steel heart!AU [five]
Title: steel heart!AU
Author: slashedsilver
Fandom: VIXX
Pairing: Leo/N with side Ravi/Hongbin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,800 words (so far)
Summary: When Hakyeon finally gives in and places an order for a CARE Bot 2.0, the outcome is entirely different from what he's imagined.
Author's Note: This one's a whopper! I deliberated putting it in two separate chapters but decided not to draw it out too much :) Thanks, sypherus-xiii -- your comments got me off my butt and working hard again. Sorry for the wait, everyone! Hope you're still enjoying the fic :)
Hakyeon winds up waking up every few hours to bend over the toilet bowl, vomiting all the alcohol out. Each time, Taekwoon is patient and steady beside him, hands patting his back as he heaves, cleaning him off with a wet cloth when he's done, supporting him as he wobbles back to bed. Each time, Hakyeon has to be careful not to look directly at Taekwoon. He's too weak, in this state. He won't let himself fall again.
The next morning, he finds himself surrounded by warm sheets, tucked carefully around him. He's alone. There's no sign that Taekwoon was ever there -- if not for the pyjamas he's now wearing and the sour taste he has in his mouth. A sudden pain shoots through his head and he claps his hand to it. The curtains, thankfully, are drawn, so his eyes can take the time to adjust to the morning light.
On the table beside his bed is a thermos flask with a small note affixed to it. Drink this, the writing on the paper orders.
"Taekwoon," he murmurs, recognising the handwriting. Hakyeon unscrews the cap on the flask and breathes in the steam rising from it. It's ginger tea, hot and comforting. It seems to chase away his headache, or at least make it more manageable to look around without his head protesting about being attached to his body.
There are sounds coming from the kitchen, so Hakyeon wraps his sleeping robe more tightly around him before he shuffles out in his bedroom slippers. He hesitates at his bedroom door, then braces himself and pushes it open. Time to face the music.
Taekwoon is there behind the kitchen counter, preparing something as usual. Chicken soup, Hakyeon identifies. The clock tells him it's already pushing eleven. Taekwoon's back stiffens as Hakyeon approaches, but he doesn't say anything. He momentarily entertains the thought of pretending last night never happened, then decides he isn't that much of a coward.
"Er. Sorry about last night," he says, coming to a standstill behind the kitchen island. "I tend to get maudlin when I drink."
It's an excuse, a flimsy one, but he doesn't want things to be awkward. He's decided to keep things clearly separate in his head: Taekwoon is a CARE Bot, a good one, but definitely not human. He has to repeat the phrase to himself several times before his brain gets it.
"I need to talk to you about something."
A feeling of dread goes down Hakyeon's spine, but he forces himself to sound casual in his reply. "What's it about?"
Taekwoon switches off the fire on the stove and covers the simmmering pot. When he turns, his expression is tense, more tense than Hakyeon has ever seen him. Is he going to talk about what Hyuk told him? What had Hyuk told him?
But it turns out to be something else entirely.
"Last night, you kept saying I don't know what it's like to feel." Taekwoon takes a deep breath that he doesn't need, but it seems to steady him. "On one level it's true. I'm made out of a bunch of electrical wires and parts. Everything I see, experience, and how I make sense of it -- it's filtered through my programming. But these feelings -- " Taekwoon looks agitated. "I can't explain these sensations. They're not located in any part of my brain, and there's just no label to explain what I... feel when I see you."
Hakyeon swallows. "How do you feel, when you see me?" It's a whisper.
"Like everything's going too fast, or too slow," Taekwoon answers readily. "Like your smile and your voice can light up the entire room, even though logically I know that the brightness of the room is undetermined by your physical presence. My sight is drawn to you whenever you're around. Even when you're not, I find my thoughts returning to you again and again. I wait for you to come back, every day. Not just to feed you, but because I honestly want to see you. From the moment you step out of the house in the morning to the time you return. And in the mornings -- you may think I kiss you good-bye as some sort of duty or ritual, but the truth is I just want an excuse to feel you under my lips."
It's so raw. Taekwoon is the one baring his heart, but Hakyeon is the one with face burning red and heart pounding at his honesty. Like he has nothing to hide. Like he isn't ashamed of how he feels.
