This is sure to bother some people. *Opinion Alert*
"I love you"
I have noticed that some people are using this phrase in their dating/courting relationships. This is not new, and young dating couples have said this phrase to one another for many generations. Some of us look forward to the day that we can find someone to utter this phrase to. For some of us, that time has come. You have found that person. You are finally "in love", so it seems to be a perfectly right thing to say to that person who is the object of your love. So, please consider these thoughts. Just consider. I'm not going to say it's a sin to say "I love you" to your "date", so don't turn me off yet.
What is love?
We hear about it on TV & movies as we grow up. We hear our friends/siblings talking about it. We wonder if one day it will "happen" to us.
Then, at some point, it does! The magical attraction of that certain person across the classroom. Just thinking about that person, or being in the same room, gives the butterflies in your tummy a stir. There is nothing else important anymore. You anticipate the next time together, the next IM, the next phone call. The feeling is simply wonderful, like nothing you've ever experienced before.
I know, It happened to me in seventh grade. But was that true love?
Here are some common misconceptions on what love is.
1. Physical attraction
2. Infatuation (being in-love with being in-love)
3. Emotional gratification (filling a need or void)
4. Bonding (shared experiences)
All these happen, and ARE the mechanisms for attracting two people together, but if you BASE a relationship on these things ALONE, it is destined to fail.
Here's why...
1. There will always be someone more attractive.
2. If you just love the feeling of being in-love, then when that feeling goes away with one person, you try to find it in another.
3. If you are allowing someone to fill an emotional void, then they will never be able to completely accomplish that task that only God can do. