Ummm
I keep getting asked the same question: "are you excited?" I feel like I don't understand this question - but at the same time I feel like there is an expectation that my answer will be yes and that if I say something other than yes it's the wrong answer. Maybe its how I define excited; I was excited to see my friend Anne, I was excited to win an art contest. I'm not particularly depressed or unhappy about being pregnant or a parent, but these feelings are not the antonym of 'excited.' I generally feel indifferent, like while I'm working, I'm concentrating on work. Same for when I'm doing crafts or hobbies or housework, I'm just being me which doesn't have a particular emotion. I've in general felt content during the process - Jason seems happy everyday and I feel don't feel stressed out, so I think content is a good description of how I feel. I was a fairly content person before being pregnant too though. If I start thinking about being pregnant too hard then I start to feel scared, about the actual being in a hospital and pushing a baby out part. My fear of hospitals, my crippleing fear of needles and syringes, and my so-afraid-I-will-pass-out fear of blood makes everything about that situtation pretty overpowering. But over the years, I've trained myself not to focus on negatives that I can't change, and not to dwell on things (which I'm mostly good at), so I just don't think about that part if I can avoid it. It'll probably be harder to avoid later. But for right now, I just feel content, I just feel like me.