A long long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile.....
*sigh*
So many things have changed now, beit that I rarely update my journal, or that some friends who I've seen consistantly act like strangers to me......just a thought is all.....
Well, my junior year is OVER, and I am now a rising Senior! WOOPIEnot! I'm not grasping onto my high school years, nor will I feel much nostalgia for them; I'm just not ready to leave the nest! I want to lift off to fulfill my dreams and like the lyrics of the song Another White Dash, "There is something exciting about leaving everything behind", but I'm just scared of the reality of it all.....My statistics teacher told me that the "reach for the stars" phrase is all crap and to go for the money, which I can understand without being fickle. Still, I WANT to reach for the stars, and I WANT to live a passionate life, because it's been embeded in my complicated head since the age of only-God-knows-what. And considering the career I want to get into -which i have also wanted to get into since only-God-knows-what- chance is 90 percent of it. Not everyone will love what I make, and many times I will have some sort of giant block, but I'm trying to stick to my guns and live! Now that I realize that I'm sounding vague all I'm really trying to say is:
I'm finally realizing that everything I do must be important. If I don't start picking up my own shit, I'm gonna be surrounded by it, and if I wait for everything to happen, I'll be stuck in square one.
Now that doesn't sound any less vague! Moving on.....
I'm positive my skin had become thicker since my freshman year, but I still hide behind my hands...I think there are so many contributors to my wavering confidence. The asses who say "ummmmmm-no" when your jokes aren't always funny (which IS funny because those asses aren't half as clever as they try to be; in fact what they find funny can be unbelievably lame at times), the random bitches who dilberately cut you down without a reason or motive, the vain people who will never let a day go by where they look like shit just to rub it in my face that I'd rather get more sleep than spend precious time in front of the mirror, the wannabes who would rather uphold their stereotype by hanging out with other posers like them instead of the genuine friends who can actually keep up an interesting conversaion (not about that cute guy from My Space that you saw at some show.....sure it can be cute for a good few seconds but then it turns into shit if you don't change the subject), and I can just go on and on. I let people who are tools and dumbfucks mess with my head, and it's my own fault :o< I would like to say, "I'll start anew", but I'll still feel like that same kid somehow. What I need to remember is those people are the shit under my shoes and with a simple swipe against the floor I can leave them behind. Am I gonna know them 10 years from now, or am I even remember their last name? Not really.....
I saw birthmark birtha at the university the other day.....It's funny how she can be a total bitch one minute and ok later on. She's a fucking yoyo. Anyhow, she looked offended when I asked her if she was going to UTEP (which she was), instead of some other college she was going to in Texas. I couldn't give any less of a shit what she does, and I see nothing wrong with UTEP; I just don't want to go there because they don't have a lot to offer for me. Anyway I feel that it is so uplifting that her and a lot of other seniors that I loathed are gone! There are still some boogers sticking around, but hopefully I can flick them off.....
AHHHH I MUST STOP WRITING!
goodbye
So many things have changed now, beit that I rarely update my journal, or that some friends who I've seen consistantly act like strangers to me......just a thought is all.....
Well, my junior year is OVER, and I am now a rising Senior! WOOPIEnot! I'm not grasping onto my high school years, nor will I feel much nostalgia for them; I'm just not ready to leave the nest! I want to lift off to fulfill my dreams and like the lyrics of the song Another White Dash, "There is something exciting about leaving everything behind", but I'm just scared of the reality of it all.....My statistics teacher told me that the "reach for the stars" phrase is all crap and to go for the money, which I can understand without being fickle. Still, I WANT to reach for the stars, and I WANT to live a passionate life, because it's been embeded in my complicated head since the age of only-God-knows-what. And considering the career I want to get into -which i have also wanted to get into since only-God-knows-what- chance is 90 percent of it. Not everyone will love what I make, and many times I will have some sort of giant block, but I'm trying to stick to my guns and live! Now that I realize that I'm sounding vague all I'm really trying to say is:
I'm finally realizing that everything I do must be important. If I don't start picking up my own shit, I'm gonna be surrounded by it, and if I wait for everything to happen, I'll be stuck in square one.
Now that doesn't sound any less vague! Moving on.....
I'm positive my skin had become thicker since my freshman year, but I still hide behind my hands...I think there are so many contributors to my wavering confidence. The asses who say "ummmmmm-no" when your jokes aren't always funny (which IS funny because those asses aren't half as clever as they try to be; in fact what they find funny can be unbelievably lame at times), the random bitches who dilberately cut you down without a reason or motive, the vain people who will never let a day go by where they look like shit just to rub it in my face that I'd rather get more sleep than spend precious time in front of the mirror, the wannabes who would rather uphold their stereotype by hanging out with other posers like them instead of the genuine friends who can actually keep up an interesting conversaion (not about that cute guy from My Space that you saw at some show.....sure it can be cute for a good few seconds but then it turns into shit if you don't change the subject), and I can just go on and on. I let people who are tools and dumbfucks mess with my head, and it's my own fault :o< I would like to say, "I'll start anew", but I'll still feel like that same kid somehow. What I need to remember is those people are the shit under my shoes and with a simple swipe against the floor I can leave them behind. Am I gonna know them 10 years from now, or am I even remember their last name? Not really.....
I saw birthmark birtha at the university the other day.....It's funny how she can be a total bitch one minute and ok later on. She's a fucking yoyo. Anyhow, she looked offended when I asked her if she was going to UTEP (which she was), instead of some other college she was going to in Texas. I couldn't give any less of a shit what she does, and I see nothing wrong with UTEP; I just don't want to go there because they don't have a lot to offer for me. Anyway I feel that it is so uplifting that her and a lot of other seniors that I loathed are gone! There are still some boogers sticking around, but hopefully I can flick them off.....
AHHHH I MUST STOP WRITING!
goodbye