not sure if i should even write this??
so for nearly a year i had been seeing this awesome girl that i went to high school with. i had a really great summer, unfortunatley about two weeks ago she tells me she is pregnant from another guy, and that pretty much ended "us" so the last couple weeks i have been pretty upset trying to come to terms with the whole sit. almost everyone i have hung out with had been her friends, so now i am a pariah, and no one will return my calls. I had a date on the 17th with a pretty cool girl i've known for a couple of years, but apparently i scared her off by sending too many text messages. it really wasn't that many, maybe 15 in 3 days but whatever, i am not going to try and argue with someone else's opinion. she is recently divorced and i guess i was her first date since, so i can understand being leary/weary.. not sure which word to use.. anyway we barely know each other so it isn't a big loss, other than the fact that i really needed to get my mind off of the situation i have been living. so last night i decided to get a couple of drinks at the bar that is like 2 blocks from my house here in aurora. I have kind of been trying to see if the girl who works there michelle wants to get together, she always says she does, but never actually calls. I am leaving that totally on her shoulders. but i go up there and do 2 shots w her and get a beer. i play pool with someone else and then this girl "Hope" grabs me and says "you are coming with me" now i normally do not hook up with people i just met but i guess last nite was an exception. she takes me to her house.. which just happens to be in boulder, and we did all kinds of stuff i won't even try to describe, i don't think i have the proper rating on my lj account to discuss it, just say two (almost 3) adults enjoying themselves in the privacy of one of their own homes. it is always nice to get a big fat ego stroke, and even though my ex always made me feel great and told me things that any man wants to hear, or is ready to believe about them self. Hope told me she "got off" 8 times, and i totally believe her, sometimes you don't know if women just say things to make you feel like you are important....... (you know you do, so don't deny it) but sometimes you know that they totally are telling you the truth! i feel a bit strange saying this but I can almost be positive she will never read this, hell I'll be surprised if anyone does, but either she is the most depraved human being in the world, which i doubt based on the whole morning after conversations, or she was beyond sated, and what ecstasy?! i don't know what to call it, but she said she "got off" 8 times, and based on the things she was offering to do to me, and the fact that she couldn't walk, I totally believe her. she said "holy fuck!!! I have never had anything like that before!!!" and i know that it was not my best "performance" but it was definately higher on the scale than not. i am just afraid that perhaps it was a total "anger/revenge" fuck and maybe i would not have been "all that" if i hadn't gotten so screwed by the girl i had seen all year. three good things have come from this.. i am not going to even mention all the bad things that i started thinking as soon as i woke up w "hope" this morning....... the most important "good thing" is that my ex "peach" i'll call her, i don't want to put her name in here because i don't want to defame her, she doesn't deserve that from me, and it wouldn't be fair. anyway peach is totally off of my mind! i guess fucked off you could say. two is that i feel like i still have some appeal to women, which after my last date i was beginning to wonder. and 3 i can still " get it done" in the "sack" if you will. so tomorrow i have to go see peach to get my house key back and i am sort of worried about what exactly i'll do. i just want my key and to tell her that i will always be there if she needs anything, but i am afraid that i may start going on about "what was the problem?" because she never answered that, just sort of left and i really would like closure. i think it would be better to just get my key and say "i wish you the best" and leave, i just hope i can do that.. anyway this is turning into a freaking novel so i am going to stop.. anyone who reads this.. i would love to get an opinion. hope everyone is well, happy wed.