(no subject)
I feel so lost.
he's mean to me for no reason. he shows complete indifference to my presence, and shows no effort in trying to fit me into his life. he demands i do things for him, his laundry, he demands i give him money, for everything. demands and demands....and refuses to give.
and when i try to stand up for myself he just gets mad, calls me a bitch, or a dramaqueen.
he picks out every flaw i have. and makes sure i'm well aware of them.
this morning he woke up before i did and got up to use the bathroom. when he came back he leaned over and gave me a kiss and said i love you. this was the first sign of any sort of caring, the first time he has kissed me without me asking for one....since i can even remember.
he'll drop everything to fly out to surprise some girl for her 21st birthday for 11 days. i can't even get him engaged in a conversation that doesn't involve him.
i don't deserve this.
and whats even worse is i can't bring myself to do anything about it.
i am a weak person.
all i want is to feel loved. needed.
maybe thats the problem. maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.
i need to break free. a fresh start. i deserve to be happy.
"as long as he brings joy into your life and makes you happy, then its all worth it."
but lately all he does is make me cry. yells at me. stresses me out. causes me pain.
i don't know how to live without him. since i was 16 years old i've had him there every single day of my life. i don't know how to get through a day alone
i cry every time i even think about it...
i'm sinking. fast.
he's mean to me for no reason. he shows complete indifference to my presence, and shows no effort in trying to fit me into his life. he demands i do things for him, his laundry, he demands i give him money, for everything. demands and demands....and refuses to give.
and when i try to stand up for myself he just gets mad, calls me a bitch, or a dramaqueen.
he picks out every flaw i have. and makes sure i'm well aware of them.
this morning he woke up before i did and got up to use the bathroom. when he came back he leaned over and gave me a kiss and said i love you. this was the first sign of any sort of caring, the first time he has kissed me without me asking for one....since i can even remember.
he'll drop everything to fly out to surprise some girl for her 21st birthday for 11 days. i can't even get him engaged in a conversation that doesn't involve him.
i don't deserve this.
and whats even worse is i can't bring myself to do anything about it.
i am a weak person.
all i want is to feel loved. needed.
maybe thats the problem. maybe he just doesn't love me anymore.
i need to break free. a fresh start. i deserve to be happy.
"as long as he brings joy into your life and makes you happy, then its all worth it."
but lately all he does is make me cry. yells at me. stresses me out. causes me pain.
i don't know how to live without him. since i was 16 years old i've had him there every single day of my life. i don't know how to get through a day alone
i cry every time i even think about it...
i'm sinking. fast.