Soooo... I need your opinion
I was rooting through some notebooks and I came upon this. I quickly typed it up and I'm putting it up for your perusal. Hopefully I should get some feedback. Please?
Title: ?
Rating: PG-13/R, ?
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Warnings: slash, medical stuffs
Pairing: Kirk/Spock pre-slash?
Summary: " 'I'm fine," Kirk soothed. 'If anything was wrong Bones would have noticed and hypo'd me about it.' "
A/N: A little darker stuff to the trope "the mind-meld gave me feeeeelings..." hope you like and answer!
“Lieutenant,” Jim called to Uhura who was heading to the turbolift, joining her and gently touching the side of her arm as she had not heard him. Or was utilizing selective hearing.
“Captain,” she said, looking pointedly at his hand grasping her upper arm.
“I was just looking at your proposal to restructure the Communications and-,” Jim trailed off there. Something weird happened. His grip on her arm tightened exponentially, his eyes unfocused and drifted, and his body stiffened, muscles tightening in place.
“Ow!” Uhura raised her voice. “You’re hurting me!”
Almost a minute later, Kirk’s grip loosened and fell from her arm. “And I want to say I’m in full support. Just give me the exact mods and I’ll sign it off,” Kirk went on as if nothing had happened.
Uhura rubbed her arm, perplexed expression on her face. This wasn’t normal.
“What?” Kirk raised a brow.
“Are you all right?”
He was confused. “I’m fine,” he shook his head in wonder. The turbolift door had been open for a bit, he walked out. “See you later, lieutenant.”
Uhura resolved to keep an eye on him.
~*~*~
It happened on the bridge, she was the only one watching at the time. She was surprised that no one else noticed. Kirk had his legs crossed, moving his foot idly. His hand upon a chin with the other bracing on the arm. He was slouched, but his shoulders still infuriatingly straight and squared. There was a slight intake of breath from him and she saw Kirk’s legs still and his fingers white-knuckle the armrest.
She did the only thing she could. She told Spock.
~*~*~
“Captain,” Spock greeted as he entered the captain’s quarters for their nightly game.
“Spock,” Jim grinned. “Ready for another beating?”
“I am not here for our usual game, Captain. I have received concerns from the crew that you are in distress.”
“C’mon, Spock,” Jim cajoled. “I’m fine. If there was anything, Bones would’ve noticed and hypo‘d me about it.”
Spock’s eyebrows pushed together slightly in his Vulcan frown. “Indeed.” It did make logical sense. The doctor had almost an obsession with the Captain’s health. Spock would relate his concerns to the doctor later.
“Really, Spock,” Jim assured him. He reached out to Spock’s bicep for a friendly touch and squeezed it in reassurance. “If there was anything amiss, I’d-”
Jim’s body stiffened with a slight intake of breath. Eyes unfocused and Spock could feel the irregular beat of Jim’s heart. On a human, the grip of Jim’s hand would leave bruises.
“Captain?” Spock questioned. “Captain?”
Time seemed to slow down, though he knew it was illogical, only 24.68 seconds had passed.
“-see Bones if anything was really wrong,” Jim continued as if the episode had not occurred at all.
He let Spock go as if realizing the Vulcan was uncomfortable with the touch. “Sorry.”
“Captain, I strongly recommend seeing Doctor McCoy immediately. You have suffered a seizure lasting 24.68 seconds.”
“What? No, I didn’t” was the protest.
“Sir, I would not deceive you under the severity of the situation.”
“I’m fine, Spock. I didn’t notice a seizure, I must’ve drifted off or something. Sorry, Spock.”
“I must insist, Captain.”
“It’s Jim, Spock.”
“I must protest, Captain. You are not well.”
“But I’m fine, Spock,” his voice was nearly whining.
“Fine has many variable meanings and is not precise in this situation.”
“Spock,” Jim whined.
Spock knew he would have to convince his captain to go, so he did it the only way he could. “Please, Jim.”
Jim looked stunned that he spoke his name and then sighed resignedly. “Fine, I’ll stop by when Bones gets back on duty.”
“I recommend seeing the medical personnel sooner, Captain.”
“Bones hardly sleeps as it is. Let him get four hours at least and I’ll visit. I promise, Spock. I’ll go.”
