You're a Jerk
YOU'RE A JERK;; R
(don't judge me! this is totally based off of this so technically it's borderline reality ok!!! lol i know, i know)
Hani's number falling in his lap is something of a surprise. He can't quite pinpoint the exact moment it happens, supposing it happens in between the bustling of everyone saying goodbye and formal bows after the radio show, but something curls into his right fist without permission and falls into his lap on the car ride back home.
His phone buzzes when he's taking a look at the sloppy penmanship over and over again, not sure what to make of it.
- So did you?
- Who is this?
Hoya texts back, then takes a slow moment to register that the number crumpled in his hand is the same number illuminating his phone up.
- Check the note.
- Did I do what?
- You know.
- No?
Hoya waits for a response. It takes a second longer than the other ones and the rickety van almost lurches his phone on to the ground going over a pothole. He has quick reflexes though, and he cradles it back into safety, piquing Dongwoo's interest from the other seat.
- Did you jack off to my fancam?
- NO.
- Six times. You said watched it six times. Did you jerk off to me six times? Eyes closed?
- NO.
Hoya types the N, then the O, quickly and furiously. He tries to think of something clever to say, something to nip this all in the bud, but his thoughts are fleeing, temporarily replaced with offensiveness and fury.
- It's okay. Everyone's done it. To my video, I mean.
- It was supposed to be a compliment.
- I'm flattered, sunbae. Hope I filled all your needs.
- I didn't!!!
Hani never texts back. Hoya waits and waits, staring at his phone in a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. When he finally gives up hope for a response back and looks up, Dongwoo is flashing his entire set of teeth in Hoya's direction, clearly having read every word of the exchange.
"So you did do it, didn't you, you sly fox. Are you going to watch it before you sleep tonight?"
"Fuck you."
It's inevitable that they will see each other in person again and Hoya's trying to fix his hair coif backstage when it happens, holding up a measly excuse of a hand mirror when his phone buzzes with familiarity.
- Look up.
Hoya literally looks up at the ceiling where nothing but popcorn stucco stares back at him. His phone buzzes again.
- Very funny. Does the mirror help you? You know, jerk off and watch yourself when you do?
It's totally appropriate when a flurry of five familiar girls walk his way with polite, respectable bows and congratulations on his hard work for whatever that week. The one the farthest behind looks at him in glimpses between the other girls' figures, the sleight of an eyebrow, the flash of a perpetrating phone, a gleam of a wicked grin.
"Oh, Hoya sunbae," she finally tries to get his attention after he cracks a badly timed joke to LE and Solji. "I was wondering if you could give me some pointers on stage presence."
She stares at him from the distance with her big sorrowful eyes, hidden by obtrusive bangs. He shifts uncomfortably, banging the mirror accidentally against his seat, looking at the other girls who have the expectation that he'll say yes.
"Sure, Hani." he has no choice in agreeing, and the other girls giggle at his easy submission before scattering in the other direction. He looks around the corner to make sure the other girls are out of earshot.
"You don't need my help in singing, I take it. And as far as rapping goes, you've got LE in your group," Hoya feigns a yawn, almost knocking the mirror in Hani's face with his outstretched arms. "I'm a busy sunbae."
"I'll bet," she smiles, looking at him from head to toe with satisfaction and disgust. "Thanks for the newest increase in my views, by the way."
And then she walks off, legs disappearing down the hallway as if she's sauntering down a catwalk. Hoya looks at his reflection in the mirror with distaste spewing inside his mouth.
Dongwoo has always had a twisted sense of humor so it shouldn't shock Hoya much when Hani's standing there at the front of their rehearsal space with Dongwoo's happy arm around her shoulder, guiding her in Hoya's direction.
"Surprise, Hodong! Hani heard through the rumor mill that we were going to cover Exid's song for our concert so she graciously volunteered to help us learn the dance moves!"
Dongwoo pushes Hani towards Hoya in excitement and Hoya cocks an eyebrow at both of them.
"No."
"You sound as bitter as you do in your texts," Hani says and then flashes a smile at Hoya when he scowls back, "sunbae."