He forces himself to quash the burgeoning hope in his heart. "You're programmed to love me." It tastes like ashes in his mouth.
Taekwoon shakes his head. "I'm programmed to care for you. To look out for your needs and meet them. There's nothing in my programming to force me to... have feelings for you."
"Maybe you sensed that I needed someone to love, then," Hakyeon retorts, chest constricting. "Maybe your AI made you develop feelings for me."
Taekwoon opens his mouth but for once, nothing comes out. His expression is troubled. He stares at Hakyeon with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry," Hakyeon blurts, feeling like an utter heel. "I shouldn't have said that." He has no right to make Taekwoon bear the brunt of his insecurities. He has no right to tell Taekwoon he has no free will to make his own choices or make him feel like any less of a person.
"It's okay." But Taekwoon's face doesn't lose that frozen expression. Hakyeon hates himself for inflicting it on him. He wants to do something to comfort Taekwoon, but he doesn't dare to touch him. He can't get too close.
He blurts the first thing that comes to his mind. "Look, I know how we can fix this. We'll just go back to the start. We'll pretend none of this happened. Ctrl+Z, undo, reset."
"Pretend I never loved you?" Taekwoon raises wounded eyes to him.
Hakyeon's breath catches. Despite knowing that Taekwoon has to love him, that he has no say in this matter. God, he hates himself. That a few heartfelt words can bring him to his knees, just like they had with -- Yongguk. He grits his teeth. "Yes. We'll do that."
"And what if I can't stop?"
"We'll just have to pretend." His heart is frantic, desperate now. He needs Taekwoon to agree. He needs him to stop talking to him like he means what he says.
"As you wish." Taekwoon's voice is quiet.
It works, somewhat. They fall back into routine, just that Taekwoon is more carefully stilted and distant than he used to be, and Hakyeon no longer trusts himself to be in overly close proximity to Taekwoon.
It's torture. It was better when he hadn't known, hadn't thought of it as a possibility. Now that he's forcing himself to keep his distance, he realises how much Taekwoon has been making his way into his life -- his heart. It's like working through a break-up, except there isn't anything to break up, Hakyeon insists to himself, because they'd barely started.
There are times he catches Taekwoon staring at him, unexpected heat in his eyes, and he stares helplessly back, pinned in his gaze and almost -- almost -- believing it's real. Hakyeon always makes an excuse to leave the room then.
He can't stay. Not when he might forget, again, that Taekwoon is just a robot.
~*~
Wonshik comes over for dinner one Saturday with Hongbin in tow. Hakyeon greets them at the door, with Taekwoon standing a polite distance behind him.
"We brought side dishes," Hongbin says cheerfully, holding them up. "Kimchi, cucumber, anchovies, and that black fungus you like."
Wonshik is regarding Taekwoon with undisguised curiosity. "And this would be..."
"Taekwoon," Hakyeon says absently, reaching over to take the gifts. "I mean -- my CARE Bot 2.0." Behind him, Taekwoon jerks, an almost involuntary movement.
"Oh," Wonshik says, face clearing in understanding. "And here I was thinking you'd finally found someone else." Hakyeon tenses despite himself.
Hongbin thwaps the back of Wonshik's head. "Stop embarrassing us all. Are you making a career of putting your foot in your mouth?" Wonshik clutches his head in pain but has the courtesy to look slightly abashed.
"Why am I still friends with you?" Hakyeon mutters half-heartedly. "Come on in."
As Taekwoon starts to lead the guests in, Wonshik stops and murmurs to Hakyeon, "He's totally your type, though." Though his words are teasing, his eyes are expectantly fixed on him. Hakyeon swallows and pushes him towards the dining table.
Dinner is incredible. Taekwoon has outdone himself, preparing a liberal feast for the guests. He brings out the dishes one by one to Wonshik and Hongbin's gasps of awe, then excuses himself softly. Hakyeon watches him go. There was a time when Taekwoon would sit and watch him eat, even if he never ate anything himself. It hasn't happened in a long while.
"This is amazing," Hongbin says, stuffing rice into his mouth and then moving his chopsticks busily to pick up more of the scallion pancake. He nudges Wonshik, who's sitting at his side. "Maybe we should consider getting a bot of our own."
