A real post and stuff thats on my mind
You deserve
: eye contact
: smiles in the morning
: food made with pure intention
: clean drinking water, fresh air
: Hello, Please, Thank you.
: time to think about it
: a chance to show them what you're made of
: a second chance
: an education
: health care, including dental
: multiple orgasms
: weekends and the summer off
: 8 hours of sleep
: play before work
: to change your mind
: to say no
: to say yes
: to have your deepest needs met
: to be seen
: to be loved for what is seen.
Today I went back to work. My intention was to be positive and to not let the stress get to me. I am trying to focus my intention on staying in the moment more. My boss noted at some point that I seemed "really animated, like I had had 15 cups of coffee." I took a minute to think about that, to you know, check in with myself...and I didn't feel as if I was behaving in any sort of manic or pressured way. And thats the thing...my boss makes all these observations all the time about how I seem. Normally this would be OK, but I think she is referring to my bipolar. I think she points these things out to me because she thinks I do not know when I am experiencing some sort of effect from my illness. And she does not seem to trust that I know myself and will let her know if and when I feel as if I am on overload and some sort of episode is coming on. I need to address this with her. She is not my therapist, and I am not comfortable justifying whatever she percieves my mood to be at any given time. I do my job to the best of my ability and thats all I need to discuss with her. Half the time I feel as if I am busy explaining my normal ups and downs to the people in my life. Its tiring and icky.
So many things.
Its started snowing a little while ago. We are supposed to be hit with a big blizzard here in Rhode Island. Probably no work tomorrow, although I did bring a lot of work home with me.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how there are not too many people who really "get" me. Most people do not care about the BIG things that matter to me. I'm not sure if this is important, but I do think I need to find more people who do. Things like my politics, and my spirituality are the biggest topics on the list. I sometimes feel quite isolated reguarding those things.
I have a lot of things that I would like to accomplish this year for myself. Things that I have let slide for other things way too long. It is time now to get my priorities in order. It is time to seek out the people in my tribe. They must be out there somewhere.
Tomorrow these things need to be accomplished:
work stuff
take pictures of snow
take down the tree
clean off the monumental mess on my art table and get organized over there
be grateful for the abundance in my life
pack up things that need to be mailed to PA
plan a new shrine for Greta
Email Zeke
cook something yummy for dinner
My psych RN cancelled my appointment for tomorrow and resheduled it for Friday so thats all set, and I see my therapist in Thursday and have a ton to discuss there. Sometimes Sharon is the best place for me to articulate these thoughts in my head because she is an active listener, who wants only to help. Its a huge bonus that she does not make me feel jugded in any way and she can remain objective. She is the only person who hears everything. I am very grateful to have a good working relationship with her.
Oh, and these are the things that I did on vacation (at least the Florida portion of the program):
Saturday 1/1 Fea Market
Sunday 1/2 Florida Holocast Museum
Monday 1/3 Sunken Gardens Botanical Center
Tuesday 1/4 St. Petersburg Pier and The Suncoast Seabird Sanctuary
Wednesday 1/5 Sanabel Island
Thursday 1/6 Day of rest and relaxation. Also drive to Clearwater.
Friday 1/7 The University of Sounthern Florida Botanical Gardens
It was a great trip. I think the highlights for me were Sanibel Island, and the Sea Bird Sanctuary.
And these are a few of the shells I collected:
And an awesome sunset:
And with that, I wish you good night.