gay panic
I love being gay. I love women, I love being a part of a community like the LGBTQetc comm. I love those who support said community, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. I do not wish I were straight, because even though it's a tiny part of me, being gay has changed me. I am a different person because I have grown up and accepted myself as a 22 year old lesbian in the 21st century. While I think that being a lesbian is one of the LEAST important parts of me, I cannot deny it, and will never write it off nor sit aside while my fellow gays/whathaveyous and straighties band together to fight the good fight.
That being said, goddamn do I hate being gay. I hate it because I, myself, am hated for no reason. I am hated because I was simply born into a place where archaic, religion-fueled ideals rule over common sense, compassion, morality, and acceptance. I am all for religion, despite my lack of it. I am all for religion's place in society and I will never tell anyone what they can and can't believe in. I encourage this freedom and I am so thankful that our society is a place where we can be any religion under the sun (unless you're Muslim in America, just a joke, heh...). In turn, despite mine and MANY of the community's acceptance and embracing of religious freedom, those same people tell ME what I can and can't do with my body. Those same people CONTROL my body and my rights by not allowing me to get married, to have the same financial benefits, to adopt in certain areas, to walk down the street without fear of ridicule. Some kids kill themselves because they are gay. Some kids get killed because they are gay. I live in a country where we pride ourselves on freedom, being greater than the "savages" in less developed countries, and let us not forget that it is 2012. Thousands of years of society in which we have cognitive ability, in which we have societies that are complex and full of life, and inventive, and so full and thriving. I live in AMERICA. And yet, I am a second class citizen. I do not have equal rights as the majority of the population. I cannot openly express my love for someone I love just because they also happen to have a vagina. I live in the self-proclaimed greatest country in the world where the only way to have rights is to be a white, cis-male, middle-class, straight person. But I digress.
I just...don't get it. It's so frustrating that some days I can only burst into tears at the mere thought and digestion that I am hated by people I don't even know. That if I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people, that I will be threatened or even have my life taken from me because I was born a way that our society refuses to accept. I am not going to fully blame religion, because I don't think it's fair. Sure, 99.99999% of this comes from religions of all kinds, and the spreading of vapid ideals without substantiated claims, but where this differs is the issue of humanity. The issue of morality. How can you look another human being in the eye with disgust because they aren't exactly like you? Our society has such a great fear of the unknown that it's crippling our society into a hated, ridiculed, judged mass of land with masses of people who actually vote for people like Michelle Bachmann or Rick Perry/Santorum. It is wrong to hate another person because they like dick or vag in the simplest and most human of all levels: HUMANITY. Be a fucking human, be a person with thoughts and feelings and just let me breathe without you having to come in and quash my basic rights.
I think being gay is totally fucking normal. I think being nonwhite is normal (I would hope others do too, wtf). I think being a third or fourth or fifth or non-gender is normal. I think that every walk of life in our society is normal. The problem with our society is the "opposite" system, where the opposite of the norm is bad. Being straight is normal, therefore being gay/whathaveyou is bad. Being white is normal (I can't believe racism STILL exists [or that it ever has], but that's for another day) therefore being nonwhite is not. They're called minorities. We're called minorities. This opposite system is the bane of my existence, not because it causes me to be a lesser human being in my society, but because it is so fucking close minded. It immediately closes off any multi-faceted society because of its perpetual cycle of good/bad. It's like in feminism - we don't want men and women to be opposites. You cannot be opposite and equal, just like you cannot be separate and equal. We can't have more than one norm in our current society, because of -insert reason here-. If we could/did, then being gay would be just as normal as being straight. It has nothing to do with the amount of gays out there, the amount of anything. It has to do with the peoples' ACCEPTANCE of another norm. We cannot live in this system of opposites and binaries any longer. It is killing us, sometimes literally.
It doesn't have to be puppies and rainbows and kittens and sugar. I don't want everything to be sugary sweet and nice, because this is reality. Obviously, there are a lot of awful, awful things in this world. I don't want anything special. I simply want to be accepted, NOT "tolerated," at the same amount I do others. Until we gain reasons to truly dislike someone or disrespect them, it's immoral, unfair, and unfuckingChristian to deny me my rights, to personally attack me for simply holding a girl's hand. It's unAmerican for me to sit in this shitty state and have the right to vote and have the right to serve my country (just recently! jesus christ!) but not let me walk down the aisle, even in a secular environment. But that's really not the main issue, marriage and whatnot. I simply want our country to live up to its propaganda. America's great, sure. I love most parts of living here, and the parts I don't are all directly involved with human rights issues (gay, race, and gender related). But I cannot thrive in a place where I have no rights. How do you expect our community to make an impact in society when we have no legal voice? How do you expect our community to fully love our society when our society hates us?
