"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright.

"Imagine how thick Japanese people’s photo albums must be ( Read more... )

I know I'm probably not supposed to, and it's getting a little out-of-date, but here are some quotes about the Clintons that I've not seen before and thought were very revealing (and funny).- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents ( Read more... )

( This is long but worth it! )

"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone." (Wright ( Read more... )

"Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!" (Carlin ( Read more... )

Push that Car
A man pushed his car. He stopped when he reached a hotel at which point he knew he was bankrupt.
Why?

The Man in the Pawn Shop 
A man walks into a pawn shop and asks the clerk for a glass of water. The clerk pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out.
Explain.

The Coal, Carrot and Scarf
Five pieces of coal, a carrot and a scarf are lying on the lawn. Nobody put them on the lawn but there is a perfectly logical reason why they should be there. What is it?