"Come on now, let's get along! Let bygones be bygones, awkward mentions of masturbation stay buried in the past." Dongwoo steps in the middle of the two, engaging them in a circle of friendship with his arms over their shoulders.
"Now, I would partake but I'm a gifted dancer as is, so I don't need the help. So good luck!" he says, sprinting out of the practice room quicker than either of them can acknowledge, locking the door behind him and holding the shiny, glimmering, silver key up on the other side of the clear door so that they can see it. He kisses the key and then disappears into the unknown.
"I knew that was going to happen," Hani says.
"Yeah, he's like that." Hoya rolls his eyes and then crosses his arms and stares at Hani for a moment. She looks sort of hot, all dressed down in casual sweats, hair tied in a sloppy bun, eager and ready to go. He uncrosses his arms, then shuffles over to the disc player like a good sport.
"All right, let's do this."
"Do-?" Hani says slowly, not following as Hoya sways his hair along to the beginning strums of the song, resembling a bobble-head. "Wait, you didn't actually think I came here under the pretense of really rehearsing did you? Oh god, you did."
There's a very tiny, microscopic glimmer of a blush staining her cheeks, but it's gone almost as fast as she reverses the situation of stupidity on him.
"Dongwoo made it seem like you knew. Oh, you poor thing."
Hoya stops the bobble-head movements, looking at Hani in confusion, not liking the slight condescension in her tone.
"Knew what?"
"I didn't come here for rehearsals. I came here to show you the real thing. Make it easier?"
"What easier?"
"You know!"
"No?"
"Don't worry, I can talk you through it. Watch first."
Hoya stands by the disc player, perplexed at whatever Hani was trying to tell him but not say. The music shifts to the second chorus line and suddenly she's dancing like an expert in front of him, curves swaying to the beat, hips jutting in obscene fashion just like the original choreography permits. She shakes her hair a little, undoing the bun until her hair falls around her framing her face romantically. She dances and dances, formulating her gaze to look just like the one she displayed in the infamous video. Hoya gets lost in the song and in the moves and somewhere in between the polite clapping along and the desire to follow along in steps, his mouth tenses and his lips fall dry.
The song automatically starts on repeat, and Hani approaches him, cornering Hoya into the mirrored walls, the intoxicating rap of LE reverberating in their ears and echoing throughout the room.
"You're such a monster," the song says first and she repeats seductively, and then her hands wander in anticipation to the hem of his pants.
"No," Hoya tries his favorite word again in a feeble attempt but he doesn't bother to say it twice, unable to resist the joy of a girl, this girl, Hani, dipping her index fingers around the waistline of his boxers and then grabbing onto his clothed erection. He gets hard way too fast but he's past the point of embarrassment and she's smiling at him, marveling at the weight of his crotch and the feel of his cock in her hand.
"So did you?" she squeezes him mercilessly through his jeans, hoping to illicit some sort of reaction and Hoya feels like he's going to explode. He doesn't answer back, hardly can as she continues to squeeze him tight, then unzips his jeans without his approval, her bare hands immediately burning him into a fervor. She lets her hands go for a second, and Hoya instantly feels cold before the press of her fingers scrape around his inner thighs, curious and with tease.
"Please," he finally begs feeling himself getting heavy at her touch, wanting nothing more to unload himself and just deal with the consequences later. Hani steps in closer until there is nothing such as proximity between them, burying her head into the nape of his neck for support as she moves her hands up his thighs and then caresses his balls with both hands, underneath his visible radar. Hoya closes his eyes then opens them, feeling Hani curl her palm around his dick once more and he starts to grind a little against her hold, unable to help himself. He jerks forward, and then thrusts into her hand with more force, almost catapulting them from their slumped stature against the mirrored wall.
Hoya's eyes hood themselves in ecstasy, glossing over as his body pulsates, falling over into an angsty, panting tremor.