Oh. Oh god. It just doesn't make any sense. I am at a loss for words after having spewed out so many and I still feel like I haven't adequately expressed myself. This is probably because our society's situation lacks reason. I don't know what it is, but I'll continue to be horrified until something changes. I wish I'd stop taking it so personally, but I kind of have a heart and whatnot, unlike most of those who wish I would burn in hell.
That being said, goddamn do I hate being gay. I hate it because I, myself, am hated for no reason. I am hated because I was simply born into a place where archaic, religion-fueled ideals rule over common sense, compassion, morality, and acceptance. I am all for religion, despite my lack of it. I am all for religion's place in society and I will never tell anyone what they can and can't believe in. I encourage this freedom and I am so thankful that our society is a place where we can be any religion under the sun (unless you're Muslim in America, just a joke, heh...). In turn, despite mine and MANY of the community's acceptance and embracing of religious freedom, those same people tell ME what I can and can't do with my body. Those same people CONTROL my body and my rights by not allowing me to get married, to have the same financial benefits, to adopt in certain areas, to walk down the street without fear of ridicule. Some kids kill themselves because they are gay. Some kids get killed because they are gay. I live in a country where we pride ourselves on freedom, being greater than the "savages" in less developed countries, and let us not forget that it is 2012. Thousands of years of society in which we have cognitive ability, in which we have societies that are complex and full of life, and inventive, and so full and thriving. I live in AMERICA. And yet, I am a second class citizen. I do not have equal rights as the majority of the population. I cannot openly express my love for someone I love just because they also happen to have a vagina. I live in the self-proclaimed greatest country in the world where the only way to have rights is to be a white, cis-male, middle-class, straight person. But I digress.
I just...don't get it. It's so frustrating that some days I can only burst into tears at the mere thought and digestion that I am hated by people I don't even know. That if I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, with the wrong people, that I will be threatened or even have my life taken from me because I was born a way that our society refuses to accept. I am not going to fully blame religion, because I don't think it's fair. Sure, 99.99999% of this comes from religions of all kinds, and the spreading of vapid ideals without substantiated claims, but where this differs is the issue of humanity. The issue of morality. How can you look another human being in the eye with disgust because they aren't exactly like you? Our society has such a great fear of the unknown that it's crippling our society into a hated, ridiculed, judged mass of land with masses of people who actually vote for people like Michelle Bachmann or Rick Perry/Santorum. It is wrong to hate another person because they like dick or vag in the simplest and most human of all levels: HUMANITY. Be a fucking human, be a person with thoughts and feelings and just let me breathe without you having to come in and quash my basic rights.
I think being gay is totally fucking normal. I think being nonwhite is normal (I would hope others do too, wtf). I think being a third or fourth or fifth or non-gender is normal. I think that every walk of life in our society is normal. The problem with our society is the "opposite" system, where the opposite of the norm is bad. Being straight is normal, therefore being gay/whathaveyou is bad. Being white is normal (I can't believe racism STILL exists [or that it ever has], but that's for another day) therefore being nonwhite is not. They're called minorities. We're called minorities. This opposite system is the bane of my existence, not because it causes me to be a lesser human being in my society, but because it is so fucking close minded. It immediately closes off any multi-faceted society because of its perpetual cycle of good/bad. It's like in feminism - we don't want men and women to be opposites. You cannot be opposite and equal, just like you cannot be separate and equal. We can't have more than one norm in our current society, because of -insert reason here-. If we could/did, then being gay would be just as normal as being straight. It has nothing to do with the amount of gays out there, the amount of anything. It has to do with the peoples' ACCEPTANCE of another norm. We cannot live in this system of opposites and binaries any longer. It is killing us, sometimes literally.
It doesn't have to be puppies and rainbows and kittens and sugar. I don't want everything to be sugary sweet and nice, because this is reality. Obviously, there are a lot of awful, awful things in this world. I don't want anything special. I simply want to be accepted, NOT "tolerated," at the same amount I do others. Until we gain reasons to truly dislike someone or disrespect them, it's immoral, unfair, and unfuckingChristian to deny me my rights, to personally attack me for simply holding a girl's hand. It's unAmerican for me to sit in this shitty state and have the right to vote and have the right to serve my country (just recently! jesus christ!) but not let me walk down the aisle, even in a secular environment. But that's really not the main issue, marriage and whatnot. I simply want our country to live up to its propaganda. America's great, sure. I love most parts of living here, and the parts I don't are all directly involved with human rights issues (gay, race, and gender related). But I cannot thrive in a place where I have no rights. How do you expect our community to make an impact in society when we have no legal voice? How do you expect our community to fully love our society when our society hates us?
Oh. Oh god. It just doesn't make any sense. I am at a loss for words after having spewed out so many and I still feel like I haven't adequately expressed myself. This is probably because our society's situation lacks reason. I don't know what it is, but I'll continue to be horrified until something changes. I wish I'd stop taking it so personally, but I kind of have a heart and whatnot, unlike most of those who wish I would burn in hell.