changes

[skeruf]

well lots has changed to say the least, between right now, and last night, I am perhaps unrecogniseable as the same person. first, yesterday was one of my worst days ever, since I have been "sober" and happy anyway. I felt like I was being ignored,to my face, not a pretty sight.lol Any way I finally decided that I had to go for a drive, Driving helps me somehow, no matter what is going on once the car starts moving, it really doesnt matter. well, I had been up a LONG time, almost 18 hours, and I had a few drinks..... well I woke up in the ditch of E-470 at 65 miles an hour. Somehow I did not hit the metal rail, or the tree, or anything else while i was asleep. I regained control of my car and pulled back on to the road, nothing happened, right? well, aparently the car behind me did not want to be behind me anymore after watching my creative use of off roading and highway driving....go figure. lol but seroiusly, I was pretty upset before that happened, well NOW I NEARLY HAD DIED? so I was considerably MORE upset. I am the first person to pull over and sleep on the side of the road if I am tired, and the last person to drive if I drink more than a drink an hour, but lastnight I found myself frantic, searching for an explaination. why was i treating HER poorly? why was I feeling so unimportant? Why was I drinking again? well, I figured it out this morning, and I can honestly say I am STILL HAPPY, and still ready, and I can take control. I wrote an apology to HER and an explaination of why I was acting......ug, poorly to her. I feel better at least, I still have not heard anything from her, but I dont blame her either... :( so I have a new approach that works better for MY sanity, and we'll see! also I have WED. off of work and school, I really would like to go see HER and Elise but I dont know if she even wants to talk to me yet, so I will probably not go over :( but who knows, fate has been really giving me wildcards lately. I have to cook thanksgiving lunch/dinner for me my sister and my brother, then we may try to see a movie, so I have that day pretty much used up already. I am going to try and sleep tomorrow, and let this week just go by.

anyway JOE got kicked out of his house this morning, and called me and said "keep the guitar, its yours now" and hung up. I was basically at work and could not call him back, so I pray he is ok, but I dont know and I just could not do anything for him today.........I am worried,