Gong reflections
The WHY has been the thing that has been spinning in my head. Why am I afraid of being great? I suppose it's because I don't know what it's like to be great. Maybe it's a fear of failure; maybe it's the unknown; maybe it's the not having control part...
But it has become apparent to me that the parts I CAN control, I don't. It's not the universe- It is ME! my actions, my attitude... ME!
Take this past week, for example. I previously had worked 6 weeks of days tues-friday 6am-2pm. I didn't really like it. I didn't like that I had to go to bed by 9 to really feel ok in the morning. I didn't like getting home at the point of the day where the heat had already kicked in and I couldn't take Bella walking without almost dying (the two of us), BUT I was growing used to the routine of having a set schedule. I had told my boss in the beginning of my adjusting that I didn't like it and why. She is so great she said she would see if there was something she could do about it. AND SHE DID! the whole month of June I work nights! WHHHAAAT?! well now that I'm used to days, I'm pissed!
WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! There is no pleasing me. I should be grateful, and elated, yet I'm over here hating that I wont be home before sundown. whatever, dude, get your shit together.
Ok ok ok so then this past week, right, I thought I was just being a week long fill in for my co-worker that just went on a road trip (she usually does the nights), and I spent EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY doing nothing. Everyday, before 1030 I said "you should probably walk Bella since it will be really hot soon" and I just said "yeah yeah yeah, I'll do it later..." but did I ever do it? NO!
I said "you have enough time to be doing yoga, why don't you do some yoga?" "YEAH YEAH YEAHHH, I'll do it right now..." just to AGAIN NEVER DO IT!
Do you understand that I have an audition coming up on Thursday?! Even so, still slackin'!
That Walmart dream I had with the gongs? Yeah, well I know what it meant. It meant I'm afraid of m It clearly showed me that I was creative, intelligent, savvy, and talented, and that I am not doing anything about it. I have a gift, ya know, yet I am WASTING it by doing nothing. All I do is sit in front of the TV waiting to go to work- and I fuckin don't even LIKE TV!
I don't paint, I don't clean, I dont cook/food prep, I don't walk my dog, I dont sew, I dont read, I don't garden, I dont even go outside...
Seriously, dude, wtf is wrong with me? THOSE are the things I say are IMPORTANT TO ME and yet, I dont DO THEM?! WTF IS UP WITH THAAAAT?! DAAAAMMMNN that's... that's... gross. and emBARassing, and pretty pathetic and even judgment put aside, that's pretty inconsistent. I say one thing, and I DO another. actually more like don't do but ya know ;)
So you know going through some inward stuff. Well of course, the universe presents a
But it has become apparent to me that the parts I CAN control, I don't. It's not the universe- It is ME! my actions, my attitude... ME!
Take this past week, for example. I previously had worked 6 weeks of days tues-friday 6am-2pm. I didn't really like it. I didn't like that I had to go to bed by 9 to really feel ok in the morning. I didn't like getting home at the point of the day where the heat had already kicked in and I couldn't take Bella walking without almost dying (the two of us), BUT I was growing used to the routine of having a set schedule. I had told my boss in the beginning of my adjusting that I didn't like it and why. She is so great she said she would see if there was something she could do about it. AND SHE DID! the whole month of June I work nights! WHHHAAAT?! well now that I'm used to days, I'm pissed!
WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?! There is no pleasing me. I should be grateful, and elated, yet I'm over here hating that I wont be home before sundown. whatever, dude, get your shit together.
Ok ok ok so then this past week, right, I thought I was just being a week long fill in for my co-worker that just went on a road trip (she usually does the nights), and I spent EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY doing nothing. Everyday, before 1030 I said "you should probably walk Bella since it will be really hot soon" and I just said "yeah yeah yeah, I'll do it later..." but did I ever do it? NO!
I said "you have enough time to be doing yoga, why don't you do some yoga?" "YEAH YEAH YEAHHH, I'll do it right now..." just to AGAIN NEVER DO IT!
Do you understand that I have an audition coming up on Thursday?! Even so, still slackin'!
That Walmart dream I had with the gongs? Yeah, well I know what it meant. It meant I'm afraid of m It clearly showed me that I was creative, intelligent, savvy, and talented, and that I am not doing anything about it. I have a gift, ya know, yet I am WASTING it by doing nothing. All I do is sit in front of the TV waiting to go to work- and I fuckin don't even LIKE TV!
I don't paint, I don't clean, I dont cook/food prep, I don't walk my dog, I dont sew, I dont read, I don't garden, I dont even go outside...
Seriously, dude, wtf is wrong with me? THOSE are the things I say are IMPORTANT TO ME and yet, I dont DO THEM?! WTF IS UP WITH THAAAAT?! DAAAAMMMNN that's... that's... gross. and emBARassing, and pretty pathetic and even judgment put aside, that's pretty inconsistent. I say one thing, and I DO another. actually more like don't do but ya know ;)
So you know going through some inward stuff. Well of course, the universe presents a