Wonshik looks highly affronted. "I can cook just fine!"
"Ah, but this is in a league of its own. He can win competitions with this kind of food. He can set up a five star Michelin restaurant with this kind of food. That kimchi stew is one step away from world domination."
Wonshik scowls at the ginseng chicken like it has personally offended him. "Hey," he says suddenly, looking at Hakyeon. "It's all your favourite food."
Hakyeon freezes. "Er, yeah. It's one of the things he likes to do."
"Learn the kind of food you like and cook it." Wonshik's eyes are sharp. He adds, "That's one of the features of a good self-developing AI, isn't it?"
Hakyeon's hand trembles as he reaches for his tea cup. Wonshik doesn't miss it.
"What's going on, Hakyeon?"
Next to Wonshik, Hongbin stiffens, abruptly realising that the atmosphere has changed. He swallows his mouthful and pushes his chair back, saying, "I'll just -- nip over to the bathroom for a while. Must have been something I ate." He practically runs out of the dining room.
Hakyeon studiously doesn't meet Wonshik's eyes. His best friend reaches out to grasp his hand. "Tell me. What's happened?"
The best he can do is obfuscation, because even he can't face it head on. "You know, in your line of work, do you use robots a lot?"
Understanding lights in Wonshik's eyes. "We do. They do most of the things we can't, because they're built to be much more resistant to things like heat or extreme cold, whereas we aren't."
"And -- have you interacted with them much?"
"They mostly keep to themselves. Since they don't really need things like a lunch break. And when we go out to dinner with the other engineers afterwards, they usually opt to go into hibernation mode early. Hakyeon," he cuts in abruptly, "is this about Taekwoon?"
The helplessness on Hakyeon's face is all he needs.
"Are you falling for him?"
Hakyeon whispers, "He says he loves me." Which is not directly answering the question, but the other doesn't notice.
"Hakyeon-ah," Wonshik tries, as gently he can. "Taekwoon is a robot. He can't have feelings. It's just not possible."
Hakyeon knows this, of course. But it doesn't stop the fact that his heart is breaking.
~*~
Hongbin bumps into Hakyeon's bot on the way back from the bathroom.
"Ah -- Taekwoon!" Hongbin greets, remembering the name Hakyeon gave him. "Is it safe to go back now?"
There's an oddly removed expression on Taekwoon's face. "Yes. They seem to be done talking."
He peers around the corner to see Wonshik and Hakyeon wrapped up in each other's embrace. "Not again," he groans, spinning around again. "They always do this, you know? Something about having known each other since young."
He gives an awkward laugh, but Taekwoon is stiff.
An entirely ludicrous thought crosses Hongbin's mind. He hesitates, then asks, "Are you -- are you jealous?"
"He doesn't let me do this for him," Taekwoon says softly, eyes still fixed on the dining table.
"He doesn't let a lot of people do this for him," Hongbin says honestly. "Only Wonshik." Taekwoon's eyes flash and Hongbin backs up hurriedly. "Chill, dude -- what they have is entirely platonic. Or I would have gotten on Wonshik's case for it long ago."
Taekwoon crosses his arms and doesn't answer.
Hongbin stares at him, at a loss. How do you deal with a jealous robot? "Hakyeon -- Hakyeon is special," he tries. "He's been through a tough period -- "
"I know," Taekwoon says unexpectedly.
Flabbergasted, he asks, "He -- told you?"
"Sanghyuk told me." Taekwoon blows out an irritated breath. "Hakyeon doesn't tell me things like these."
"Hakyeon -- " Hongbin stops. "He doesn't share things like this easily. The only person he really trusts is Wonshik. And he's just come from a very bad break-up. I'm sure you can understand that he doesn't want to go through that again so soon."
"But I would never betray him. I love him." Taekwoon's eyes are earnest.
Hongbin sighs. Of all the things he expected to spend his Saturday evening doing, counselling Hakyeon's bot certainly wasn't on the list. "Taekwoon, I'm sure you think you love him -- "
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Taekwoon demands, frustrated. "I know how I feel about him."
Hongbin laughs, a choked sound. "If you've been telling Hakyeon things like this, it's no wonder he doesn't dare to trust himself with you."
