2003, you just had to have a few more laughs on me --;!
Damn you, 2003! You just had to be bitter even toward the very END of your life! I had a MISERABLE day yesterday --;! First, I was late for my biannual dental checkup by 15 minutes. Because I was late, I wasn't able to get my teeth entirely cleaned, so I had to re-schedule for another appointment in February. Later, I got into an argument with Mom who just decided to make me her punching bag yesterday after work for no reason at all ;_;! She made me feel lower than I have felt in a long time. I don't think I felt this bad about myself since I told my parents I almost tried to kill myself after that EVIL quantum professor berated me on my birthday. I couldn't take it, so I ran/drove away o-o.
This hasn't been my first attempt at running away. I tried walking away down the street when I was a kid once, but I only reached the end of the block before I turned back. All the other times I 'ran away' were when I was in graduate school. In both those instances, I 'ran away' to the department building, my second home, and spent (or tried) to spend the night there ;b! The first time, I spent the night in the department's sub-basement ladies room, which had an old lumpy sofa. The second time, I tried spending the night in the TA lounge, but I didn't want to get 'caught' there in the morning, so I went back to the sub-basement and another couch. The second though, Dad found me and dragged me home --;! Some idiot let Dad into the LOCKED department building where he found me in the sub-basement. I should have just stayed in the locked TA lounge ;P!
I tearily drove myself to Minnetonka and parked in front of Bylery's, a 24-hour upscale grocery store. I cried to myself in the car for about a half an hour before venturing out to try and cheer myself up by reading and looking over various food products lining Bylery's shelves. After meandering Bylery's aimlessly for an hour or so, I walked to the Barnes and Nobles next door. I think I spent a couple of hours in there leafing through Alex Ross' new large coffee-table superhero artbook. I knew Ross was amazing, but even his thumbnails are something to drool over o-o! I leafed through several more books and magazines before finally taking my leave around 10:00 p.m.. I next went to a nearby SuperTarget which was open until 11:00 p.m. and wandered around the holiday section, the CDs and DVDs, toys, housewares, food, etc. until near closing time. By this time though, almost nothing else was open except for all the 24-hour grocery stores, the gas stations, Kinko's ;P, and Perkins. I drove north to Maple Grove, home of our first ever Krispy Kreme to see if they were still open and had any HOT doughnuts/donuts. Instead, I found that Maple Grove had gone under a HUGE expansion of stores. A whole new village-like setting of big name stores and restaurants had just been completed in what was just an empty space the last time I went to Maple Grove several months back. After driving around the cute little town, I drove to the Maple Grove Bylery's to rest and maybe sleep for the night. It was difficult trying to go to sleep though in the car, especially if there are bunch of noisy people outside for some reason ;P. I decided to go wander around that Bylery's for another hour or so.
It was 11:45 p.m., and I didn't know where else I could go to hang out, other than the other 24-hour grocery stores. All I knew was that I really didn't want to go home, and I didn't know whom I could talk to. I just felt alone, and I was. I did think of going to the theatre to see a movie (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King since it was opening in a few minutes), but I was afraid of running into someone I knew ;_; and having to explain my puffy red eyes and face (plus I didn't have my earplugs O~O). On a whim, I steered the car onto 494 again and just drove. If I wanted to, I could have driven all the way to St. Cloud, Duluth, WI, etc. off of 494 (and 694) which circle the Twin Cities. Instead, I just drove and kept driving on 494 East until it became 494 South, then 694 South, 694 West, 694 North, 494 North, and back to 494 East. I made a complete circle around the Twin Cities via 494-694, passing through areas I've never been to in my life. At an average of 65 mph (the 494-694 circuit is a 60 mph zone, all highways within are 55 mph, and all highways beyond are 65 mph), it took me 1 hour and 10 minutes to complete the circuit. Along the way, I was always happy to see the more lighted and familiar areas in the circuit, including the airport and Megamall. The thought of buying a ticket and just flying off somewhere had crossed my mind as well ;P!
After finally completing my circle, I was weary and tired, and I thought of heading home, so I left 694 for 35W south toward home. As I was approaching my home suburb, I found myself hesitant to go home again. By the time I reached the house, I was in a shamble of tears again, and I just kept on driving again. I was extremely tired, so I went to our local Bylery's parking lot and wept again for another good half hour --;! I think I went through half a box of tissue in the process. After I calmed down again, I was still tired and still couldn't sleep in the car. I debated whether or not I should stay in a nearby motel, but I figured my parents, who think that all money, whether it's mine or my sister's, is THEIR money XP, would just gripe at me more about it. I decided to give up and just go home to sleep.
When I got home, Dad tried to comfort me, which by my standards is strange and NOT natural. When my sister and I were kids, whenever one of us cried, both our parents would just yell at us, go away, and come back to yell at us again. Depending on the situation, we were either left by ourselves to cry a little puddle or left with each other to console ourselves. Both our parents were brought up with the principle that showing 'weak' emotions like crying was intolerable. I think they were even beaten by my Grandparents/their parents for doing so --;! Instead of beating us ;b, since they didn't want us to go through that, they just constantly berated or yelled at us. Obviously, this isn't how you're supposed to deal with sad children either X( who end up with depression, like me, or a bit or resentment. Dad has been acting a little different and cautious toward me since my incident in graduate school and since he started up his own company and dealing with a bunch of employees, some of who have mental problems as well. Dad wasn't the problem though, and I still counldn't/didn't want to talk with Mom. I avoided them as much as I could and just went to bed. I didn't even go to work this morning since I was still feeling very down and depressed.
