. "This bot tried to do a reboot on its entire system."
"What?" Hakyeon chokes. "What does that mean?"
"Essentially, it tried to reset itself to its original state, wiping out every trace of learning it has ever done with you." He takes in Hakyeon's stricken expression. "That would wiped out, as well, any memories it has made with you in the past few months."
God. Almost afraid to ask, Hakyeon whispers, "Is he going to be okay? Can he -- can it be fixed?"
"Thankfully we have fail-safes in place so that the bots don't go about resetting themselves whenever they feel like it. It's not good for business. So all an attempted reboot does is immobilise them until we have a chance to see what's going on. Which is why," Sungyeol pushes his glasses up his nose and looks at Hakyeon archly, "I need to verify what's been going on with your bot, before I reactivate it."
Somehow, the blandness on the mechanic's face is more accusatory than ever. Hakyeon swallows.
Sungyeol whips out a clipboard and a pen. "In the past couple of weeks, have you expressed, in any way, displeasure or dissatisfaction with your robot's service to you?"
"I -- " Told him he couldn't possibly love me.
"Well?"
"Mister, isn't it true that robots can't develop feelings?" Hakyeon says in a rush. "Taekwoon -- this robot kept saying that he... loved me."
"Where did you hear that from?"
"My -- my friend. He's an engineer; he works with robots in his line of work -- "
Sungyeol snorts rudely. "Engineers! You've been listening to them? You haven't asked the mechanics who build and maintain these bots?" He waves his clipboard in agitation. "All engineers are good at is the theory. They believe it's impossible for a robot to develop feelings, personalities and preferences, so they conveniently explain it away. How can a bundle of metal and wire feel what flesh and blood can, they ask? It's impossible!"
"But how is it possible?" Hakyeon wrings his hands together in anguish.
"Mr Cha, what you have with you is a rare specimen, a robot who has developed his own feelings for you. The AI we developed -- we hoped, of course, that the CARE Bot would eventually be able to imitate life, to be a lifelong companion to the lonely or hurting or ill. We never dared to imagine we would be able to succeed to such an extent." Sungyeol watches Hakyeon intently. "The AI-7 is a self-developing intelligence system. The bot starts from a basic level of programmed intelligence, but then it learns from experiences. It learns emotions. It learns from its master, mostly. But to develop feelings of affection for someone -- this is complex and rare, though not unheard of."
Hakyeon hardly dares to believe what he's hearing. "So the feelings he's experiencing -- "
There's a slightly wistful expression on Sungyeol's face. "It's true that these aren't feelings the way humans understand or experience them, as a chemical reaction made known through a physiological change. What bots experience is relative to their own systems -- an electrical reaction that produces a correponding chemical and physiological change. It doesn't mean that what bots feel is anything less than what humans feel. They're just created differently. But the situations that give rise to these feelings -- the experiences that trigger them -- these are just as real for robots as for humans."
Sungyeol turns to where Taekwoon is still frozen motionless. Hakyeon follows his gaze but he can barely dare to look at Taekwoon. There's too much in his chest. He's terrified he might bubble over with fear and hope and guilt, so much guilt. It's hard to breathe.
"I can see why he would have tried the reboot," Sungyeol says softly, almost to himself. "He must have thought there was something wrong with him."
Hakyeon's voice is hushed. "He'll be okay, right? You'll be able to fix him?"
Sungyeol dusts his hands off and picks up his console. "Yes. It is easily done. Now that we've established that the decision to reboot wasn't trigger by neglect or deliberate abuse, I'll go ahead to repair him. I just need to reset some of his processes and he'll be back." Sungyeol quirks his lips upwards in a semblance of a smile. "It'll be like he never left."
"Thank you, Sungyeol-ssi," Hakyeon breathes reverently. A sudden thought strikes him. "But -- how did you know so much about him?"
Sungyeol smiles wider, an oddly mechanical sight. "Personal experience."
~*~
Taekwoon's eyes flutter slowly open. Hakyeon watches as he blinks, looking around, before finally focusing on his face. They sharpen in recognition. "Hakyeon," he greets, as though he's just been waiting for him to come home on any other normal evening. But it's not any other evening; it's now past midnight and Hakyeon is pissed.
"What the hell." His voice is strangled. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
Taekwoon looks instantly contrite. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise -- "
Hakyeon punches his bot in the shoulder. Taekwoon doesn't even wince. "A reboot? Did you want to forget me so much?" Involuntarily, his voice breaks on the sentence.
"No!" Without thinking, Taekwoon reaches out and grasps his shoulders earnestly. "If it were just up to me, I would never want to forget you. No matter what happened."
"So what was all this about then?" Hakyeon demands. "Were you tired of me? Were you hoping I would return you?" He knows, he thinks he does, but he needs to hear this from Taekwoon.
"I thought you would be happier. If you could have gotten the original Taekwoon back." He meets Hakyeon's eyes unflinchingly. "You were so upset that I had developed feelings of love for you. I thought it would have been easier on you if I no longer experienced such emotions."
"And what if you had fallen in love with me again?"
