Perspective
It's interesting how we needlessly get upset with each other when nobody is to blame. I've had a few frustrations, but I've also had some moments when I realized that we had all been feeling a little frustrated with each other because of a lack communication that had led to mixed perceptions of what was going on.
If I haven't already described this - my apartment was filled with other people's junk when I moved in this Summer. The hard thing was, Suzy, who'd moved in in Spring, had moved in with three of the girls who'd lived here for the past two years. So she couldn't throw out the junk they still had here. Then they moved out, slowly, one..... by..... one...... each of them leaving junk. By the time I moved in, only one of them (Jenya) still lived here, but until she left we couldn't go through everything left behind. Even after she moved out, she left some things here, like a trash can, a toilet seat cover, a sign, etc. What's worse, her old roommate, Kerri, had left things here in Jenya's and Suzy's care in order to avoid paying for a summer storage. Suzy didn't want to throw anything out until after Jenya and Kerri had had a chance to remove all of their belongings. Unfortunately, that didn't happen until the day before classes started.
Meanwhile,Josy moved her things in, lived here three days, and then took off to New York. By the time I got back, we had a new roommate, Shana. I was shocked by how full the freezer and refrigerator were, but I assumed Shana and Suzy were taking up all the room, and instead of complaining, shoved things around until I had room for my own food. In the refrigerator, normally we would divide the two middle shelves into four halves, and then share the other spaces, so I assumed Shana and Suzy were being insensitive by taking up a whole shelf each and I put my food on the drinks shelf. Which irritated Suzy, who doesn't like regular food being on the drink shelf. Finally I got fed up and started dropping hints that they needed to clear a space for Josy
But they never did. So I asked Suzy if they were each using a shelf, and she said that no, they were each using half of the bottom shelf - Suzy had never cleared out the food left by old roommates, and so the middle shelf was filled with food that didn't belong to anyone.
Today, Shana came home and seemed a little testy. Suzy and I had spent hours last night clearing out the storage closet, the cabinets, cleaning, sorting through things to toss and things to keep, and had finally made two piles in the living room - junk, and things to donate to D.I. By the end we were irritated with Shana who hadn't helped at all in this process. Suzy had even joked about getting Shana to take care of the rest of it. (there's also some resentment over Shana being messy and taking a few days to do her dishes). Plus, Shana's goign to beauty school and has little homework, while Suzy and I should have been studying last night instead of cleaning.
So, I was surprised when Shana said rather testily, "so you guys are getting rid of that stuff in the living room?" as if we were inconveniencing her by leaving it there. Then she was like, "is it possible to clear a space for me in the freezer? 'Cause I don't have any space right now, and I have things I could buy, but there's nowhere to put them." I rearranged everything for her, and she thanked me cheerfully, but i'm surprised she didn't just make a space for herself, or ask if I cared if she moved things. When I told her the bag full of stuff was Josy's, she thoguht I meant an old roommate, and said, "trash it. I'm not babysitting people's food for them" - note, she didn't say, "let's trash it," or "I'll toss it out," just as she didn't say "I'm going to clear a space." But perhaps this all comes down to a different perspective? Because, then she asked me how Josy and Suzy and I knew each other, and here's the insight I gained:
Shana is the outsider. She doesn't go to BYU like we do, she didn't know any of us before two weeks ago, while Josy and I have known each other for a year, and we've each known Suzy since June. Also, she was the last to move in. So perhaps she feels frustrated by moving into an apartment with three people who all seem to be accepting the fact that people who aren't renting the apartment are leaving their things here. Maybe she feels as if, since Suzy lived with the old people, and since I lived with Suzy during the Summer, it's our responsibility to get rid of this stuff, because it wouldn't have happened if she'd been here - she didn't agree to hold onto Kerri's things, and she wasn't here to tell Jenya to get everything out. So, I guess from her perspective, we should have made room for her, and she's not going to be rude and take it upon herself to corner her way in and sort through other people's junk like we've been doing. (and when I say junk I mean it - we found a bag of rotting trash in the
If I haven't already described this - my apartment was filled with other people's junk when I moved in this Summer. The hard thing was, Suzy, who'd moved in in Spring, had moved in with three of the girls who'd lived here for the past two years. So she couldn't throw out the junk they still had here. Then they moved out, slowly, one..... by..... one...... each of them leaving junk. By the time I moved in, only one of them (Jenya) still lived here, but until she left we couldn't go through everything left behind. Even after she moved out, she left some things here, like a trash can, a toilet seat cover, a sign, etc. What's worse, her old roommate, Kerri, had left things here in Jenya's and Suzy's care in order to avoid paying for a summer storage. Suzy didn't want to throw anything out until after Jenya and Kerri had had a chance to remove all of their belongings. Unfortunately, that didn't happen until the day before classes started.
