um... have i entered the twilight zone?
So fun story....
well i've been talking to Paul again, which i'm sure i've mentioned. But i was worried about telling my mother. So Friday i told her i was going to meet up with him to talk. Which wasn't a lie, we did. but i just left out that we had been tlaking for a while. anyways, she wasn't happy about it but seemsed supportive.
It ended up being a really good talk. He even hinted at maybe giving things another shot... i dunno about all that. I mean, part of me wants to jump at it. but then i'm like "are you friggin stupid?! ugh!" although, he did also say something that pissed me off. He wanted me to start censoring my livejournals. so that Jacquie couldn't read them. but i figure, if she reads something here she doesn't like it's her own stupid fault. I mean, if she has to go out of her way to read these stupid things, and then she gets upseet because of something she read, it's her own stupid fault. Same goes for anyone else who gets bent outa shape for anything they read here. It's like the whole Randi thing all over agian. anyways.. all of that aside i was feeling a lot better about things. That is until my mom got home.
I told her how i wanted Paul involved in the baby's life and wanted him in the delivery room when the baby is born etc. Well... then she spins off about how i'm so ungreatful and she's been bending over backwards to take care of things for me and it's such a huge slap in the face to let him be a part of this child's life after he contributed nothing but sperm.
ok, yes, he's a bastard. he did a lot of shitty things. and didn't want to help at all, yes,i'm pretty fuckin pissed about that too.i mean he dumped me and the baby for what?? so he could be with Jacquie? yep. that's horrible. but he's admitted he was wrong and now he wants to make things right. Shouldn't he? i mean, He should step up. And if he's gonna, i'm not gonna stop him. I'm not gonna use the baby to hurt him. and be like "well you were a slimy bastard, so no baby for you!" i've seen that happen too many times, and it's ridiculous. I'm not saying he's got a get-out-of-jail-free card or anything. I'm just saying i'm giving him the chance to prove himself.
Anyways... my mom says to me "well, i'm done. i've washed my hands of you. get your shit together and get out. and don't ask me for anything more."
Alright. so i start going through the motions to get packed up and ready to get out of here and then she asks me why?
the past few days it's been like friday never happened. like she never said anything at all. I don;t know what to make of it. i mean.. she didn't appologize or anything so it';s not like she didn;t mean what she said... but she's been overly nice. Maybe because she hurt her back and has been off of work? i don't know.
At least i'm getting out finally... one way or another.
well i've been talking to Paul again, which i'm sure i've mentioned. But i was worried about telling my mother. So Friday i told her i was going to meet up with him to talk. Which wasn't a lie, we did. but i just left out that we had been tlaking for a while. anyways, she wasn't happy about it but seemsed supportive.
It ended up being a really good talk. He even hinted at maybe giving things another shot... i dunno about all that. I mean, part of me wants to jump at it. but then i'm like "are you friggin stupid?! ugh!" although, he did also say something that pissed me off. He wanted me to start censoring my livejournals. so that Jacquie couldn't read them. but i figure, if she reads something here she doesn't like it's her own stupid fault. I mean, if she has to go out of her way to read these stupid things, and then she gets upseet because of something she read, it's her own stupid fault. Same goes for anyone else who gets bent outa shape for anything they read here. It's like the whole Randi thing all over agian. anyways.. all of that aside i was feeling a lot better about things. That is until my mom got home.
I told her how i wanted Paul involved in the baby's life and wanted him in the delivery room when the baby is born etc. Well... then she spins off about how i'm so ungreatful and she's been bending over backwards to take care of things for me and it's such a huge slap in the face to let him be a part of this child's life after he contributed nothing but sperm.
ok, yes, he's a bastard. he did a lot of shitty things. and didn't want to help at all, yes,i'm pretty fuckin pissed about that too.i mean he dumped me and the baby for what?? so he could be with Jacquie? yep. that's horrible. but he's admitted he was wrong and now he wants to make things right. Shouldn't he? i mean, He should step up. And if he's gonna, i'm not gonna stop him. I'm not gonna use the baby to hurt him. and be like "well you were a slimy bastard, so no baby for you!" i've seen that happen too many times, and it's ridiculous. I'm not saying he's got a get-out-of-jail-free card or anything. I'm just saying i'm giving him the chance to prove himself.
Anyways... my mom says to me "well, i'm done. i've washed my hands of you. get your shit together and get out. and don't ask me for anything more."
Alright. so i start going through the motions to get packed up and ready to get out of here and then she asks me why?
the past few days it's been like friday never happened. like she never said anything at all. I don;t know what to make of it. i mean.. she didn't appologize or anything so it';s not like she didn;t mean what she said... but she's been overly nice. Maybe because she hurt her back and has been off of work? i don't know.
At least i'm getting out finally... one way or another.