Trapped!
I applied to a few jobs lately, teaching jobs. There are a lot of things I like about my current job, but they all come down to basically the people and the flexibility of my work schedule. I don't much like what I do exactly.. which comes down to killing a lot of mice and checking to see if pregnant mice had pups yet. Then again, it doesn't exactly BOTHER me, but I don't feel fulfilled. And I feel like life is too short to not be happy with what you're doing. But there is little I can do about it when I'm trapped in this job. I can't quit CHOP, or I would, and become a part-time adjunct professor at a community college. I was already pretty much offered a job doing that. But they pay would be minimal, not enough to pay for Matt and I, and the benefits would be non-existent for a part time position. So we wouldn't have health care when we get married, which is not an option for me. So I would have to be offered a full time position, none of which exist, or if they do too many PhD's are applying for me to be considered (though, I still have one open application....) So I'm stuck. Stuck here in this, if anything, simply sustainable job.. not really doing what I want to do. Its depressing. I feel like my life is already being changed by being married and I'm not married yet. I wish I could make selfish decisions again.. I wish I could move home and get a teaching job at SSU or something. That would be perfect. But I will sit here and continue to kill mice and autoclave things. See, isn't it depressing?! I don't know what to do about it anymore.