~*~*~
A few hours later, Jim had his first seizure of the night. He rode out the tremors and pain as best he could before he could get enough control to inject himself with the meds that Bones had given him. He’d been in for the battery of neural scans and every one that Bones could dream up. The worst of the seizures happened at night and came with the most vivid dreams. It was the James Kirk of the alternate reality. He saw a younger Spock from the one he had met and a different Enterprise. Even his best friend was different.
He would have to tell Bones about this newest development of waking seizures. He sighed.
Fuck.
~*~*~
“Doctor McCoy,” Spock greeted the Southern man with a nod.
“Commander, what can I do for you?”
“I wished to ascertain the Captain’s status. He said he stopped by to visit.”
“Yeah, he stopped by. Friends usually do.”
“I meant in the manner of the Captain’s health. He experienced a seizure at 2120 hours yesterday evening and promised he would visit you.”
Bones looked incredulous. “What? He didn’t tell you? That sonuva-”
“Tell me what, doctor?”
Bones sighed. “I don’t know what it is, Spock. It’s not epilepsy or any sort of seizure disorder that I know of.”
“May I see the results of his neural scans?”
Bones looked him up and down. “One condition. This is confidential. I‘m stumped, Spock and my friend is suffering. But hey, might help to have an expert in brain voodoo check it out.”
Spock decided to let that comment slide. “It is curious,” he spoke after a moment. “How long was he experiencing these seizures?”
Bones looked at him in the eye. “I’m only telling you this because you seem to look out for Jim as much as I do… This goes no further. Command chain only. People have been trying to find a way to take the Enterprise away from Jim.”
“Affirmative.”
“He’s been having bad bouts lately, but these have been lasting near to six months by my reckoning or longer. I don’t know exactly, he came to me four months ago because he couldn’t take the pain much more. It’s excruciating for him, though he tried not to say. I worry for Jim all the time, friend’s prerogative. But this, this scares me,” Bones shook his head, loathe to admit it.
Spock perused that data again. It was something familiar to him, something he would see only in a Vulcan brain. But what was it doing in his Captain’s?
“I believe I may have some insight, Doctor,” he began slowly. “His primary area of affliction seems to be in the memory portion of his brain. It is similar to a Vulcan scan.”
The doctor took the PADD back from him. “Spock, you mind staying for a few scans?”
“I assume you will compare the Captain’s scans with mine.”
“Better than using a textbook. More interactive.”
“Very well, if you would send me duplicates of the results.”
“Two heads are better than one.”
“I must disagree, it has been proven that-”
“Forget it. It’s better that the both of us are working on it.”
~*~*~
It was two days before Spock could get the Captain alone, it seemed as if the Captain was truly avoiding him. Finally he managed to corner him on the bridge and agree to a chess game. Spock arrived promptly on time and already had the conversation topic picked out.
“I have examined your neural scans and determined the area of affliction, your memory center.”
“You cracked the hippocampus, Spock?” Jim teased good-naturedly.
“Captain,” he tried again.
“It’s Jim, Spock. We’re having a decent conversation between friends. At least call me Jim.”
It was quiet for a few beats until Jim spoke up again. In a quiet voice he began, “I see things when I seize. Not hallucinations, but memories… of another time.”
“I assume you mean those of my counterpart.”
“Hey! You’re not supposed to know!” Jim’s eyes widened, ready for the universe to implode. When nothing was forthcoming, he went on. “He tricked me!”
Spock’s eyes lightened in amusement. “Vulcans do not ‘trick.’”
“Right, and they don’t lie either.”
“Exactly,” Spock nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching.
“Ha ha, joke’s on me,” Jim pouted. “Anyways. Not hallucinations, but memories from this alternate reality. I think it was from when he, y’know,” Jim made a gesture towards his face with three fingers in the approximate meld position.
Spock stiffened. “When he what, Captain?”
“It’s Jim, Spock. And when he melded with me or something.”
“He should not have done that.”
“Can’t blame the results though. Was worth the feelings.”
“Feelings?” Spock seemed to withdraw within himself.
“S’not like it was totally against anything. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I think he believes more in showing than telling… Hurt like a bitch though.”
