I should not be here now.
...I shouldn't, really. Twice over the last week I've felt like posting, opened the browser up and got distracted by work and ultimately deciding in favour of sleep. IT HAS BEEN KIND OF SURREAL, the past week. Rehearsals are fun, but not exactly productive; it feels like I've spent 3/4 of my waking hours thinking about production, even when I'm hovering on the edge of consciousness in my dad's car on the way to school in the morning. It's my last production, ever. It hasn't really hit me yet, and it probably won't, not until the week itself; right now is reserved for unadulterated panic over script/poster/ticket design/sets/costumes/directing/production work EVERY. SINGLE. THING. Life has kind of been put on hold.
To be quite frank, I have no idea how I'm going to submit my EE on Saturday. Or at least, I haven't exactly thought about it, even though I am reading up in between rehearsals and school on public transport (a kind of weary, awake exhaustion makes for surprisingly fast reading); somehow it feels like I just need to saturate my mind with information, and an essay will flow - which is how I work best, except my saturation period stretches across a month, even two, at the very least.
I don't think I've read fic for a week, maybe more. Oh wow I sound so depressed. Part of non-fic-reading is the utter, complete lack of time (I have been Doing. Production nigh constantly and it irks me how focus comes easily for me here, but not when I'm trying to study; thanks a lot, brain) and also because REHEARSALS GIVE ME ALL THE UST (ahem...) AND AWKWARD MOMENTS I NEED. I am surprised at how adorable my batchmates are as boys/girls in a relationship <3 Steff has been hit on by practically everyone in my batch, for one, and Tiffany is just going to get mobbed in JC. Can't wait.
I'm pretty sure my hormones are running rampant. On Thursday, I was at Plaza Singapura with Wei Qing before we went to the library and there was this group of boys outside BK and one of them was wearing a bright pink shirt and black skinny jeans and I was immediately - taken. Gosh I sound like a loser I should probably stop posting now. But no he was kind of attractive and Chinese and - yeah, I have a type, okay. I don't usually ... take note of boys on the streets. No, really.
(On my regular flist-stalking, I found out that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. That's - strange. The boy I am flist-stalking - GOSH I REALLY SOUND LIKE A FREAK I'm not flist-stalking him because he's a boy, okay! I'm flist-stalking him because he's prominent in bandom and he has the other prominent people on his flist as well plus his life reads practically like a fic as well, and gosh.)
- from marksykins
"She had a drink in hand all night," said the source, "and she and Ryan looked very friendly."
This is from the NY Daily News.
More importantly, this is about Mischa Barton and Ryan Ross.
My friends, I will never stop laughing at him and I never want to.
<3.
I wrote my Chinese essay on what was a recent, life-changing event on something Shirley Tan and Jalleh said during the feedback session on Wednesday. I embellished it somewhat (because to score well in Chinese, you need to write fluff. Tons and tons of it. And morals. Preferably something about filial piety.) but the sentiment was there - which reminds me, I need to email the class the feedback session minutes. Central Europe (especially Czech Republic) attracts me immensely (this is related, I promise) because the anti-Communist revolutions sound so romantic and intellectual. Czech Republic voted a philosopher-playwright-poet as their first non-Communist prime minister. In Hungary and Poland, the Communists were the ones who saw the need for reform first, and pushed them through their own party. The people had underground meetings and samizdats (self-published, uncensored underground revolutionary publications) and student-led protests, and - what Mrs. Tan was asking, why do fewer and fewer RGS girls take up PSC scholarships, why don't we stay in Singapore? This is my reason. The American Dream is the shiny lure that brings foreign workers over; my American Dream isn't very American, I don't think, but it has bands and philosophy and historical revolutions and ancient languages and snow and crisp green grass, and none of that is in Singapore.
For the first, acute time, though, I felt guilty. Jalleh asked us why we thought they had stayed on at RGS for years when there were so many lucrative options outside? It was because it was the best place to affect the future leaders of Singapore. Shirley Tan and Jalleh and some of the other upper management, at least, genuinely believe in that. It's not just something that the school unloads every important school function, not to them, at least. It is one thing to say that the school's only interested in publicity and honour, and yet another when you know that at least some teachers believe enough in its ... mission, whatever, to have made important life decisions based on that; Shirley Tan's long years of service makes more sense now, at least. I don' think the guilt is enough to keep me here, though.