"I -- "
"Hakyeon loses his heart really easily," he says bluntly. "He feels too much. There are people who can share their bodies or their emotions without losing themselves, but Hakyeon isn't one of them." He pauses. "He's afraid he'll lose his heart to you."
"Would that be so bad?" Taekwoon whispers. "I can take care of him for life."
"It would be, since he can never know for sure that you love him." He raises a stalling hand and Taekwoon falls silent, whatever arguments he was about to make fading away. "Hear me out. I'm in no place to tell you whether your feelings are true or not. But Hakyeon thinks of himself as so utterly unlovable that the only way someone can be with him is if they're obligated to."
Taekwoon shuts his eyes. Hongbin isn't sure if he's signalling that he's tired of listening or busy processing what he's been told, but he presses on anyway. There are things that need to be said, for Hakyeon's sake.
"I'm sure you can see that you being a robot -- someone he's bought to be with him, further someone who's been made according to his specifications -- it just muddies this up even more. He doesn't trust himself with you. He's only going to feel that he's forcing you into something you don't want. No matter how much you might want it."
What a mess. Hongbin's head hurts. Taekwoon's expression doesn't change, but the droop of his shoulders tells Hongbin that he got to him. How did he end up here playing the bad guy?
Taekwoon asks, "What should I do, then?"
~*~
It's dark when Hakyeon returns from work. Which is odd, because Taekwoon always has the light on and dinner waiting for him when he gets back.
"Taekwoon?" he calls, putting his briefcase on the floor and loosening his tie. "Are you in the bathroom?"
But the bathroom light is switched off. Nothing's on, in fact. Hakyeon would have suspected a black-out except that the lights come on easily with the flick on the switch -- revealing the breakfast dishes still in the sink.
Now that's really odd. Taekwoon has never gone out for so long before. If anything, his urge to make sure Hakyeon was watered and fed overrode any other tendencies he might have had.
"Taekwoon?" The door to Taekwoon's room is closed. Hakyeon pushes it open. There's a dark figure slumped by the side of the bed, slightly bent and unmoving. "There you are -- "
But he's unresponsive, parked in the corner like he's forgotten how to move.
And Hakyeon screams.
( or read on AO3 )
Author: slashedsilver
Fandom: VIXX
Pairing: Leo/N with side Ravi/Hongbin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,800 words (so far)
Summary: When Hakyeon finally gives in and places an order for a CARE Bot 2.0, the outcome is entirely different from what he's imagined.
Author's Note: This one's a whopper! I deliberated putting it in two separate chapters but decided not to draw it out too much :) Thanks, sypherus-xiii -- your comments got me off my butt and working hard again. Sorry for the wait, everyone! Hope you're still enjoying the fic :)
Hakyeon winds up waking up every few hours to bend over the toilet bowl, vomiting all the alcohol out. Each time, Taekwoon is patient and steady beside him, hands patting his back as he heaves, cleaning him off with a wet cloth when he's done, supporting him as he wobbles back to bed. Each time, Hakyeon has to be careful not to look directly at Taekwoon. He's too weak, in this state. He won't let himself fall again.
The next morning, he finds himself surrounded by warm sheets, tucked carefully around him. He's alone. There's no sign that Taekwoon was ever there -- if not for the pyjamas he's now wearing and the sour taste he has in his mouth. A sudden pain shoots through his head and he claps his hand to it. The curtains, thankfully, are drawn, so his eyes can take the time to adjust to the morning light.
On the table beside his bed is a thermos flask with a small note affixed to it. Drink this, the writing on the paper orders.
"Taekwoon," he murmurs, recognising the handwriting. Hakyeon unscrews the cap on the flask and breathes in the steam rising from it. It's ginger tea, hot and comforting. It seems to chase away his headache, or at least make it more manageable to look around without his head protesting about being attached to his body.
There are sounds coming from the kitchen, so Hakyeon wraps his sleeping robe more tightly around him before he shuffles out in his bedroom slippers. He hesitates at his bedroom door, then braces himself and pushes it open. Time to face the music.
Taekwoon is there behind the kitchen counter, preparing something as usual. Chicken soup, Hakyeon identifies. The clock tells him it's already pushing eleven. Taekwoon's back stiffens as Hakyeon approaches, but he doesn't say anything. He momentarily entertains the thought of pretending last night never happened, then decides he isn't that much of a coward.