Meanwhile,Josy moved her things in, lived here three days, and then took off to New York. By the time I got back, we had a new roommate, Shana. I was shocked by how full the freezer and refrigerator were, but I assumed Shana and Suzy were taking up all the room, and instead of complaining, shoved things around until I had room for my own food. In the refrigerator, normally we would divide the two middle shelves into four halves, and then share the other spaces, so I assumed Shana and Suzy were being insensitive by taking up a whole shelf each and I put my food on the drinks shelf. Which irritated Suzy, who doesn't like regular food being on the drink shelf. Finally I got fed up and started dropping hints that they needed to clear a space for Josy
But they never did. So I asked Suzy if they were each using a shelf, and she said that no, they were each using half of the bottom shelf - Suzy had never cleared out the food left by old roommates, and so the middle shelf was filled with food that didn't belong to anyone.
Today, Shana came home and seemed a little testy. Suzy and I had spent hours last night clearing out the storage closet, the cabinets, cleaning, sorting through things to toss and things to keep, and had finally made two piles in the living room - junk, and things to donate to D.I. By the end we were irritated with Shana who hadn't helped at all in this process. Suzy had even joked about getting Shana to take care of the rest of it. (there's also some resentment over Shana being messy and taking a few days to do her dishes). Plus, Shana's goign to beauty school and has little homework, while Suzy and I should have been studying last night instead of cleaning.
So, I was surprised when Shana said rather testily, "so you guys are getting rid of that stuff in the living room?" as if we were inconveniencing her by leaving it there. Then she was like, "is it possible to clear a space for me in the freezer? 'Cause I don't have any space right now, and I have things I could buy, but there's nowhere to put them." I rearranged everything for her, and she thanked me cheerfully, but i'm surprised she didn't just make a space for herself, or ask if I cared if she moved things. When I told her the bag full of stuff was Josy's, she thoguht I meant an old roommate, and said, "trash it. I'm not babysitting people's food for them" - note, she didn't say, "let's trash it," or "I'll toss it out," just as she didn't say "I'm going to clear a space." But perhaps this all comes down to a different perspective? Because, then she asked me how Josy and Suzy and I knew each other, and here's the insight I gained:
Shana is the outsider. She doesn't go to BYU like we do, she didn't know any of us before two weeks ago, while Josy and I have known each other for a year, and we've each known Suzy since June. Also, she was the last to move in. So perhaps she feels frustrated by moving into an apartment with three people who all seem to be accepting the fact that people who aren't renting the apartment are leaving their things here. Maybe she feels as if, since Suzy lived with the old people, and since I lived with Suzy during the Summer, it's our responsibility to get rid of this stuff, because it wouldn't have happened if she'd been here - she didn't agree to hold onto Kerri's things, and she wasn't here to tell Jenya to get everything out. So, I guess from her perspective, we should have made room for her, and she's not going to be rude and take it upon herself to corner her way in and sort through other people's junk like we've been doing. (and when I say junk I mean it - we found a bag of rotting trash in the