I love my mother!!!
first..um I dont even remember posting the entry before this.... apparently it was last night, arrgh.... I well I cant believe I did that! lol I cant believe I DONT REMEMBER DOING THAT! anyway,, This is an official appology to all of my friends! SORRY ABOUT THAT, I read the post and well it basically was a proposition! lol umm I dont really know how to do this I guess. I do NOT want any of my LJ friends to think I was trying to proposition them! I ONLY want to be friends with any/all of you. NOTHING more.... I guess I am pretty embarassed about that whole post. I must have written it last night after getting back from the bar... frustrated for sure, and well I drank AFTER i got home... I found a drink spilled on the floor this morning.... ug, so I dont think this makes it any better, but I WAS perhaps "blacked out" since I dont even remember typing of posting thst! and ........... I am serious when I say I am sorry to everyone who may have read it! ug.. so sorry!
OK..... now my normal crazy rantings! yesterday I went to the bar! I met two very interesting and very different people! Heather I actually met last monday on her birthday, but I didnt really talk to her then. I talkind to her for almost 4 hours last night, and then was leaving and said "hey will you give me your phone number so I can call you sometime?" and she looks really hard at me and says " UMMMM....NO!" LOL it was really a big shock, but whatever right! Then the other girl, who happened to be the bartender, we seemed to really click, and right before I was going to ask her if she would ever date a customer, she starts talking about her boyfriend!... It was pretty funny also, but I did tell her this " I was going to ask if you would ever date one of your customers, but then you started talking about your boyfriend and well seems kinda pointless to ask now!" and she says "actually you ARE really different, kind, and interesting. I normally would never date a customer, but if I didn't have a boyfriend I would definately be interested!" which now that I think about it could have been just a clever way to make me spend more money there!..hmmm Id like to think not though! so I paid my bill, left an overly generous tip....which I almost always do everywhere! and went home.... Garret, the bouncer says "hey kev, its great to see you again! do you need us to call a cab or anything?" and I said "NO, Thanks, but I knew I was driving tonight, and so I did not DRINK let last time!" ...... I did however drink after I got home!
so the past few days I have been feeling "abandoned" or "less than important" and it was really hurting me somehow. I know most of it has to do with HER and the state of affairs between us currently. well today I feel great again! I must have had 20 calls from folks who wanted to hear from ME today. I still wasnt feeling so great though, and car problems have been adding to a stress level I do not need! so my mother calls, and asks "how are things going between you and HER?" and I said "she basically has told me not to call, text, write, email, just stay away!" mother "why" me "well first i kinda freaked out because I was trying to do something I really was not ready to, and I know that now, but I didn't untill just recently! also she is scared...elise is becomming attached to ME? and she(HER) has been hurt before and is afraid it will happen again! the only thing I hate about it though is that HER reaction to a problem is to RUN AWAY.... it is not what I would do... and not what I THINK I DESERVE!, but anything I do now will only make things worse." Mother "SHE will come back around, you two have too much history involved for her to just walk away, just give her time!" well somehow this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! I have felt this way myself, but to hear someone else say it really lifted my spirit! Suddenly I dont feel so LOST anymore. I dont feel like.... i dont know. maybe I am just relieved to hear someone else can see the "bond" between us!
anyway I feel awesome again... I think I was depressed for a bit, not DEPRESSED, life is over, but down for sure. and now I am ...not! I am going to another show tomorrow night! yay! and it is just one more chance to get some "unwinding" done... I feel so stressed lately. 2 insurance deals going on, driving myself, and my sister EVERYWHERE, work, looking for a better job, the holidays, my brother, JOE, arrgh... I want a week off in a nice warm place! (ok Froya, so FLORIDA sounds good about now) then i can deal with everything again.
hope everyone has a great weekend, and a happy friday! hugs,
OK..... now my normal crazy rantings! yesterday I went to the bar! I met two very interesting and very different people! Heather I actually met last monday on her birthday, but I didnt really talk to her then. I talkind to her for almost 4 hours last night, and then was leaving and said "hey will you give me your phone number so I can call you sometime?" and she looks really hard at me and says " UMMMM....NO!" LOL it was really a big shock, but whatever right! Then the other girl, who happened to be the bartender, we seemed to really click, and right before I was going to ask her if she would ever date a customer, she starts talking about her boyfriend!... It was pretty funny also, but I did tell her this " I was going to ask if you would ever date one of your customers, but then you started talking about your boyfriend and well seems kinda pointless to ask now!" and she says "actually you ARE really different, kind, and interesting. I normally would never date a customer, but if I didn't have a boyfriend I would definately be interested!" which now that I think about it could have been just a clever way to make me spend more money there!..hmmm Id like to think not though! so I paid my bill, left an overly generous tip....which I almost always do everywhere! and went home.... Garret, the bouncer says "hey kev, its great to see you again! do you need us to call a cab or anything?" and I said "NO, Thanks, but I knew I was driving tonight, and so I did not DRINK let last time!" ...... I did however drink after I got home!
so the past few days I have been feeling "abandoned" or "less than important" and it was really hurting me somehow. I know most of it has to do with HER and the state of affairs between us currently. well today I feel great again! I must have had 20 calls from folks who wanted to hear from ME today. I still wasnt feeling so great though, and car problems have been adding to a stress level I do not need! so my mother calls, and asks "how are things going between you and HER?" and I said "she basically has told me not to call, text, write, email, just stay away!" mother "why" me "well first i kinda freaked out because I was trying to do something I really was not ready to, and I know that now, but I didn't untill just recently! also she is scared...elise is becomming attached to ME? and she(HER) has been hurt before and is afraid it will happen again! the only thing I hate about it though is that HER reaction to a problem is to RUN AWAY.... it is not what I would do... and not what I THINK I DESERVE!, but anything I do now will only make things worse." Mother "SHE will come back around, you two have too much history involved for her to just walk away, just give her time!" well somehow this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! I have felt this way myself, but to hear someone else say it really lifted my spirit! Suddenly I dont feel so LOST anymore. I dont feel like.... i dont know. maybe I am just relieved to hear someone else can see the "bond" between us!
anyway I feel awesome again... I think I was depressed for a bit, not DEPRESSED, life is over, but down for sure. and now I am ...not! I am going to another show tomorrow night! yay! and it is just one more chance to get some "unwinding" done... I feel so stressed lately. 2 insurance deals going on, driving myself, and my sister EVERYWHERE, work, looking for a better job, the holidays, my brother, JOE, arrgh... I want a week off in a nice warm place! (ok Froya, so FLORIDA sounds good about now) then i can deal with everything again.
hope everyone has a great weekend, and a happy friday! hugs,