"Er. Sorry about last night," he says, coming to a standstill behind the kitchen island. "I tend to get maudlin when I drink."
It's an excuse, a flimsy one, but he doesn't want things to be awkward. He's decided to keep things clearly separate in his head: Taekwoon is a CARE Bot, a good one, but definitely not human. He has to repeat the phrase to himself several times before his brain gets it.
"I need to talk to you about something."
A feeling of dread goes down Hakyeon's spine, but he forces himself to sound casual in his reply. "What's it about?"
Taekwoon switches off the fire on the stove and covers the simmmering pot. When he turns, his expression is tense, more tense than Hakyeon has ever seen him. Is he going to talk about what Hyuk told him? What had Hyuk told him?
But it turns out to be something else entirely.
"Last night, you kept saying I don't know what it's like to feel." Taekwoon takes a deep breath that he doesn't need, but it seems to steady him. "On one level it's true. I'm made out of a bunch of electrical wires and parts. Everything I see, experience, and how I make sense of it -- it's filtered through my programming. But these feelings -- " Taekwoon looks agitated. "I can't explain these sensations. They're not located in any part of my brain, and there's just no label to explain what I... feel when I see you."
Hakyeon swallows. "How do you feel, when you see me?" It's a whisper.
"Like everything's going too fast, or too slow," Taekwoon answers readily. "Like your smile and your voice can light up the entire room, even though logically I know that the brightness of the room is undetermined by your physical presence. My sight is drawn to you whenever you're around. Even when you're not, I find my thoughts returning to you again and again. I wait for you to come back, every day. Not just to feed you, but because I honestly want to see you. From the moment you step out of the house in the morning to the time you return. And in the mornings -- you may think I kiss you good-bye as some sort of duty or ritual, but the truth is I just want an excuse to feel you under my lips."
It's so raw. Taekwoon is the one baring his heart, but Hakyeon is the one with face burning red and heart pounding at his honesty. Like he has nothing to hide. Like he isn't ashamed of how he feels.
He forces himself to quash the burgeoning hope in his heart. "You're programmed to love me." It tastes like ashes in his mouth.
Taekwoon shakes his head. "I'm programmed to care for you. To look out for your needs and meet them. There's nothing in my programming to force me to... have feelings for you."
"Maybe you sensed that I needed someone to love, then," Hakyeon retorts, chest constricting. "Maybe your AI made you develop feelings for me."
Taekwoon opens his mouth but for once, nothing comes out. His expression is troubled. He stares at Hakyeon with wide eyes.
"I'm sorry," Hakyeon blurts, feeling like an utter heel. "I shouldn't have said that." He has no right to make Taekwoon bear the brunt of his insecurities. He has no right to tell Taekwoon he has no free will to make his own choices or make him feel like any less of a person.
"It's okay." But Taekwoon's face doesn't lose that frozen expression. Hakyeon hates himself for inflicting it on him. He wants to do something to comfort Taekwoon, but he doesn't dare to touch him. He can't get too close.
He blurts the first thing that comes to his mind. "Look, I know how we can fix this. We'll just go back to the start. We'll pretend none of this happened. Ctrl+Z, undo, reset."
"Pretend I never loved you?" Taekwoon raises wounded eyes to him.
Hakyeon's breath catches. Despite knowing that Taekwoon has to love him, that he has no say in this matter. God, he hates himself. That a few heartfelt words can bring him to his knees, just like they had with -- Yongguk. He grits his teeth. "Yes. We'll do that."
"And what if I can't stop?"
"We'll just have to pretend." His heart is frantic, desperate now. He needs Taekwoon to agree. He needs him to stop talking to him like he means what he says.
"As you wish." Taekwoon's voice is quiet.
It works, somewhat. They fall back into routine, just that Taekwoon is more carefully stilted and distant than he used to be, and Hakyeon no longer trusts himself to be in overly close proximity to Taekwoon.
It's torture. It was better when he hadn't known, hadn't thought of it as a possibility. Now that he's forcing himself to keep his distance, he realises how much Taekwoon has been making his way into his life -- his heart. It's like working through a break-up, except there isn't anything to break up, Hakyeon insists to himself, because they'd barely started.