In relation to something I posted a long, long time ago, I think giving up is the right option now. Not right, exactly, but - the only feasible one? Inevitable? Ashima says we should fight! And clear the air, but. I've been unable to fight with people lately, unable to be aggressive even though people have been unabashedly screwing with production with two weeks left, and I just really want to tell them off but somehow I am reluctant to? WHY. WHY. WHY IS MY AGGRESSION DESERTING ME IN MY TIME OF NEED. But like.
I CAN'T WATCH SUPERNATURAL UNTIL I FINISH MY EE.
To be quite frank, I have no idea how I'm going to submit my EE on Saturday. Or at least, I haven't exactly thought about it, even though I am reading up in between rehearsals and school on public transport (a kind of weary, awake exhaustion makes for surprisingly fast reading); somehow it feels like I just need to saturate my mind with information, and an essay will flow - which is how I work best, except my saturation period stretches across a month, even two, at the very least.
I don't think I've read fic for a week, maybe more. Oh wow I sound so depressed. Part of non-fic-reading is the utter, complete lack of time (I have been Doing. Production nigh constantly and it irks me how focus comes easily for me here, but not when I'm trying to study; thanks a lot, brain) and also because REHEARSALS GIVE ME ALL THE UST (ahem...) AND AWKWARD MOMENTS I NEED. I am surprised at how adorable my batchmates are as boys/girls in a relationship <3 Steff has been hit on by practically everyone in my batch, for one, and Tiffany is just going to get mobbed in JC. Can't wait.
I'm pretty sure my hormones are running rampant. On Thursday, I was at Plaza Singapura with Wei Qing before we went to the library and there was this group of boys outside BK and one of them was wearing a bright pink shirt and black skinny jeans and I was immediately - taken. Gosh I sound like a loser I should probably stop posting now. But no he was kind of attractive and Chinese and - yeah, I have a type, okay. I don't usually ... take note of boys on the streets. No, really.
(On my regular flist-stalking, I found out that Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. That's - strange. The boy I am flist-stalking - GOSH I REALLY SOUND LIKE A FREAK I'm not flist-stalking him because he's a boy, okay! I'm flist-stalking him because he's prominent in bandom and he has the other prominent people on his flist as well plus his life reads practically like a fic as well, and gosh.)
- from marksykins
"She had a drink in hand all night," said the source, "and she and Ryan looked very friendly."
This is from the NY Daily News.
More importantly, this is about Mischa Barton and Ryan Ross.
My friends, I will never stop laughing at him and I never want to.
<3.
I wrote my Chinese essay on what was a recent, life-changing event on something Shirley Tan and Jalleh said during the feedback session on Wednesday. I embellished it somewhat (because to score well in Chinese, you need to write fluff. Tons and tons of it. And morals. Preferably something about filial piety.) but the sentiment was there - which reminds me, I need to email the class the feedback session minutes. Central Europe (especially Czech Republic) attracts me immensely (this is related, I promise) because the anti-Communist revolutions sound so romantic and intellectual. Czech Republic voted a philosopher-playwright-poet as their first non-Communist prime minister. In Hungary and Poland, the Communists were the ones who saw the need for reform first, and pushed them through their own party. The people had underground meetings and samizdats (self-published, uncensored underground revolutionary publications) and student-led protests, and - what Mrs. Tan was asking, why do fewer and fewer RGS girls take up PSC scholarships, why don't we stay in Singapore? This is my reason. The American Dream is the shiny lure that brings foreign workers over; my American Dream isn't very American, I don't think, but it has bands and philosophy and historical revolutions and ancient languages and snow and crisp green grass, and none of that is in Singapore.
For the first, acute time, though, I felt guilty. Jalleh asked us why we thought they had stayed on at RGS for years when there were so many lucrative options outside? It was because it was the best place to affect the future leaders of Singapore. Shirley Tan and Jalleh and some of the other upper management, at least, genuinely believe in that. It's not just something that the school unloads every important school function, not to them, at least. It is one thing to say that the school's only interested in publicity and honour, and yet another when you know that at least some teachers believe enough in its ... mission, whatever, to have made important life decisions based on that; Shirley Tan's long years of service makes more sense now, at least. I don' think the guilt is enough to keep me here, though.
In relation to something I posted a long, long time ago, I think giving up is the right option now. Not right, exactly, but - the only feasible one? Inevitable? Ashima says we should fight! And clear the air, but. I've been unable to fight with people lately, unable to be aggressive even though people have been unabashedly screwing with production with two weeks left, and I just really want to tell them off but somehow I am reluctant to? WHY. WHY. WHY IS MY AGGRESSION DESERTING ME IN MY TIME OF NEED. But like.
I CAN'T WATCH SUPERNATURAL UNTIL I FINISH MY EE.