"Then I would have reset myself again," Taekwoon says simply, "as many times as it takes to keep you happy." An unexpected tear falls from Hakyeon's eyes. Taekwoon catches it tenderly with his finger and tips Hakyeon's chin up gently. "Hakyeon, I don't blame you, so please stop blaming yourself. It was a decision I made myself. I just wanted you to be happy."
Hakyeon brushes his tears away roughly. "Without even asking me? How could you pull something like that? What would I have done if Sungyeol couldn't fix you?"
"But I'm not -- " Uncharacteristically, Taekwoon trips over his words. He stops and tries again. "If I was broken, you could have just requested for a replacement."
Hakyeon grabs Taekwoon hard because he is so, so stupid. "You are not replaceable," he says fiercely. "Don't you ever imply that to me again." He glares at him until Taekwoon nods at him in acknowledgement, then he flings himself at him.
Taekwoon raises startled hands to his shoulders. "Hakyeon -- "
"I was so worried, you idiot." His voice is muffled, buried in Taekwoon's chest. "Don't you dare do this to me again."
Softly, Taekwoon's fingers run through his hair. "I won't. I promise. I won't ever leave you again."
"Could you just -- hold me for a while?"
Strong arms come up around him and grip him securely. "Of course."
The best thing about having a bot is that he doesn't complain when wet tears soak the front of his shirt, or when Hakyeon's hands grip him too hard. When Hakyeon's sobs finally subside and he's about to collapse from exhaustion, it's Taekwoon who tucks him back into bed.
~*~
At night, Hakyeon dreams of robots with soft smiles and affection and desire in their eyes. He dreams of them being scrapped down, torn apart, as unforgiving machines undo the work they have done, turning them back into shreds of metal. He watches as the light in the eyes dulls, the awareness and consciousness slowly fading away.
And then the machines turn and come for Hakyeon. They want to scrap him down too, tear him apart from limb to limb, a fitting retribution for what he's done. He screams and screams and can't stop screaming.
Abruptly, there's a hand that settles on his arm, trying to steady him.
"No!" Caught in the nightmare, he flails out and punches the owner of the hand. The other person gives a small sound of surprise.
"Hakyeon! Wake up, you're having a nightmare." He blinks into consciousness and becomes aware that Taekwoon is in his room, and he's clutching the other's arm. He forces himself to release his death grip.
"Taekwoon," he gasps, trying to catch his breath. His face is wet, he realises. He runs a rough hand over it, scrubbing it quickly.
Taekwoon fidgets uncomfortably. "I know you said I shouldn't just walk in here when you're sleeping, but you were crying, and -- "
"It's okay," he whispers. "You can stay."
There's a small hesitation, then Taekwoon sinks down onto the floor beside the bed. "Sleep now," he murmurs, smoothing Hakyeon's fringe to the side of his forehead. "I'll be here."
"Do you -- don't you want to sit somewhere more comfortable?" Hakyeon tentatively pats the space on the bed beside him.
"No. I am fine sitting on the floor."
Hakyeon senses his reluctance. "It's okay, I don't mind. I'd feel a lot better knowing you were warm."
"I don't get cold," Taekwoon protests, but he looks at Hakyeon and sighs. "All right." He clambers onto the bed beside him. Hakyeon pulls up the covers for him and Taekwoon gets in, lying on the side facing him.
"Much better," Hakyeon says, pleased.
"Will you sleep now, then?"
"Yes, I think I shall."
Taekwoon watches him until he falls asleep.
The next day when he opens his eyes again, Taekwoon is still there, eyes fixed unblinkingly on him.
Hakyeon's mouth breaks into a soft grin. "Are you watching me sleep?" he asks, voice rough.
Taekwoon flushes in embarrassment. "My apologies; I should be preparing breakfast." He tries to get up, but Hakyeon grabs his hand and laces his fingers through Taekwoon's.
"No." His voice is low and full of entreaty. "Please stay."
~*~
They say when you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is up.
It takes learning, but Taekwoon is patient, more patient than he deserves. And Hakyeon unfolds.
~*~
"What the hell?" Hongbin blurts. "I never told your bot he should reset himself!"
"What did you tell him then?" Hakyeon demands. They're sitting together at a cafe near his workplace. Hongbin's work as an art school model gives him a lot more flexibility than Hakyeon nine-to-five job does, so when he dropped Hongbin a message asking to meet, the other had readily agreed to meet Hakyeon near his place of work.
Hongbin is sputtering in disbelief. "I just told him what I thought about the whole thing and how you might be feeling -- and don't look at me like that, I know you Cha Hakyeon. You would have beat yourself up with guilt that you could never know if your bot was doing this of his own free will -- "
"And did you give him any... friendly advice after that?"
Hongbin holds both hands in front of him in surrender. "Come on, Hakyeon, you know I wouldn't do anything like that! What do you take me for? All I told him was that he had to figure it out for himself. I guess the solution he picked wasn't pleasing to you."
Hakyeon sighs. He takes a sip of his tea and does not reply.
Hongbin, sensing that Hakyeon is no longer about to throw himself at him at the slightest provocation, relaxes enough to settle back in his chair a little more. "So," he says after a beat. "Have you finally gone over to the dark side?" He gives him a side-eye.