"Six times, huh?" she inhales deeply in the crevice of his thick neck, the scent of perfume and sweat taking Hoya into overdrive. She coaxes his rocking in to a steady rhythm, pumping him furiously but with purpose and Hoya grunts when she digs her fingernails on the backside of his balls. She cranes herself into a position where she can lick his jaw while simultaneously stroking her thumb against the base of his cock and with one final long tug, he's done for, coming all over her hands and his stomach, splatters of his come spilling past his underwear and into his rumpled jeans.
"Fuck," is all he manages to say, his throat in desperate need of thirst when she unwraps herself from him. She doesn't help Hoya clean himself up, only taking care of zipping his pants back up for him, licking whatever of his mess landed on her hands. She looks at him when she finishes sucking on her last finger and Hoya feels himself getting half hard again underneath his soiled boxers.
"So? How was that?" she taps her feet waiting for an answer that Hoya is not prepared to give. He glances around the room for something to clean himself with and something to help his parched throat. Water.
When he catches her expecting posture, he feels himself getting dizzy with cockiness. And then he swallows his pride with nonchalance, pulling his arms around his head and back against the mirror so that Hani can see every definition of his bicep muscles. He smirks in her general direction, ignoring the throbbing sensation in his body when he notices a flick of his come at the corner of her mouth.
"Not bad. You pass I guess."
"Uh...thanks."
- Seven
- That only makes it once.
The van is being faulty and jumpy after a sudden rainfall and Hoya feels his blood coagulate, unsure of whether it's coming from the shoddy tires or the new illuminations of his phone after a few weeks pass.
- Lucky number seven
- ONE.
- 7
- We could do this all day. What's your point Hani?
- Want to go for eight?
- What happens at eight?
- Oh you know, some up. Some down.
- Okay.
- Leggo.
Hoya looks up and Dongwoo's blindingly white smile embraces him. Dongwoo gives him a punch on the shoulder and Hoya attempts to deflect his vision, turning his body so that he's sitting perpendicular to the van of the door, away from Dongwoo and his persecuting eyes. But Hoya finds himself smiling back despite himself. He texts back again, index fingers pressing in delight.
- It's still going to be only two, by the way.
(don't judge me! this is totally based off of this so technically it's borderline reality ok!!! lol i know, i know)
Hani's number falling in his lap is something of a surprise. He can't quite pinpoint the exact moment it happens, supposing it happens in between the bustling of everyone saying goodbye and formal bows after the radio show, but something curls into his right fist without permission and falls into his lap on the car ride back home.
His phone buzzes when he's taking a look at the sloppy penmanship over and over again, not sure what to make of it.
- So did you?
- Who is this?
Hoya texts back, then takes a slow moment to register that the number crumpled in his hand is the same number illuminating his phone up.
- Check the note.
- Did I do what?
- You know.
- No?
Hoya waits for a response. It takes a second longer than the other ones and the rickety van almost lurches his phone on to the ground going over a pothole. He has quick reflexes though, and he cradles it back into safety, piquing Dongwoo's interest from the other seat.
- Did you jack off to my fancam?
- NO.
- Six times. You said watched it six times. Did you jerk off to me six times? Eyes closed?
- NO.
Hoya types the N, then the O, quickly and furiously. He tries to think of something clever to say, something to nip this all in the bud, but his thoughts are fleeing, temporarily replaced with offensiveness and fury.
- It's okay. Everyone's done it. To my video, I mean.
- It was supposed to be a compliment.
- I'm flattered, sunbae. Hope I filled all your needs.
- I didn't!!!
Hani never texts back. Hoya waits and waits, staring at his phone in a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. When he finally gives up hope for a response back and looks up, Dongwoo is flashing his entire set of teeth in Hoya's direction, clearly having read every word of the exchange.
"So you did do it, didn't you, you sly fox. Are you going to watch it before you sleep tonight?"
"Fuck you."
It's inevitable that they will see each other in person again and Hoya's trying to fix his hair coif backstage when it happens, holding up a measly excuse of a hand mirror when his phone buzzes with familiarity.
- Look up.
Hoya literally looks up at the ceiling where nothing but popcorn stucco stares back at him. His phone buzzes again.