There are times he catches Taekwoon staring at him, unexpected heat in his eyes, and he stares helplessly back, pinned in his gaze and almost -- almost -- believing it's real. Hakyeon always makes an excuse to leave the room then.
He can't stay. Not when he might forget, again, that Taekwoon is just a robot.
~*~
Wonshik comes over for dinner one Saturday with Hongbin in tow. Hakyeon greets them at the door, with Taekwoon standing a polite distance behind him.
"We brought side dishes," Hongbin says cheerfully, holding them up. "Kimchi, cucumber, anchovies, and that black fungus you like."
Wonshik is regarding Taekwoon with undisguised curiosity. "And this would be..."
"Taekwoon," Hakyeon says absently, reaching over to take the gifts. "I mean -- my CARE Bot 2.0." Behind him, Taekwoon jerks, an almost involuntary movement.
"Oh," Wonshik says, face clearing in understanding. "And here I was thinking you'd finally found someone else." Hakyeon tenses despite himself.
Hongbin thwaps the back of Wonshik's head. "Stop embarrassing us all. Are you making a career of putting your foot in your mouth?" Wonshik clutches his head in pain but has the courtesy to look slightly abashed.
"Why am I still friends with you?" Hakyeon mutters half-heartedly. "Come on in."
As Taekwoon starts to lead the guests in, Wonshik stops and murmurs to Hakyeon, "He's totally your type, though." Though his words are teasing, his eyes are expectantly fixed on him. Hakyeon swallows and pushes him towards the dining table.
Dinner is incredible. Taekwoon has outdone himself, preparing a liberal feast for the guests. He brings out the dishes one by one to Wonshik and Hongbin's gasps of awe, then excuses himself softly. Hakyeon watches him go. There was a time when Taekwoon would sit and watch him eat, even if he never ate anything himself. It hasn't happened in a long while.
"This is amazing," Hongbin says, stuffing rice into his mouth and then moving his chopsticks busily to pick up more of the scallion pancake. He nudges Wonshik, who's sitting at his side. "Maybe we should consider getting a bot of our own."
Wonshik looks highly affronted. "I can cook just fine!"
"Ah, but this is in a league of its own. He can win competitions with this kind of food. He can set up a five star Michelin restaurant with this kind of food. That kimchi stew is one step away from world domination."
Wonshik scowls at the ginseng chicken like it has personally offended him. "Hey," he says suddenly, looking at Hakyeon. "It's all your favourite food."
Hakyeon freezes. "Er, yeah. It's one of the things he likes to do."
"Learn the kind of food you like and cook it." Wonshik's eyes are sharp. He adds, "That's one of the features of a good self-developing AI, isn't it?"
Hakyeon's hand trembles as he reaches for his tea cup. Wonshik doesn't miss it.
"What's going on, Hakyeon?"
Next to Wonshik, Hongbin stiffens, abruptly realising that the atmosphere has changed. He swallows his mouthful and pushes his chair back, saying, "I'll just -- nip over to the bathroom for a while. Must have been something I ate." He practically runs out of the dining room.
Hakyeon studiously doesn't meet Wonshik's eyes. His best friend reaches out to grasp his hand. "Tell me. What's happened?"
The best he can do is obfuscation, because even he can't face it head on. "You know, in your line of work, do you use robots a lot?"
Understanding lights in Wonshik's eyes. "We do. They do most of the things we can't, because they're built to be much more resistant to things like heat or extreme cold, whereas we aren't."
"And -- have you interacted with them much?"
"They mostly keep to themselves. Since they don't really need things like a lunch break. And when we go out to dinner with the other engineers afterwards, they usually opt to go into hibernation mode early. Hakyeon," he cuts in abruptly, "is this about Taekwoon?"
The helplessness on Hakyeon's face is all he needs.
"Are you falling for him?"
Hakyeon whispers, "He says he loves me." Which is not directly answering the question, but the other doesn't notice.
"Hakyeon-ah," Wonshik tries, as gently he can. "Taekwoon is a robot. He can't have feelings. It's just not possible."
Hakyeon knows this, of course. But it doesn't stop the fact that his heart is breaking.
~*~
Hongbin bumps into Hakyeon's bot on the way back from the bathroom.
