(no subject)
She has a knack of writing things on tumblr that are more than likely directed at me, but I can never be too sure (But I pretty much am.) that confuse the living fuck out of me.
I love you too much to give you me
because i know me.and am the last thing you need
trust me
is what she wrote about an hour ago. If that's not directed toward me, I don't know who it would be for.
So I, in turn, write
I'm a firm believer in gut feelings and such, but you never know until you try, right?
Because trying something and having it not work is not nearly as bad as passing up something that has the possibility of being wonderful.
I've personally been going crazy since Saturday night, it's pretty ridiculous actually.
Every time I think of anything that happened on that night, I feel like I've been jabbed in the chest, but it's a good feeling.
But then I get to thinking, what if that was just that? just a kiss, all it's ever gonna be. is it? And that's when my gut feels like it's been kicked through, and that is definitely not a good feeling. (Then I end up bouncing back and forth between Maybe we can make this work, I will try my damn hardest and Hah? Me? Why would something I want to work out actually work out? and stress myself out and overthink things and feel like crap.)
I've learned a few pieces to the puzzle over the past days, which makes me feel like I'm at a crime scene and everything is finally coming together and making sense and it makes me happy and I just cannot wait to see her again to continue this.
- one of our friends had a clear crush on me (oi vey, lol) in the middle of the year, Taylor apparently told her not to go after me, that she claimed me as hers, even though we were nowhere near what we even are now (which i'm not even sure what that is.)
- i was talking to the friend on friday, or something, and we ended up talking about relationships and how i've never kissed anyone/been kissed, and just thought that was that.
- she apparently texted Taylor and asked if she'd be mad if she (the friend) kissed me, because she subconsciously knew it would make her kiss me sometime (that sometime turned out to be fucking Satruday)
- i also learned that Taylor talks about me to the friend a lot (like I talk about Taylor to the friend)
- i'm probably overthinking the fuck out of all of this, but whatever.
But then she goes and says that (the above that she wrote on tumblr), and it totally negates everything that I've been told and I'm just left sittin' here confused as fuck.
Do I continue to try, even though I know she'll say the same thing again, or just give up?
I sometimes wish I could be that person who goes "look, I rarely get what I want with things like this, and usually let them go and end up regretting it, but this time I'm not going to. Everything I feel when I'm with you is exactly what I want, exactly what I need in someone, and I know you feel it too.'" and actually make a move because I just know deep inside that it could fuckin' work. It really could.
And here's the part of the blog (^) where I just go in circles telling myself it would work.
but why would she kiss me if she felt nothing? does that even make sense? and the hand holding, and the goofy shit we were doing in the car? and godfuckingdamnitihatefeelingsandemotion.
I love you too much to give you me
because i know me.and am the last thing you need
trust me
is what she wrote about an hour ago. If that's not directed toward me, I don't know who it would be for.
So I, in turn, write
I'm a firm believer in gut feelings and such, but you never know until you try, right?
Because trying something and having it not work is not nearly as bad as passing up something that has the possibility of being wonderful.
I've personally been going crazy since Saturday night, it's pretty ridiculous actually.
Every time I think of anything that happened on that night, I feel like I've been jabbed in the chest, but it's a good feeling.
But then I get to thinking, what if that was just that? just a kiss, all it's ever gonna be. is it? And that's when my gut feels like it's been kicked through, and that is definitely not a good feeling. (Then I end up bouncing back and forth between Maybe we can make this work, I will try my damn hardest and Hah? Me? Why would something I want to work out actually work out? and stress myself out and overthink things and feel like crap.)
I've learned a few pieces to the puzzle over the past days, which makes me feel like I'm at a crime scene and everything is finally coming together and making sense and it makes me happy and I just cannot wait to see her again to continue this.
- one of our friends had a clear crush on me (oi vey, lol) in the middle of the year, Taylor apparently told her not to go after me, that she claimed me as hers, even though we were nowhere near what we even are now (which i'm not even sure what that is.)
- i was talking to the friend on friday, or something, and we ended up talking about relationships and how i've never kissed anyone/been kissed, and just thought that was that.
- she apparently texted Taylor and asked if she'd be mad if she (the friend) kissed me, because she subconsciously knew it would make her kiss me sometime (that sometime turned out to be fucking Satruday)
- i also learned that Taylor talks about me to the friend a lot (like I talk about Taylor to the friend)
- i'm probably overthinking the fuck out of all of this, but whatever.
But then she goes and says that (the above that she wrote on tumblr), and it totally negates everything that I've been told and I'm just left sittin' here confused as fuck.
Do I continue to try, even though I know she'll say the same thing again, or just give up?
I sometimes wish I could be that person who goes "look, I rarely get what I want with things like this, and usually let them go and end up regretting it, but this time I'm not going to. Everything I feel when I'm with you is exactly what I want, exactly what I need in someone, and I know you feel it too.'" and actually make a move because I just know deep inside that it could fuckin' work. It really could.
And here's the part of the blog (^) where I just go in circles telling myself it would work.
but why would she kiss me if she felt nothing? does that even make sense? and the hand holding, and the goofy shit we were doing in the car? and godfuckingdamnitihatefeelingsandemotion.