- Very funny. Does the mirror help you? You know, jerk off and watch yourself when you do?
It's totally appropriate when a flurry of five familiar girls walk his way with polite, respectable bows and congratulations on his hard work for whatever that week. The one the farthest behind looks at him in glimpses between the other girls' figures, the sleight of an eyebrow, the flash of a perpetrating phone, a gleam of a wicked grin.
"Oh, Hoya sunbae," she finally tries to get his attention after he cracks a badly timed joke to LE and Solji. "I was wondering if you could give me some pointers on stage presence."
She stares at him from the distance with her big sorrowful eyes, hidden by obtrusive bangs. He shifts uncomfortably, banging the mirror accidentally against his seat, looking at the other girls who have the expectation that he'll say yes.
"Sure, Hani." he has no choice in agreeing, and the other girls giggle at his easy submission before scattering in the other direction. He looks around the corner to make sure the other girls are out of earshot.
"You don't need my help in singing, I take it. And as far as rapping goes, you've got LE in your group," Hoya feigns a yawn, almost knocking the mirror in Hani's face with his outstretched arms. "I'm a busy sunbae."
"I'll bet," she smiles, looking at him from head to toe with satisfaction and disgust. "Thanks for the newest increase in my views, by the way."
And then she walks off, legs disappearing down the hallway as if she's sauntering down a catwalk. Hoya looks at his reflection in the mirror with distaste spewing inside his mouth.
Dongwoo has always had a twisted sense of humor so it shouldn't shock Hoya much when Hani's standing there at the front of their rehearsal space with Dongwoo's happy arm around her shoulder, guiding her in Hoya's direction.
"Surprise, Hodong! Hani heard through the rumor mill that we were going to cover Exid's song for our concert so she graciously volunteered to help us learn the dance moves!"
Dongwoo pushes Hani towards Hoya in excitement and Hoya cocks an eyebrow at both of them.
"No."
"You sound as bitter as you do in your texts," Hani says and then flashes a smile at Hoya when he scowls back, "sunbae."
"Come on now, let's get along! Let bygones be bygones, awkward mentions of masturbation stay buried in the past." Dongwoo steps in the middle of the two, engaging them in a circle of friendship with his arms over their shoulders.
"Now, I would partake but I'm a gifted dancer as is, so I don't need the help. So good luck!" he says, sprinting out of the practice room quicker than either of them can acknowledge, locking the door behind him and holding the shiny, glimmering, silver key up on the other side of the clear door so that they can see it. He kisses the key and then disappears into the unknown.
"I knew that was going to happen," Hani says.
"Yeah, he's like that." Hoya rolls his eyes and then crosses his arms and stares at Hani for a moment. She looks sort of hot, all dressed down in casual sweats, hair tied in a sloppy bun, eager and ready to go. He uncrosses his arms, then shuffles over to the disc player like a good sport.
"All right, let's do this."
"Do-?" Hani says slowly, not following as Hoya sways his hair along to the beginning strums of the song, resembling a bobble-head. "Wait, you didn't actually think I came here under the pretense of really rehearsing did you? Oh god, you did."
There's a very tiny, microscopic glimmer of a blush staining her cheeks, but it's gone almost as fast as she reverses the situation of stupidity on him.
"Dongwoo made it seem like you knew. Oh, you poor thing."
Hoya stops the bobble-head movements, looking at Hani in confusion, not liking the slight condescension in her tone.
"Knew what?"
"I didn't come here for rehearsals. I came here to show you the real thing. Make it easier?"
"What easier?"
"You know!"
"No?"
"Don't worry, I can talk you through it. Watch first."
Hoya stands by the disc player, perplexed at whatever Hani was trying to tell him but not say. The music shifts to the second chorus line and suddenly she's dancing like an expert in front of him, curves swaying to the beat, hips jutting in obscene fashion just like the original choreography permits. She shakes her hair a little, undoing the bun until her hair falls around her framing her face romantically. She dances and dances, formulating her gaze to look just like the one she displayed in the infamous video. Hoya gets lost in the song and in the moves and somewhere in between the polite clapping along and the desire to follow along in steps, his mouth tenses and his lips fall dry.