"Ah -- Taekwoon!" Hongbin greets, remembering the name Hakyeon gave him. "Is it safe to go back now?"
There's an oddly removed expression on Taekwoon's face. "Yes. They seem to be done talking."
He peers around the corner to see Wonshik and Hakyeon wrapped up in each other's embrace. "Not again," he groans, spinning around again. "They always do this, you know? Something about having known each other since young."
He gives an awkward laugh, but Taekwoon is stiff.
An entirely ludicrous thought crosses Hongbin's mind. He hesitates, then asks, "Are you -- are you jealous?"
"He doesn't let me do this for him," Taekwoon says softly, eyes still fixed on the dining table.
"He doesn't let a lot of people do this for him," Hongbin says honestly. "Only Wonshik." Taekwoon's eyes flash and Hongbin backs up hurriedly. "Chill, dude -- what they have is entirely platonic. Or I would have gotten on Wonshik's case for it long ago."
Taekwoon crosses his arms and doesn't answer.
Hongbin stares at him, at a loss. How do you deal with a jealous robot? "Hakyeon -- Hakyeon is special," he tries. "He's been through a tough period -- "
"I know," Taekwoon says unexpectedly.
Flabbergasted, he asks, "He -- told you?"
"Sanghyuk told me." Taekwoon blows out an irritated breath. "Hakyeon doesn't tell me things like these."
"Hakyeon -- " Hongbin stops. "He doesn't share things like this easily. The only person he really trusts is Wonshik. And he's just come from a very bad break-up. I'm sure you can understand that he doesn't want to go through that again so soon."
"But I would never betray him. I love him." Taekwoon's eyes are earnest.
Hongbin sighs. Of all the things he expected to spend his Saturday evening doing, counselling Hakyeon's bot certainly wasn't on the list. "Taekwoon, I'm sure you think you love him -- "
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Taekwoon demands, frustrated. "I know how I feel about him."
Hongbin laughs, a choked sound. "If you've been telling Hakyeon things like this, it's no wonder he doesn't dare to trust himself with you."
"I -- "
"Hakyeon loses his heart really easily," he says bluntly. "He feels too much. There are people who can share their bodies or their emotions without losing themselves, but Hakyeon isn't one of them." He pauses. "He's afraid he'll lose his heart to you."
"Would that be so bad?" Taekwoon whispers. "I can take care of him for life."
"It would be, since he can never know for sure that you love him." He raises a stalling hand and Taekwoon falls silent, whatever arguments he was about to make fading away. "Hear me out. I'm in no place to tell you whether your feelings are true or not. But Hakyeon thinks of himself as so utterly unlovable that the only way someone can be with him is if they're obligated to."
Taekwoon shuts his eyes. Hongbin isn't sure if he's signalling that he's tired of listening or busy processing what he's been told, but he presses on anyway. There are things that need to be said, for Hakyeon's sake.
"I'm sure you can see that you being a robot -- someone he's bought to be with him, further someone who's been made according to his specifications -- it just muddies this up even more. He doesn't trust himself with you. He's only going to feel that he's forcing you into something you don't want. No matter how much you might want it."
What a mess. Hongbin's head hurts. Taekwoon's expression doesn't change, but the droop of his shoulders tells Hongbin that he got to him. How did he end up here playing the bad guy?
Taekwoon asks, "What should I do, then?"
~*~
It's dark when Hakyeon returns from work. Which is odd, because Taekwoon always has the light on and dinner waiting for him when he gets back.
"Taekwoon?" he calls, putting his briefcase on the floor and loosening his tie. "Are you in the bathroom?"
But the bathroom light is switched off. Nothing's on, in fact. Hakyeon would have suspected a black-out except that the lights come on easily with the flick on the switch -- revealing the breakfast dishes still in the sink.
Now that's really odd. Taekwoon has never gone out for so long before. If anything, his urge to make sure Hakyeon was watered and fed overrode any other tendencies he might have had.
"Taekwoon?" The door to Taekwoon's room is closed. Hakyeon pushes it open. There's a dark figure slumped by the side of the bed, slightly bent and unmoving. "There you are -- "
But he's unresponsive, parked in the corner like he's forgotten how to move.
And Hakyeon screams.
( or read on AO3 )