I'm sorry.
I’ve debated writing this, but I was reading my info page and saw that I’d said everything in this journal was going to be the truth or words to that effect. So here it is. The truth.
As you might know I have insomnia. I know why, but I’ve been in denial about it. I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s just a bad dream. But you don’t get exactly the same dream every night.
A while ago I was with this guy called Jason. It was going really well and I thought he might be the one. But I’m only 14. 14 and I already know from experience that nothing good lasts. That’s just the way things are. Anyway, I was at his house and he disappears for a bit, comes back, dims the lights and starts taking these pills. One after the other. I ask him what he’s doing and he says it’s just a bit of e and that I should try some. I’m no druggie so when I tell him this he gets mad. Really mad. And the next thing I know he’s on top of me, pinning me to the sofa trying to force these stupid pills down my throat.
When I told my friends about this they got really mad and started telling me it was so he could have sex with me. I told them it wasn’t, it was just because he wanted me ‘to have the experience’ but I was wrong and they were right but I didn’t want to tell them.
You know that bit in the first lord of the rings where they’re in Riverdale and Bilbo sees Frodo undressing and asks for his ring. You know how his face suddenly goes really creepy. That was what Jason’s face looked like when he was shoving the pills down my throat. And then he said something that scared me to death. ‘You’re gonna take these pills, you’re gonna feel me inside you and you’re gonna love it!’ I was so scared. More than I’ve ever admitted to anyone.
So every night when I close my eyes I can see his face and hear his words and that’s what keeps me awake. I’m too scared to sleep in case it happens again. You’re probably reading this and thinking that I am so stupid for letting a jerk creep me out like that, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry.
As you might know I have insomnia. I know why, but I’ve been in denial about it. I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s just a bad dream. But you don’t get exactly the same dream every night.
A while ago I was with this guy called Jason. It was going really well and I thought he might be the one. But I’m only 14. 14 and I already know from experience that nothing good lasts. That’s just the way things are. Anyway, I was at his house and he disappears for a bit, comes back, dims the lights and starts taking these pills. One after the other. I ask him what he’s doing and he says it’s just a bit of e and that I should try some. I’m no druggie so when I tell him this he gets mad. Really mad. And the next thing I know he’s on top of me, pinning me to the sofa trying to force these stupid pills down my throat.
When I told my friends about this they got really mad and started telling me it was so he could have sex with me. I told them it wasn’t, it was just because he wanted me ‘to have the experience’ but I was wrong and they were right but I didn’t want to tell them.
You know that bit in the first lord of the rings where they’re in Riverdale and Bilbo sees Frodo undressing and asks for his ring. You know how his face suddenly goes really creepy. That was what Jason’s face looked like when he was shoving the pills down my throat. And then he said something that scared me to death. ‘You’re gonna take these pills, you’re gonna feel me inside you and you’re gonna love it!’ I was so scared. More than I’ve ever admitted to anyone.
So every night when I close my eyes I can see his face and hear his words and that’s what keeps me awake. I’m too scared to sleep in case it happens again. You’re probably reading this and thinking that I am so stupid for letting a jerk creep me out like that, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry.