7 years.
Not that anyone is really counting here. It's at least that, maybe more. There are so many why's...so many unanswered questions. Questions that we've been through 100 times before, questions where I will never find a satisfactory answer. You have seen the absolute worst of me, and yet you have been there through each up and down. I don't understand why and I don't think I ever will. And while I would love to have those answers, I have a feeling that you're not going anywhere so I don't need to be desperate for them. Although maybe I'm wrong, maybe this time is it, and we're done and over...no more friendship, no more flirting, no more me being psycho and crazy on you, no more nothing. And if that's the case, then I guess I'll never understand why for that one either, except that it must be our time for it. I guess it comes down to that fact that I just have no idea anymore about anything with you. I want you to know that I wonder if the reason you're here after all these years is more than my boredom and your familiarity. A big part of me wants to take a chance and do something, anything to get out of our cycle. Anything will be better than this, although I like this to. I guess anything is good, even if it's nothing. I would like a crystal ball to tell me when and if this is going to be done, to tell me anything really. But that's not how things work, so I'm just going to give this all the time I have right now...which is a lot. If I'm not too late, maybe you're not either and maybe our worlds could turn upside down and get stuck together. So if this wasn't enough, I don't know, but I do know that I forgive you for everything I've hated you for and I want to break the cycle. Care to participate in that? Because I sure as hell can't do it myself...we both know I'm not strong enough to change it in any direction but maybe, and just maybe, I would love to wake up everyday for the rest of my life next to you. Or maybe I've officially and completely lost my mind. <3