The gingerbread castle is guarded by fairies that look like they moonlight as pornography starlets ( Read more... )

I picture an office full of dancing bears kept at their desks by the memory of chains that are no longer needed. Clown noses bobbing in their hot chocolate, humming circus music to themselves as they debug spreadsheets and enter data, claws filed to blunt nubs so they can work the keyboards. It’s unnatural to see a bear sitting in a chair. It’s ( Read more... )

The dancing bear raised his head up off its massive paws to listen to the crowd roaring in the tent. It wasn’t involved in the acts anymore. Its back legs were too arthritic to ride the unicycle and it was no longer able to juggle. The bear could still be used as a prop to chase the clowns but even that was becoming a struggle. It snuffled its ( Read more... )

It was the Manly Pandas that blocked our exit. King Sickle himself had hired them. I knew I should have been flattered that we warranted that kind of capital outlay ( Read more... )

The annual January first Polar Bear Swim. I did not partake. Keep in mind that the some of these people woke up at seven to hike up the mountain so that they could be back in time for this as a finale. I think that might just fit the clinical definition of insanity.

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They’re solar powered and they have refractive hides. These animals are hurt by the night. Darkness scars them. Without the sun to power them, they start to smoke and shudder. Like engines revving at full tilt with no oil, they smell like they’re burning when its night or they’re trapped in darkness ( Read more... )