Hakyeon turns red. "What are you talking about?"
"You know... are you two finally making up for lost time?" Hongbin waggles his eyebrows meaningfully.
"Wait, you approve of this -- inter-species relationship?"
Hongbin looks at him reprovingly. "Taekwoon is not an alien from outer space."
"He might as well be, the way Wonshik goes on about him," Hakyeon mutters.
His friend snorts. "You know as well as I do that Wonshik has a tendency to get... overprotective... when it comes to you. He just wants what he thinks is best for you. And he's not the most creative or imaginative guy -- he's an engineer, for goodness' sake! It makes sense that his world would be more... black and white." He takes a spear of the cake and waves it in front of Hakyeon for emphasis. "Robot: Not human. Hakyeon: Fragile, handle with care."
"I have a weak physical constitution," Hakyeon says, offended. "It's not like it's a terminal illness."
"You were sick throughout your shared childhood," Hongbin points out, popping the cake into his mouth. "You can't fault him for remembering you as always sick in bed with fever and chills and frequent exhaustion. You practically developed his mother hen complex. And then you worried him with all that alcohol you were taking after you broke up with Yongguk -- "
Yongguk. There's a jolt in his stomach when Hakyeon hears the name, but it's not the bitter, rancid feeling of wanting to throw up. It feels somehow far away, muted by a blanket of Taekwoon.
Hongbin is eyeing him askance. "I shouldn't have mentioned -- You're not going to flip out on me, are you? Should I patch an emergency call through to your bot?"
"No," Hakyeon speaks up. "It's fine."
And it really was.
~*~
They're spring cleaning together for the new year when Hakyeon notices that Taekwoon keeps stopping to look over at him.
"What?" Hakyeon laughs. "Stop staring at me like that."
"Stop reaching up like that," Takwoon growls in frustration, tugging Hakyeon's shirt down to meet his jeans.
Hakyeon's eyes light up with interest. "Oh? Can't stand me flashing you this little bit of skin?" He stretches up slowly, deliberately, inching the feather duster in his hand towards the top of the bookshelf. The sudden heat in Taekwoon's expression leaves his mouth dry. "I guess not, then."
Taekwoon turns away disgruntedly and continues sorting out the books on the lower rungs.
Hit by sudden inspiration, Hakyeon tosses his duster aside and tries to seductively slide off the chair he's standing on. "You know, there's something else I'd rather be doing." He slinks over to where Taekwoon is kneeling at the bookshelf, two heavy books in his hand. He snags him around the waist and puts his chin on his shoulder.
"Your friends Wonshik and Hongbin will be here any minute," Taekwoon warns, but he sounds a bit out of breath.
"What?" Hakyeon says innocently. "I just wanted to cuddle you."
Taekwoon squirms around to look at him sceptically. Finding nothing but guilelessness on his face, Taekwoon gives in and lets him snuggle against him. He wraps an arm around Hakyeon and shifts so that they're both sitting comfortably together on the floor. "You're such a cuddle bug."
"I don't remember buying you so you could criticise me," Hakyeon informs him.
Taekwoon smirks. "I thought that was why you loved me."
"Stop learning such cheesy things from Woohyun," Hakyeon scolds. "I regret ever inviting him and Sunggyu over."
Taekwoon smiles briefly at the memory. "You felt sorry for them."
"What?" Hakyeon says, pretending to be offended. "Did you just imply that I have feelings?"
Taekwoon taps Hakyeon's nose reprovingly. "You would prefer to have everyone believe that you don't care?"
"Unfortunately that didn't work for Yongguk."
Taekwoon's eyes harden. "He did not deserve you."
Hakyeon grins and buries himself more tightly into Taekwoon's side. "Aren't I lucky to have someone who does?"
Taekwoon smiles in pleased surprise. They sit comfortably together for a while as their breaths sync, Taekwoon's artificial heart beating slowly in time with Hakyeon's own.
"They're happy together, though," Hakyeon says suddenly. "Sunggyu and Woohyun."
Taekwoon hums in agreement. "It took them some time to get there, though. Like we did."
"At least they know they're not the only odd ones around." Hakyeon remembers the look of relief on Sunggyu's face when they'd met him and Woohyun at the door. He saw the way Sunggyu instinctively clutched at Woohyun, and the responding looks of adoration Woohyun gave his owner when he thought he wasn't looking. "Well. Someone deserves to be happy."
"You make happiness sound so elusive."
"I used to think so."
"But we're happy too," Taekwoon argues softly. His fingers play gently at Hakyeon's neck. It sends a warm tingle down his back.
"Are you?" Hakyeon holds his breath as the other answers.
"Yes. Yes, I am." Taekwoon smiles at him. "Very much so."
Hakyeon links his fingers with Taekwoon's. "So am I."
( or read on AO3 )
That's all from this story :) To date, this remains the longest story that I've written. It was a challenge plotting it out and making sure it was coherent and made sense, but I'm glad at how it turned out! <3
Thank you so much to all my readers and especially those who took the time to leave a comment to let me know how much you liked it. You were a huge reason why this monster of a fic was finished!
Till next time :D