(no subject)
It's time to find out what Rachel Kish is all about. Nothing in my life is where it should be, and I think I've been using some really good spots and some really busy spots to cover that up for a while now. Hopefully I can figure out a way to do what needs to get done as far as supporting myself, as well as what needs to get done as far as making me a happy person. My basic instinct is to crawl into a hole and be a depressed bum for a while, but now I feel like this is as far as I can let myself sink without losing too much.
Fact is, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do and I want to run. But I still know that doing nothing is going to be way more detrimental than just going for it.
I babysat at the Penick house last night and while I was waiting for Aajay to come pick me up, had a little conversation with Penick which happened to touch on what he used to teach at the beginning of every class, The Matrix blue pill or red pill, and "Try Not, Do or Do Not." Really good advice. The conversation was really inconsequential, but when I heard him say those things, I knew it had come up for a reason, because I really needed to be reminded of it. That is why Penick has always been my hero. And I left the house beaming because of that reminder, because he has always been able to see more potential in me than I can see in myself and push me to go for things that I'm afraid to go for. Even though that's less his role now than it was in 10th grade when he wanted me to go to GHP, he's still doing it now without even knowing it.
So I think just getting through all this, "unclouding my vision," and making a plan is the way to go. I already have a basic plan of action, so even though I'm scared, I know which way to start out.
Fact is, I'm terrified. I don't know what to do and I want to run. But I still know that doing nothing is going to be way more detrimental than just going for it.
I babysat at the Penick house last night and while I was waiting for Aajay to come pick me up, had a little conversation with Penick which happened to touch on what he used to teach at the beginning of every class, The Matrix blue pill or red pill, and "Try Not, Do or Do Not." Really good advice. The conversation was really inconsequential, but when I heard him say those things, I knew it had come up for a reason, because I really needed to be reminded of it. That is why Penick has always been my hero. And I left the house beaming because of that reminder, because he has always been able to see more potential in me than I can see in myself and push me to go for things that I'm afraid to go for. Even though that's less his role now than it was in 10th grade when he wanted me to go to GHP, he's still doing it now without even knowing it.
So I think just getting through all this, "unclouding my vision," and making a plan is the way to go. I already have a basic plan of action, so even though I'm scared, I know which way to start out.