Apathy Purge
I like to give advice, who doesn’t? Really though, I just like to give advice. I don’t always think it means all that much, or that anyone could get all that much out of it. Right now, I want to give everyone, including myself, some advice. Before I do, I would like to explain a few things. If you are the type that likes to get right to the action, pause for a moment while I sigh, and skip down to the end. It’s ok, lots of people hate reading the instructions. Just know that I don’t think you’ll really understand what I was trying to say if you skip this. James Baldwin (not one of the Baldwin brother clones) said,
“The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was before you came in.”
Everything we interact with can be changed forever by that interaction. All of us have caused innumerable problems and solutions without us even knowing. By simply living, without a conscious knowledge of the world around us, we change that world, but there is also a strength we posses that can force changes on people and situations.
I can’t get away from this sinking feeling that I am doing things all wrong. It’s like I’ll wake up one day and wonder how the hell I got to such a shitty place, and know that nothing will turn out right for me ever again. Mistakes are such messed up, wonderful, terrible things, and they can teach me so much, but if I keep hiding them I won’t ever have to admit what I did, or realize what they have made me. Denial is the best friend I have, but he’s the kind of friend who takes the change off my dresser when I go to the bathroom.
There are times when I wish I was a completely different person. I wish I could change so many things about myself. Maybe I’ll be able to become all those ideals I dream about someday. Maybe all the molecules in my body will shift slightly tonight, and everything will be different tomorrow. Or maybe that’s just life. Maybe if I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t be a person at all. I’d be some forest animal, or an amoeba crawling around, as my asexual mutations were crushed by passing feet.
People in my life have at many times have said that they can’t understand human relations or how difficult we make them. Speaking from my own experience I can say that I get relations with other people all messed up by the thoughts I imagine them saying in my head. I know it sounds crazy, and well, it is kind of crazy, but it’s super easy to do. I’ll say something and think, ‘Wow, the person I am talking to must have no idea what I was talking about,’ immediately after my mouth shuts. They are usually responding to what I’ve said by this point, so I miss a little dialogue, but by then it doesn’t matter, the thoughts in my head mean more than the words from their mouth. My perception becomes skewed by my perception.
Sometimes when I am doing something I find complicating, I wish I could close my eyes. I want to continue on in my pursuit, but I don’t want to see a thing. I want to wipe away the conscious world, and breathe deeply through my nose.
There will never be a better time than now to do what you want to do. If you wait to think abut this, when you are done will become now, a point in the line of the arrow. Sitting alone in a room will cause changes you will never understand or see, but your actions can cause reactions that will change your sight and understanding forever.
Super special secret note: Every instance of 'you' should be replaced with 'I,' but I don't want to admit to myself that this is only for my own benefit
=+Grammer Tag: Because 'you' should be 'I' additional changes are neccessary for grammatical congruency, such as 'am' instead of 'are' and instances of 'your' should be changed to 'my.'
***Superfluous addition: each 'e' that is followed by an 'a' in a word should be pronounced with a tilda, though if the 'e' stands alone [that is to say if it is surrounded by consonats] it should be pronounced with accepted emphasis and tone. If an 'e' appears at the end of a word [such as 'rate'] it should be pronounced with a hearty 'Eeeraaagh.' If the 'e' has a vowel instead of a consonant before it at the end of a word [as in free] than the final two vowels should be pronounced in a screeching manner at the highest possible decibel level your voice can provide. [Think the lead singer of AC/DC] Any instance of a word with a 'f' followed by a 't' [as in 'raft'] should be pronounced as if the 't' comes before the 'f'. [ratf] Because the English language does not support a clear sound for this grouping of letters, an 'e' sound will be added to the end of such words [ratfe]; however, the previous rule to pronounce this 'e' as 'Eeeraaagh' does not apply as it is only used to ease speech.
“The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was before you came in.”
Everything we interact with can be changed forever by that interaction. All of us have caused innumerable problems and solutions without us even knowing. By simply living, without a conscious knowledge of the world around us, we change that world, but there is also a strength we posses that can force changes on people and situations.
I can’t get away from this sinking feeling that I am doing things all wrong. It’s like I’ll wake up one day and wonder how the hell I got to such a shitty place, and know that nothing will turn out right for me ever again. Mistakes are such messed up, wonderful, terrible things, and they can teach me so much, but if I keep hiding them I won’t ever have to admit what I did, or realize what they have made me. Denial is the best friend I have, but he’s the kind of friend who takes the change off my dresser when I go to the bathroom.
There are times when I wish I was a completely different person. I wish I could change so many things about myself. Maybe I’ll be able to become all those ideals I dream about someday. Maybe all the molecules in my body will shift slightly tonight, and everything will be different tomorrow. Or maybe that’s just life. Maybe if I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t be a person at all. I’d be some forest animal, or an amoeba crawling around, as my asexual mutations were crushed by passing feet.
People in my life have at many times have said that they can’t understand human relations or how difficult we make them. Speaking from my own experience I can say that I get relations with other people all messed up by the thoughts I imagine them saying in my head. I know it sounds crazy, and well, it is kind of crazy, but it’s super easy to do. I’ll say something and think, ‘Wow, the person I am talking to must have no idea what I was talking about,’ immediately after my mouth shuts. They are usually responding to what I’ve said by this point, so I miss a little dialogue, but by then it doesn’t matter, the thoughts in my head mean more than the words from their mouth. My perception becomes skewed by my perception.
Sometimes when I am doing something I find complicating, I wish I could close my eyes. I want to continue on in my pursuit, but I don’t want to see a thing. I want to wipe away the conscious world, and breathe deeply through my nose.
There will never be a better time than now to do what you want to do. If you wait to think abut this, when you are done will become now, a point in the line of the arrow. Sitting alone in a room will cause changes you will never understand or see, but your actions can cause reactions that will change your sight and understanding forever.
Super special secret note: Every instance of 'you' should be replaced with 'I,' but I don't want to admit to myself that this is only for my own benefit
=+Grammer Tag: Because 'you' should be 'I' additional changes are neccessary for grammatical congruency, such as 'am' instead of 'are' and instances of 'your' should be changed to 'my.'
***Superfluous addition: each 'e' that is followed by an 'a' in a word should be pronounced with a tilda, though if the 'e' stands alone [that is to say if it is surrounded by consonats] it should be pronounced with accepted emphasis and tone. If an 'e' appears at the end of a word [such as 'rate'] it should be pronounced with a hearty 'Eeeraaagh.' If the 'e' has a vowel instead of a consonant before it at the end of a word [as in free] than the final two vowels should be pronounced in a screeching manner at the highest possible decibel level your voice can provide. [Think the lead singer of AC/DC] Any instance of a word with a 'f' followed by a 't' [as in 'raft'] should be pronounced as if the 't' comes before the 'f'. [ratf] Because the English language does not support a clear sound for this grouping of letters, an 'e' sound will be added to the end of such words [ratfe]; however, the previous rule to pronounce this 'e' as 'Eeeraaagh' does not apply as it is only used to ease speech.