God, kill me now.

[sixfootwood]

Oh God....oh....oh God I think I just threw up in Percy's stash of mistletoe. Anything the least bit green and....*urp* herby-looking has me a bit skittish. I'm not.....entirely sure what went on last night. I know I ate seven twinkies and if the taste of my mouth is any indication, several small woodland animals?

{Private to Sirius "Get Oliver

Comments

[Private to Oliver "Fucking Lightweight" Wood]

[slobberymongrel]

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA. I would tell you you didnt do any of that, but that would be lying, and Im nothing if not an honorable man. Do you remember what we did with that mailbox?? And that little old lady loved every damn second of it, make no mistake. Have you got my trousers?? Black, bit raggedy, last seen on the grass [HAHA] of the Finnegan's backyard?? I remember something about a tribal raindance, and trying to build a bonfire, but mostly just lots of things that are funny when one is naked.

Last night was fucking brilliant, mate. You're still trashed? Lightweight. Im already ready for another round. Stuck at sodding work at the mo, though. You need some pepper-up?? You sound a wreck. Thought you were a partyboy, Wood?

{Private to Sirius "had better know where my fucking broom went" Black)

[sixfootwood]

HEY NOW!!! Don't mock a man in the throes of death by Gillyweed!! Have some respect for the DYING MAN! Pisser. I USED TO BE!! All this soft living, DAMMIT--plus, that was some of that damnable Irish hash Seamus conjures up. I swear. Feeling much peppier now that I've had a bit of a nap. Percy seems to be acting....odder than usual today. I hope I didn't try to molest him in his maiden-bed last night. God, I would have, too.

THE RAINDANCE WAS REAL!! MWAHAHAHAH!!! I distinctly remember YOU trying your hand at latin and sending me laughing for an hour straight. Did we slaughter that pheasant ourselves for the feathers? I hope not. DID WE EVER FIND HELGA?! That wasn't the little old lady was it?

[Private to Oliver "Last saw it between your english arse cheeks" Wood]

[slobberymongrel]

Dying man? PAH. PAH. Dramatics and falsehoods. And stop blaming the Irish for everything. Your 'soft living' has made you an absolutely domesticated lightweight, and thats all that there is to it. Im making it my new goal in life to trash you utterly at least once or twice a week. If your ridiculous little coach or whathaveyou catches you, tell him you're my Good Friend and you'll be fine.

Molesting? Yes, you must have. How terribly awkward of course, as he is Not That Way. These things happen, though, cant be helped. He'll get over it.

Of course the raindance was Real. Would've worked too, if we'd known where our legs were. And it wasnt LATIN, it was ROMANIAN, you utter plebe. Though it was a bit funny. We killed pheasant?? Oh, god. I dont think we did, mate, I think Padfoot did. I find it a bit funny Im likely the one with a mauled wild bird in my stomach and you're the one wharking. HAR HAR!!

Who the fuck is Helga??

Re: [Private to Oliver "Last saw it between your english arse cheeks" Wood]

[sixfootwood]

Wasn't that who we were after, Helga? It was a woman, that much I recall. I think we tried several and gave up on that bit. SEAMUS IS TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING BAD EVERYWHERE. No offence, mate. Old Devilgills knows about my "friends"...best not tell him you're one of them. You need more friends, not enemies, Sirius.

He is terribly Not That Way. Unashamedly Not That Way. Definitely Not That Third Way Either. That would be too too much. He's pissed at me regardless, but I don't think I impinged upon his virtue.

Actually I think it was more likely something you MADE UP YOU WANKER--there were vowels where vowels should NEVER BE, I tell you. A travesty.

*urps* ugh, you ate a pheasant, Sirius. You ATE A PHEASANT. Then force me to decorate myself with it's carcass. You are the best kind of friend. Percy hates me now, though. I may need to rethink Operation See How Not That Way Percy is.(tm)

Re: [Private to Oliver "Last saw it between your english arse cheeks" Wood]

[slobberymongrel]

Are you saying I cant bully your bossman about to my liking with my name/fame/money?! What sort of fellow IS this Devilgills bloke??

Why the hell is he pissed at you?? None of his ruddy buisness if you want to get completely off your face and frolic around naked with your mate Sirius Black in some culchie Irish town. I think Operation See How Not That Way Percy Is [tm] should be continued with Full Speed a Fucking Head.

Eh, Ive eaten worse. And less organic. A pheasant wont cause major bowel distress. I ate a kazoo as Padfoot once, passing THAT wasnt the best experience of my life. Last full moon I ate half a box of toilet paper. I was coughing up soggy Charmin glops for ages. BUT ANYWAY. I didnt force you to decorate yourself with its carcass, you were quite happy to do so on your own.

Uhhh. Speaking of. Er. Things-you-shouldnt-put-in-your-mouth. I think I found your broom.

Re: [Private to Oliver "Fucking Lightweight" Wood]

[sixfootwood]

AS for your trousers, Oh, I've got them. A bit tight across the thigh, really. I think we have photos for the calendar, I've got a full caniser ot film to be developed. I shudder to think what we have recorded. SHUDDER, I say.

Re: [Private to Oliver "Fucking Lightweight" Wood]

[slobberymongrel]

You're wearing my trousers?? Thatd be weird if I wasnt pretty sure we did a lot of naked bonding and hugging last night. And they're supposed to be snug, else whats the point?

Theres PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE?? Shit! By any chance, do you know the Befuddlement Charm that you can set to objects and tweak to Befuddle only certain people, like, say, authorities of the law, etc etc??