Spock was angry, despite the illogical emotion. This went against every sacred practice Vulcans held, this was an intrusion of the worst kind. His hands tightened into fists.
“Whoa, Spock, take it easy. Everything turned out all right.”
“He took liberties with you and your mind, and I suspect he may have left lasting damage.”
“The needs of the many for those of the few,” Jim intoned, eyes drifting to the right. There came a quick intake of breath and Jim’s spine stiffened almost immediately.
Spock did not know why he did so, but he reached across the table to Jim, and fingers splayed over Jim’s meld points. He was instantly pulled into Jim’s mind and a memory passed between them. The man in a maroon uniform on the other side of the glass. Curly brown hair, a name- Admiral James T. Kirk, his own, his t‘hy‘la. His own face reflected slightly in the glass. The pain was different, he had brought this upon himself. The radiation poisoning was eating him alive. But he had to save his people and his other half. Better him than Jim. Sensation started to fade as well as his strength, the glass propping him up more than anything. The words came…
“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…”
“Or the one,” the other Kirk said.
“Or the one,” he repeated and the fading into black.
He was just as quickly catapulted out of the meld. Jim whimpered under his fingers and he removed his hand.
“Goddammit, Spock,” Jim nearly sobbed, tears freely flowing down his face. He clenched his teeth and nearly bit his tongue to keep himself from crying out. He put his face into his hands, folding his body in half as he pushed his forehead to lap in agony. “Goddamn you, Spock.”
“Jim?”
“Get out,” Jim moaned from his position.
“Jim, I-”
“No! No more!” Jim’s voice was muffled by his legs. “No more melds, they hurt too much!”
“It was not my intention to-”
“Hell, Spock!” Jim came up from his lap, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Haven’t you done enough? You preach about invasion and here you go being a hypocrite. Leave now, dammit, you’e done enough damage for one night.”
“Captain, I apologize.”
“Get the fuck out, Spock,” Jim returned to his lap.
“I must protest, Captain.”
“Well, Commander, your services here are no longer needed,” Jim got up, his forehead and the area around his eyes were creased in pain. “Good-bye, Commander.”
And Jim ushered him out with a less than polite shove into the hallway.
Title: ?
Rating: PG-13/R, ?
Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst
Warnings: slash, medical stuffs
Pairing: Kirk/Spock pre-slash?
Summary: " 'I'm fine," Kirk soothed. 'If anything was wrong Bones would have noticed and hypo'd me about it.' "
A/N: A little darker stuff to the trope "the mind-meld gave me feeeeelings..." hope you like and answer!
“Lieutenant,” Jim called to Uhura who was heading to the turbolift, joining her and gently touching the side of her arm as she had not heard him. Or was utilizing selective hearing.
“Captain,” she said, looking pointedly at his hand grasping her upper arm.
“I was just looking at your proposal to restructure the Communications and-,” Jim trailed off there. Something weird happened. His grip on her arm tightened exponentially, his eyes unfocused and drifted, and his body stiffened, muscles tightening in place.
“Ow!” Uhura raised her voice. “You’re hurting me!”
Almost a minute later, Kirk’s grip loosened and fell from her arm. “And I want to say I’m in full support. Just give me the exact mods and I’ll sign it off,” Kirk went on as if nothing had happened.
Uhura rubbed her arm, perplexed expression on her face. This wasn’t normal.
“What?” Kirk raised a brow.
“Are you all right?”
He was confused. “I’m fine,” he shook his head in wonder. The turbolift door had been open for a bit, he walked out. “See you later, lieutenant.”
Uhura resolved to keep an eye on him.
~*~*~
It happened on the bridge, she was the only one watching at the time. She was surprised that no one else noticed. Kirk had his legs crossed, moving his foot idly. His hand upon a chin with the other bracing on the arm. He was slouched, but his shoulders still infuriatingly straight and squared. There was a slight intake of breath from him and she saw Kirk’s legs still and his fingers white-knuckle the armrest.
She did the only thing she could. She told Spock.
~*~*~
“Captain,” Spock greeted as he entered the captain’s quarters for their nightly game.
“Spock,” Jim grinned. “Ready for another beating?”
