moon bed
I had a really wonderful night last night. I got to laugh and cry. I went to see "The Cat has 9 Ives" with some people from harkness, and it was unbelievably hilarious. I am really picky about student plays, but this was so good. I needed help handling it, because I was just thrashing about and screaming with laughter (I think perhaps some people in the audience found me pretty obnoxious, but I couldn't help it). I kept holding onto and hugging the people to the left and right of me. It put me in such a good mood. Afterwards I went to Steve's house and he was in a strange mood, which sort of rubbed mine the wrong way. He had just returned from the cleveland art museum and was disappointed by the lack of activity in his house, and said he really just wanted to go out to parties and get drunk and smoke pot, which to me seemed sort of like saying "I don't want to spend time with you" because he KNOWS drugs and alcohol simply aren't my bag. And since we hadn't done much for our wednesday anniversary, we had decided to really celebrate it on the weekend, and him going to get smashed at parties without me didn't seem like really celebrating it. Sometimes I wish I had a non-drinking, non-smoking lover. But it's not as simple as that, because I only want to be with him right now. Then he showed me the pack of cigarettes he bought to give to people when they ask if he has one, and I was thinking "woah, loser, sure most of us non-smokers fantasize about having one when people ask, but who really wants to distribute cancer sticks to our friends?" He seems to more and more be doing things just to look cool, which is something he never did when I first met him and one of the reasons I was attracted to him. I'm so frustrated by people's social costumes. So then he started acting really nuts all of a sudden and pretending to be on speed and talking like Jonathan Hirsch and holding an unlit cigarette in his mouth and he started running around the house and messing with Jon and Karim in this character and everyone was just like "oh my god, what is he doing." I understand silliness of course, but this was really just kind of disturbing. Then we had another one of our "no, seriously though" kind of talks and it was really weird and I felt like we were pretty distant and I ended up crying about how much I hate drugs and alcohol, how they steal people from me. So we ended up going to the Feve and I watched him drink Gin. Wow, this story seems really depressing so far. Well, here we go. We left the bar and were walking downtown and he said "what do you want to do now?" And I replied, "lets go have sex somewhere other than your bed." And we decided to ask Jeremie if we could sleep in his bed in the arb. He said sure but decided he was going to come with us. We were thinking hmm, let's see what happens. So he took us to the arb and through the misty paths and into a meadow of thick, tall grasses in the middle of which was this bed. It was like a photograph or a painting, this common househould object so beautifully ironically surreally out of place in the middle of a misty moonlit meadow. Suddenly the night no longer seemed so cold and we went to get blankets and slept there. We got jeremie to agree to letting just the 2 of us sleep there. It was so perfect, cuddling up warm and watching the bright moon swishing back and forth in and out of the clouds, the leafless tress standing black and naked against the sky. And we both agreed that this was our anniversary.