Friday the Thirteenth, oh what a day

[skylos]

I had gotten to getting some work done at work, finally (having gotten a series of dependencies resolved) rocking out to my pandora mix when I saw my phone which I had put on the desk in front of my monitor flash, and display ringing. My mate was calling.

I pulled off the headphones to get told that we need to get a new dog walker, he's not walking

Comments

[skylos]

Walking the dogs at 10 AM when the last time they were out at all was 5PM or earlier is not acceptable for any dog short of a significant emergency, it smacks of neglect and you should know better, to at least take the dogs out to pee before bed and first thing in the morning, it doesn't have to be a full walk. I hadn't discussed the detail of this with you because I mistakenly trusted that this would be as obvious to you as to me as somebody who loves dogs, and in that it is my fault for placing trust unwisely.

Regarding your problems with various medical problems, I'm not your doctor nor as you point out, can I afford extensive medical care. However, being an adult this is something *you* need to take care of and deal with - doing absolutely nothing and suffering merely because you don't have access to the modern typical professionally delivered medical answer to the problem not only tortures you, it also impacts the people around you. Information is free on the internet and you learn about things and learn to do what you can - that is how you help yourself. Sitting around and suffering as a victim only hurts you and others. Its your choice to hurt your life by doing that, but its not kind at all to allow it into a life you share with other people as it will unavoidably impact them too.

Regardless of what problems you are having, the adult thing to do is to fulfill the responsibilities you have signed up for regardless. You drive as well as you can, you deal with pain, you sleep when you might not be so inclined so that you're able to fulfill, you answer politely with something that fulfills the situation, you put your responsibilities ahead of entertainment and comfort and convenience. If doing that requires some treatment of a medical issue, the person who is responsible to find an at least partially effective treatment is solely you.

Dhugal mentioned not a word about failing to walk the dogs previous to the phone call you overheard, your 'realization' is entirely fantastical. The only reason I had said anything was that it seemed as if you might be distracted by games and sleep schedule from taking the dogs out at an appropriate time. I expected the dogs to have gone out already, you were making no sign of doing so in the immediate context (sleeping or gaming) I'm going to say something. I shouldn't have assumed that my statements alone would be understood as a directive to take the dogs out earlier consistently.

Dhugal acted in an emotional manner which has been elaborated in his typical dregs and pieces format over the ensuing time to have included a good bit of resentment based on failure to communicate about various things which lets things build up. There's no excuse for that, but it is what it is and its been a problem before and likely will be again before its resolved. As you noticed, I'm not one who believes that every problem needs a medico to solve it, people can change themselves if they want to, and learn enough about their own problems to at least partially treat them all on their own. Getting along with people is not always easy; and I did warn you at the beginning that failure to get along with Dhugal is fatal in this position. You also both agreed verbally to talk to each other about these things so that is a failure on both your parts. Its a failure on my part for not consistently attempting to facilitate communication too.

I don't know how long you were aware that you needed to adjust what you were doing, but your failure to do so is a failure of the worst sort - the time delay between realizing you should and doing it is properly the same as the time between feeling an itch and reaching to scratch it - No delay is appropriate.

In the end, I'm just annoyed by the whole thing. Dhugal tells me he feels bad about his failures causing me to lose a dog walker too.

[chibiabos]

Many dogs I've walked regularly before had no problem with more than 12 hours between walks. There are a number of issues regarding how you were handling the dogs that I had issue with, but however strong my feeling, beyond an initial question like why the dogs were left to run astray at your mother's, for instance, when there had already been issues with them going over to the neighbors you/your mother were not on good terms with ... I feel a bullet was dodged there, as my sister's insistence her dogs didn't need to be contained led to her dogs killing someone's chickens and getting euthanized.

I never neglected to walk the dogs, and when they obviously needed to go out even when the time wasn't convenient for me -- Banshee and Akando each, on separate nights, had to go after midnight because their tummies were upset over something -- but I know from how, perhaps overly so, protective I had been of Covy how futile it is to discuss something with the dog's owner.

A lot of mumbo jumbo "remedies" have been suggested to me over the years and I've spent time and resources I have few to spare trying them only to not work. The only remedy that's had a real measure of success in treating my migraine, depression or anxiety was medication. I've tried spirituality and the overly suggested "think yourself out, just pretend to be happy and you will be" b.s. There are people who turn to religion and manage to content themselves with that, but that particular example actually made my depression worse.

In regards to your "bare skin to the sun" stuff, I thought I remembered you mentioning this previously and I had replied to you my experience in sun exposure just this past summer ... I incurred a sunburn so deep, after just a few hours out in the sun, that it took two weeks before I could lay on my back ... besides which my primary problem with psoriasis in the weather has been my legs. It feels very much like a very bad sunburn, making it painful to move joints. I need to be in with a dermatologist for real solutions, but that's just not attainable without regular access to health care.

Its nice that Dhugal says he feels bad to you, but of course that doesn't equate to him saying "I made a mistake, I rescind my banishment to you" to me. Not that it matters, but I regret pushing him ... I should ahve just gone outside, maybe taken the dogs on an extra walk since I felt trapped but I panicked and didn't respond appropriately to his intimidation and aggression ... not that I know whether there is such a thing as a proper response.

[skylos]

You have unlimited time and information. What you can do with that can be quite considerable, if you actually use it to learn and practice, whether that is about your health, or about your career. The only person at fault for not using that time to improve yourself it is you. I don't research dermatology and migraine science, techniques, herbology, and such because its not important to me. Why this is not important enough to you to spend every spare minute on mystifies me.

With logic like that about sun, the fact that somebody can be hurt by an overdose on a drug means the drug should never be researched or used. A minute of sun. Five minutes. We're not talking hours, for fucks sake.

Learn what dermatologists know, and even if you can't get prescription medicines, you will learn of things you CAN do, like using over the counter meds that have some of the same effects, and how to measure, combine, and handle them. Information sets you free. This information is not secret and can be learned, just like a dermatologist does.

Your setting of your priorities that gaming is more important than finding solutions to your health and career issues just blows my mind. If I ran my life that way, I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I am, I assure you.

There is a always proper response - one that follows the priorities of what you believe to be the most important. If staying here with us was most important, you did not behave to that priority, you did not behave properly.