“I am not here for our usual game, Captain. I have received concerns from the crew that you are in distress.”
“C’mon, Spock,” Jim cajoled. “I’m fine. If there was anything, Bones would’ve noticed and hypo‘d me about it.”
Spock’s eyebrows pushed together slightly in his Vulcan frown. “Indeed.” It did make logical sense. The doctor had almost an obsession with the Captain’s health. Spock would relate his concerns to the doctor later.
“Really, Spock,” Jim assured him. He reached out to Spock’s bicep for a friendly touch and squeezed it in reassurance. “If there was anything amiss, I’d-”
Jim’s body stiffened with a slight intake of breath. Eyes unfocused and Spock could feel the irregular beat of Jim’s heart. On a human, the grip of Jim’s hand would leave bruises.
“Captain?” Spock questioned. “Captain?”
Time seemed to slow down, though he knew it was illogical, only 24.68 seconds had passed.
“-see Bones if anything was really wrong,” Jim continued as if the episode had not occurred at all.
He let Spock go as if realizing the Vulcan was uncomfortable with the touch. “Sorry.”
“Captain, I strongly recommend seeing Doctor McCoy immediately. You have suffered a seizure lasting 24.68 seconds.”
“What? No, I didn’t” was the protest.
“Sir, I would not deceive you under the severity of the situation.”
“I’m fine, Spock. I didn’t notice a seizure, I must’ve drifted off or something. Sorry, Spock.”
“I must insist, Captain.”
“It’s Jim, Spock.”
“I must protest, Captain. You are not well.”
“But I’m fine, Spock,” his voice was nearly whining.
“Fine has many variable meanings and is not precise in this situation.”
“Spock,” Jim whined.
Spock knew he would have to convince his captain to go, so he did it the only way he could. “Please, Jim.”
Jim looked stunned that he spoke his name and then sighed resignedly. “Fine, I’ll stop by when Bones gets back on duty.”
“I recommend seeing the medical personnel sooner, Captain.”
“Bones hardly sleeps as it is. Let him get four hours at least and I’ll visit. I promise, Spock. I’ll go.”
~*~*~
A few hours later, Jim had his first seizure of the night. He rode out the tremors and pain as best he could before he could get enough control to inject himself with the meds that Bones had given him. He’d been in for the battery of neural scans and every one that Bones could dream up. The worst of the seizures happened at night and came with the most vivid dreams. It was the James Kirk of the alternate reality. He saw a younger Spock from the one he had met and a different Enterprise. Even his best friend was different.
He would have to tell Bones about this newest development of waking seizures. He sighed.
Fuck.
~*~*~
“Doctor McCoy,” Spock greeted the Southern man with a nod.
“Commander, what can I do for you?”
“I wished to ascertain the Captain’s status. He said he stopped by to visit.”
“Yeah, he stopped by. Friends usually do.”
“I meant in the manner of the Captain’s health. He experienced a seizure at 2120 hours yesterday evening and promised he would visit you.”
Bones looked incredulous. “What? He didn’t tell you? That sonuva-”
“Tell me what, doctor?”
Bones sighed. “I don’t know what it is, Spock. It’s not epilepsy or any sort of seizure disorder that I know of.”
“May I see the results of his neural scans?”
Bones looked him up and down. “One condition. This is confidential. I‘m stumped, Spock and my friend is suffering. But hey, might help to have an expert in brain voodoo check it out.”
Spock decided to let that comment slide. “It is curious,” he spoke after a moment. “How long was he experiencing these seizures?”
Bones looked at him in the eye. “I’m only telling you this because you seem to look out for Jim as much as I do… This goes no further. Command chain only. People have been trying to find a way to take the Enterprise away from Jim.”
“Affirmative.”
“He’s been having bad bouts lately, but these have been lasting near to six months by my reckoning or longer. I don’t know exactly, he came to me four months ago because he couldn’t take the pain much more. It’s excruciating for him, though he tried not to say. I worry for Jim all the time, friend’s prerogative. But this, this scares me,” Bones shook his head, loathe to admit it.
Spock perused that data again. It was something familiar to him, something he would see only in a Vulcan brain. But what was it doing in his Captain’s?