I'm feeling a little better, but I think it's just the candy and chocolate I scarfed down an hour ago doing the talking --;. I haven't eaten a real meal since 3:00 p.m. yesterday. I'm not sure about tomorrow/today either.
This hasn't been my first attempt at running away. I tried walking away down the street when I was a kid once, but I only reached the end of the block before I turned back. All the other times I 'ran away' were when I was in graduate school. In both those instances, I 'ran away' to the department building, my second home, and spent (or tried) to spend the night there ;b! The first time, I spent the night in the department's sub-basement ladies room, which had an old lumpy sofa. The second time, I tried spending the night in the TA lounge, but I didn't want to get 'caught' there in the morning, so I went back to the sub-basement and another couch. The second though, Dad found me and dragged me home --;! Some idiot let Dad into the LOCKED department building where he found me in the sub-basement. I should have just stayed in the locked TA lounge ;P!
I tearily drove myself to Minnetonka and parked in front of Bylery's, a 24-hour upscale grocery store. I cried to myself in the car for about a half an hour before venturing out to try and cheer myself up by reading and looking over various food products lining Bylery's shelves. After meandering Bylery's aimlessly for an hour or so, I walked to the Barnes and Nobles next door. I think I spent a couple of hours in there leafing through Alex Ross' new large coffee-table superhero artbook. I knew Ross was amazing, but even his thumbnails are something to drool over o-o! I leafed through several more books and magazines before finally taking my leave around 10:00 p.m.. I next went to a nearby SuperTarget which was open until 11:00 p.m. and wandered around the holiday section, the CDs and DVDs, toys, housewares, food, etc. until near closing time. By this time though, almost nothing else was open except for all the 24-hour grocery stores, the gas stations, Kinko's ;P, and Perkins. I drove north to Maple Grove, home of our first ever Krispy Kreme to see if they were still open and had any HOT doughnuts/donuts. Instead, I found that Maple Grove had gone under a HUGE expansion of stores. A whole new village-like setting of big name stores and restaurants had just been completed in what was just an empty space the last time I went to Maple Grove several months back. After driving around the cute little town, I drove to the Maple Grove Bylery's to rest and maybe sleep for the night. It was difficult trying to go to sleep though in the car, especially if there are bunch of noisy people outside for some reason ;P. I decided to go wander around that Bylery's for another hour or so.
It was 11:45 p.m., and I didn't know where else I could go to hang out, other than the other 24-hour grocery stores. All I knew was that I really didn't want to go home, and I didn't know whom I could talk to. I just felt alone, and I was. I did think of going to the theatre to see a movie (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King since it was opening in a few minutes), but I was afraid of running into someone I knew ;_; and having to explain my puffy red eyes and face (plus I didn't have my earplugs O~O). On a whim, I steered the car onto 494 again and just drove. If I wanted to, I could have driven all the way to St. Cloud, Duluth, WI, etc. off of 494 (and 694) which circle the Twin Cities. Instead, I just drove and kept driving on 494 East until it became 494 South, then 694 South, 694 West, 694 North, 494 North, and back to 494 East. I made a complete circle around the Twin Cities via 494-694, passing through areas I've never been to in my life. At an average of 65 mph (the 494-694 circuit is a 60 mph zone, all highways within are 55 mph, and all highways beyond are 65 mph), it took me 1 hour and 10 minutes to complete the circuit. Along the way, I was always happy to see the more lighted and familiar areas in the circuit, including the airport and Megamall. The thought of buying a ticket and just flying off somewhere had crossed my mind as well ;P!
After finally completing my circle, I was weary and tired, and I thought of heading home, so I left 694 for 35W south toward home. As I was approaching my home suburb, I found myself hesitant to go home again. By the time I reached the house, I was in a shamble of tears again, and I just kept on driving again. I was extremely tired, so I went to our local Bylery's parking lot and wept again for another good half hour --;! I think I went through half a box of tissue in the process. After I calmed down again, I was still tired and still couldn't sleep in the car. I debated whether or not I should stay in a nearby motel, but I figured my parents, who think that all money, whether it's mine or my sister's, is THEIR money XP, would just gripe at me more about it. I decided to give up and just go home to sleep.
When I got home, Dad tried to comfort me, which by my standards is strange and NOT natural. When my sister and I were kids, whenever one of us cried, both our parents would just yell at us, go away, and come back to yell at us again. Depending on the situation, we were either left by ourselves to cry a little puddle or left with each other to console ourselves. Both our parents were brought up with the principle that showing 'weak' emotions like crying was intolerable. I think they were even beaten by my Grandparents/their parents for doing so --;! Instead of beating us ;b, since they didn't want us to go through that, they just constantly berated or yelled at us. Obviously, this isn't how you're supposed to deal with sad children either X( who end up with depression, like me, or a bit or resentment. Dad has been acting a little different and cautious toward me since my incident in graduate school and since he started up his own company and dealing with a bunch of employees, some of who have mental problems as well. Dad wasn't the problem though, and I still counldn't/didn't want to talk with Mom. I avoided them as much as I could and just went to bed. I didn't even go to work this morning since I was still feeling very down and depressed.
I'm feeling a little better, but I think it's just the candy and chocolate I scarfed down an hour ago doing the talking --;. I haven't eaten a real meal since 3:00 p.m. yesterday. I'm not sure about tomorrow/today either.