new year, new life, i'm all advil.
New years is always a bad scene for me. I think last year was the only time i really enjoyed myself. this year i just replayed the events of last year over in my head. Most specifically Paul diving on me at midnight, him begging me to take him home. and back to his appartment on riverside when he told me he never wanted to be without me and we sang silverchair to eachother. i'm sure he didn't remember any of it he next day. so. ow.... and i'm done.
So two more weeks before the most painful experience of my life... i'm excited but now i'm kinda wanting more time to myself. I have so much to do in the next two weeks and i don;t know how to get it all done. i feel like 'm at the mercy of everyone else. I guess i sor to f am. I don;t meet with my case worker until next week to find out about money. which means apparment searching is on hold and so is packing. I don't wan tto rush it if it's not gonna happen for a while. ugh.
Having my mom at home is frustrating cause i feel like i can't talk to Paul with her around... and that accomplishes nothing. guh. Not to mention i feel ike she's always watching my every move. she's incredibly nosey. Always asking about things that don;t make any difference anyways.. and i don't know why i bother to tell her anything anyways. i just hope she goes back to work soon. So i can get on with things without being asked every 30 seconds what i'm doing, who i'm talkign to and why. although it is nice to have McDonalds every time she leaves the house. lol.
I'm in a lot of pain though. The braxton Hick's contractions are getting kinda brutal sometimes. particularly while i'm sleeping. or trying to. heven't been getting much sleep lately between the cramps and the overactive bladder. things like that make me wan tto get it over sooner... double ugh. oh well. just gotta get through the weekend and then i'll be ok i think. I just feel like i'm waiting... i hate waiting. nothing i can do really. especially when i can't stand being on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time.
So two more weeks before the most painful experience of my life... i'm excited but now i'm kinda wanting more time to myself. I have so much to do in the next two weeks and i don;t know how to get it all done. i feel like 'm at the mercy of everyone else. I guess i sor to f am. I don;t meet with my case worker until next week to find out about money. which means apparment searching is on hold and so is packing. I don't wan tto rush it if it's not gonna happen for a while. ugh.
Having my mom at home is frustrating cause i feel like i can't talk to Paul with her around... and that accomplishes nothing. guh. Not to mention i feel ike she's always watching my every move. she's incredibly nosey. Always asking about things that don;t make any difference anyways.. and i don't know why i bother to tell her anything anyways. i just hope she goes back to work soon. So i can get on with things without being asked every 30 seconds what i'm doing, who i'm talkign to and why. although it is nice to have McDonalds every time she leaves the house. lol.
I'm in a lot of pain though. The braxton Hick's contractions are getting kinda brutal sometimes. particularly while i'm sleeping. or trying to. heven't been getting much sleep lately between the cramps and the overactive bladder. things like that make me wan tto get it over sooner... double ugh. oh well. just gotta get through the weekend and then i'll be ok i think. I just feel like i'm waiting... i hate waiting. nothing i can do really. especially when i can't stand being on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time.