“I believe I may have some insight, Doctor,” he began slowly. “His primary area of affliction seems to be in the memory portion of his brain. It is similar to a Vulcan scan.”
The doctor took the PADD back from him. “Spock, you mind staying for a few scans?”
“I assume you will compare the Captain’s scans with mine.”
“Better than using a textbook. More interactive.”
“Very well, if you would send me duplicates of the results.”
“Two heads are better than one.”
“I must disagree, it has been proven that-”
“Forget it. It’s better that the both of us are working on it.”
~*~*~
It was two days before Spock could get the Captain alone, it seemed as if the Captain was truly avoiding him. Finally he managed to corner him on the bridge and agree to a chess game. Spock arrived promptly on time and already had the conversation topic picked out.
“I have examined your neural scans and determined the area of affliction, your memory center.”
“You cracked the hippocampus, Spock?” Jim teased good-naturedly.
“Captain,” he tried again.
“It’s Jim, Spock. We’re having a decent conversation between friends. At least call me Jim.”
It was quiet for a few beats until Jim spoke up again. In a quiet voice he began, “I see things when I seize. Not hallucinations, but memories… of another time.”
“I assume you mean those of my counterpart.”
“Hey! You’re not supposed to know!” Jim’s eyes widened, ready for the universe to implode. When nothing was forthcoming, he went on. “He tricked me!”
Spock’s eyes lightened in amusement. “Vulcans do not ‘trick.’”
“Right, and they don’t lie either.”
“Exactly,” Spock nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching.
“Ha ha, joke’s on me,” Jim pouted. “Anyways. Not hallucinations, but memories from this alternate reality. I think it was from when he, y’know,” Jim made a gesture towards his face with three fingers in the approximate meld position.
Spock stiffened. “When he what, Captain?”
“It’s Jim, Spock. And when he melded with me or something.”
“He should not have done that.”
“Can’t blame the results though. Was worth the feelings.”
“Feelings?” Spock seemed to withdraw within himself.
“S’not like it was totally against anything. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I think he believes more in showing than telling… Hurt like a bitch though.”
Spock was angry, despite the illogical emotion. This went against every sacred practice Vulcans held, this was an intrusion of the worst kind. His hands tightened into fists.
“Whoa, Spock, take it easy. Everything turned out all right.”
“He took liberties with you and your mind, and I suspect he may have left lasting damage.”
“The needs of the many for those of the few,” Jim intoned, eyes drifting to the right. There came a quick intake of breath and Jim’s spine stiffened almost immediately.
Spock did not know why he did so, but he reached across the table to Jim, and fingers splayed over Jim’s meld points. He was instantly pulled into Jim’s mind and a memory passed between them. The man in a maroon uniform on the other side of the glass. Curly brown hair, a name- Admiral James T. Kirk, his own, his t‘hy‘la. His own face reflected slightly in the glass. The pain was different, he had brought this upon himself. The radiation poisoning was eating him alive. But he had to save his people and his other half. Better him than Jim. Sensation started to fade as well as his strength, the glass propping him up more than anything. The words came…
“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few…”
“Or the one,” the other Kirk said.
“Or the one,” he repeated and the fading into black.
He was just as quickly catapulted out of the meld. Jim whimpered under his fingers and he removed his hand.
“Goddammit, Spock,” Jim nearly sobbed, tears freely flowing down his face. He clenched his teeth and nearly bit his tongue to keep himself from crying out. He put his face into his hands, folding his body in half as he pushed his forehead to lap in agony. “Goddamn you, Spock.”
“Jim?”
“Get out,” Jim moaned from his position.
“Jim, I-”
“No! No more!” Jim’s voice was muffled by his legs. “No more melds, they hurt too much!”
“It was not my intention to-”
“Hell, Spock!” Jim came up from his lap, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Haven’t you done enough? You preach about invasion and here you go being a hypocrite. Leave now, dammit, you’e done enough damage for one night.”
“Captain, I apologize.”
“Get the fuck out, Spock,” Jim returned to his lap.
“I must protest, Captain.”
“Well, Commander, your services here are no longer needed,” Jim got up, his forehead and the area around his eyes were creased in pain. “Good-bye, Commander.”
And Jim ushered him out with a less than polite shove into the hallway.