Well Fuck,
Well,
Today was the last day of Cross Country. I ran a 21:38, got 51st place, and got 8th out of 9 on our team. I cannot believe how incredibly shitty that I ran in that race. I felt so damned frustrated as everyone passed me, there are simply no words to describe. I thought that today I would try to run a lot faster than I had ever run before, try to beat my PR by 30 seconds or more, so fucking much for that. I hate it when I feel disappointed in myself, it is extremely depressing. It is even worse when you "don't care about what you're doing", yet really do care about it more than any other one that you have done before.
We have an Intro Fit test tomorrow; a Japanese Kanji test tomorrow; English essay corrections due tomorrow; 2 Math assignments due tomorrow; Chemistry questions due tomorrow; and Age of Faith reading due tomorrow. Of these, I have completed Chemistry questions thus far.
I have a love/hate relationship about my outlook on life now. I have resolved to have a positive outlook, yet it is hard to do so when one doesn't do anything outside of school. This weekend, my parents are out of town. Normally, this would mean a party. However, my parents got me a babysitter for the weekend. One: this is extremely insulting, as I feel that I am responsible enough to hold down the house for 2 nights. 2: that is the "excuse" I have for not having a party. I could easily schedule a sleepover for my sister and get the babysitter gone for the night, but I feel no motivation to. I have decided that I just don't enjoy being with my friends as much as I used to (or should). This deeply concerns me, because a: I think of myself as having a lot of friends, but no "good" friends. b: I don't think it is healthy to neglect the opportunity to be with friends. c: I have had 3 nights this school year (almost 2 months) where I have hung out with people outside of school. This is definitely not a healthy way to live, passing up opportunities to be with friends, where two years ago, I would have been devastated to miss them. I cannot decide if it is a from a lack of a "best friend" or even "good friends", or whether my personality traits really have turned out to be introverted.
That's all for now I guess, more on this subject later. HW calls, and it's not a good call, more of a "get your ass over here and do something you don't want to do, because I said so!" sort of call.
Today was the last day of Cross Country. I ran a 21:38, got 51st place, and got 8th out of 9 on our team. I cannot believe how incredibly shitty that I ran in that race. I felt so damned frustrated as everyone passed me, there are simply no words to describe. I thought that today I would try to run a lot faster than I had ever run before, try to beat my PR by 30 seconds or more, so fucking much for that. I hate it when I feel disappointed in myself, it is extremely depressing. It is even worse when you "don't care about what you're doing", yet really do care about it more than any other one that you have done before.
We have an Intro Fit test tomorrow; a Japanese Kanji test tomorrow; English essay corrections due tomorrow; 2 Math assignments due tomorrow; Chemistry questions due tomorrow; and Age of Faith reading due tomorrow. Of these, I have completed Chemistry questions thus far.
I have a love/hate relationship about my outlook on life now. I have resolved to have a positive outlook, yet it is hard to do so when one doesn't do anything outside of school. This weekend, my parents are out of town. Normally, this would mean a party. However, my parents got me a babysitter for the weekend. One: this is extremely insulting, as I feel that I am responsible enough to hold down the house for 2 nights. 2: that is the "excuse" I have for not having a party. I could easily schedule a sleepover for my sister and get the babysitter gone for the night, but I feel no motivation to. I have decided that I just don't enjoy being with my friends as much as I used to (or should). This deeply concerns me, because a: I think of myself as having a lot of friends, but no "good" friends. b: I don't think it is healthy to neglect the opportunity to be with friends. c: I have had 3 nights this school year (almost 2 months) where I have hung out with people outside of school. This is definitely not a healthy way to live, passing up opportunities to be with friends, where two years ago, I would have been devastated to miss them. I cannot decide if it is a from a lack of a "best friend" or even "good friends", or whether my personality traits really have turned out to be introverted.
That's all for now I guess, more on this subject later. HW calls, and it's not a good call, more of a "get your ass over here and do something you don't want to do, because I said so!" sort of call.