The song automatically starts on repeat, and Hani approaches him, cornering Hoya into the mirrored walls, the intoxicating rap of LE reverberating in their ears and echoing throughout the room.
"You're such a monster," the song says first and she repeats seductively, and then her hands wander in anticipation to the hem of his pants.
"No," Hoya tries his favorite word again in a feeble attempt but he doesn't bother to say it twice, unable to resist the joy of a girl, this girl, Hani, dipping her index fingers around the waistline of his boxers and then grabbing onto his clothed erection. He gets hard way too fast but he's past the point of embarrassment and she's smiling at him, marveling at the weight of his crotch and the feel of his cock in her hand.
"So did you?" she squeezes him mercilessly through his jeans, hoping to illicit some sort of reaction and Hoya feels like he's going to explode. He doesn't answer back, hardly can as she continues to squeeze him tight, then unzips his jeans without his approval, her bare hands immediately burning him into a fervor. She lets her hands go for a second, and Hoya instantly feels cold before the press of her fingers scrape around his inner thighs, curious and with tease.
"Please," he finally begs feeling himself getting heavy at her touch, wanting nothing more to unload himself and just deal with the consequences later. Hani steps in closer until there is nothing such as proximity between them, burying her head into the nape of his neck for support as she moves her hands up his thighs and then caresses his balls with both hands, underneath his visible radar. Hoya closes his eyes then opens them, feeling Hani curl her palm around his dick once more and he starts to grind a little against her hold, unable to help himself. He jerks forward, and then thrusts into her hand with more force, almost catapulting them from their slumped stature against the mirrored wall.
Hoya's eyes hood themselves in ecstasy, glossing over as his body pulsates, falling over into an angsty, panting tremor.
"Six times, huh?" she inhales deeply in the crevice of his thick neck, the scent of perfume and sweat taking Hoya into overdrive. She coaxes his rocking in to a steady rhythm, pumping him furiously but with purpose and Hoya grunts when she digs her fingernails on the backside of his balls. She cranes herself into a position where she can lick his jaw while simultaneously stroking her thumb against the base of his cock and with one final long tug, he's done for, coming all over her hands and his stomach, splatters of his come spilling past his underwear and into his rumpled jeans.
"Fuck," is all he manages to say, his throat in desperate need of thirst when she unwraps herself from him. She doesn't help Hoya clean himself up, only taking care of zipping his pants back up for him, licking whatever of his mess landed on her hands. She looks at him when she finishes sucking on her last finger and Hoya feels himself getting half hard again underneath his soiled boxers.
"So? How was that?" she taps her feet waiting for an answer that Hoya is not prepared to give. He glances around the room for something to clean himself with and something to help his parched throat. Water.
When he catches her expecting posture, he feels himself getting dizzy with cockiness. And then he swallows his pride with nonchalance, pulling his arms around his head and back against the mirror so that Hani can see every definition of his bicep muscles. He smirks in her general direction, ignoring the throbbing sensation in his body when he notices a flick of his come at the corner of her mouth.
"Not bad. You pass I guess."
"Uh...thanks."
- Seven
- That only makes it once.
The van is being faulty and jumpy after a sudden rainfall and Hoya feels his blood coagulate, unsure of whether it's coming from the shoddy tires or the new illuminations of his phone after a few weeks pass.
- Lucky number seven
- ONE.
- 7
- We could do this all day. What's your point Hani?
- Want to go for eight?
- What happens at eight?
- Oh you know, some up. Some down.
- Okay.
- Leggo.
Hoya looks up and Dongwoo's blindingly white smile embraces him. Dongwoo gives him a punch on the shoulder and Hoya attempts to deflect his vision, turning his body so that he's sitting perpendicular to the van of the door, away from Dongwoo and his persecuting eyes. But Hoya finds himself smiling back despite himself. He texts back again, index fingers pressing in delight.
- It's still going to be only two, by the way.