The Vidder Poor Me Meme

[sisabet]

So, here is the deal: I am not participating in the Vidder Love Meme because I am so deep in the wells of "I Suck" thoughtitude, that I am both afraid that there will be no love for me AND (simultaneously) that any love for me will be just for me as a person by my friends or out of pity

Comments

[sdwolfpup]

I will never make a vid of any substance again. Let alone a GOOD vid of any substance. All my best days are way, WAY, WAAAAY behind me.

[sisabet]

And you are SO YOUNG TO BE SO WASHED UP!!! It is a tragedy. I feel the pain. Except my jealousy over your vids also makes me glint my eye because surely this all a cover-up. You have a masterpiece in the closet that you are hiding, right?

[heresluck]

MY SISTER.

::clings to you::

[sdwolfpup]

*clings*

Remember that post you made where you said this in response to my comment:

But one of the things that I've had to face over the last couple of years is my own dissatisfaction with the responses to those vids -- other peoples' responses, but also my own responses. For a while, every new vid I made was my favorite of my own vids, at least temporarily.I would swear this was coming from my own keyboard

[fan_eunice]

I have made *one* vid in a year and a half *and* that vid was shallow as a puddle *and* I had the idea for it and most of it mapped out after the vividcon before last so it hardly counts. I have no idea how to approach complex concepts, no clue how to utilize effects, and every time I try to start something new I only manage to get a handful of clips on the timeline before collapsing into a pit of despair. In short, I SUCK A LOT and I will never be as good as all the vidders I admire so I retreat into a bitter jealous ball of hatred.

[sisabet]

RIGHT! WE COMPLETELY SUCK!!! Except, for the past most of this year, you've been a bit consumed with something else, but you are totally right! That little thing wasn't that big of a deal or important at all and you should have been vidding. Ianto ain't gonna go to work by himself...sniff.

Also, I will never ever never enter the Vidderdome of Suck with you for I know my limits and woman, you WILL BEAT ME DOWN.

[fan_eunice]

Considering you are one of the vidders I admire so much that I regularly devolve into bitter hatred and jealousy towards on account of how much you don't suck I SHOULD HOPE I WOULD BEAT YOU DOWN. You're just lucky I haven't poisoned your food at Vividcon yet.

[sisabet]

Dude, I KNOW you won't poison my food, cause you dislike change and then who would be your roommate?

And sometimes I am bitter and hatefilled and jealous about you! OH YES I AM SHE WHO STARTS PREMIERE VID SHOWS AND SECOND HALVES!!!

[crickets]

Thanks for posting this. I was really feeling left out of the fold.

Why I Suck and Possibly Have Never Not Sucked, Parts, A, B, C, & D:

• I haven't completed a video in over a year and a half.
• This year during VVC I swore off even watching vids because I didn't want to disturb my muse. I was finally working on a new vid. Which I promptly stopped working on.
• (And I still haven't gotten around to watching those VVC vids, which just makes me a Bad Community Member.)
• The more time that passes since my last (final?) vid, the less I like any of my old videos. This has become my inner-monologue: "Listen, dumb-dumb, you were never even any good in the first place. It's no real loss."

[sisabet]

IT IS LIKE A FUCKING MIRROR!!

I hate watching other vids which really sucks because I love watching other vids. Does that make any sense at all???

And sometimes it is painful to rewatch vids that I once was really proud of. Icebound Stream makes me wince now.

[crickets]

I hate watching other vids which really sucks because I love watching other vids. Does that make any sense at all???

Um, YES. I totally know what you mean. I am behind that sentiment 100 percent. Especially the part where it sucks, sucks, sucks!

And about re-watching vids. I guess that's always an internal point of contention anyway cause you're always going to find something you could have done better. But when you haven't done this in a while it's even worse. For several reasons. Sometimes I can't even remember making the vids. I'm sure someone else was doing it, not me.

[sisabet]

I reread some commentary I had written several years ago about a vid and it felt so alien. It was like, yeah, someone else had done that!

[nestra]

Why doesn't anyone ever do this for writers? WHINE.

[sisabet]

BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS FOR WRITERS!! WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDR...ER, I MEAN VIDDERS???

[nestra]

wah.

[jackiekjono]

I am stuck stuck stuck on my Festivid vid. The character I most want to include is even more significantly underused in the show than I thought she was - and she got dumped by the bastard she was seeing 2 eps into season two and replaced by a deeply stupid blonde chick. I mean, she was so loyal and devoted! She would have done anything for him!

Men! I mean you have to expect that with a lot of them but I expected better from Character X (Don't want to give it away.)

Also - I had to take my mother Black Friday shopping while Frankenleg was acting up. I stood outside in the freezing cold at 3:30 in the morning and fought off other shoppers with my cane. It was pretty pathetic.

Also - George is mad at me because he has only gotten to the dog park once this week and Morty wasn't even there then. No one ever thinks of George!

[jackiekjono]

Sorry! I skipped the important part - If I were a better vidder, I would know how to solve my first problem so that taking time out for my family and my little muffin pup would not be hard. If I were a better vidder, my mother would think my vids were interesting and wouldn't see them as a collosal waste of all of the time she could be shopping.

And considering all the time I spend sitting at the computer listening to podcasts when I should be throwing things at a timeline, just -ARAAAAARRRRARRRRGGGGGGG!
I really really really wish I didn't suck so much.

[sisabet]

I showed my parents Women's Work and they wanted to know why I couldn't make nicer vids like that Golddigger one.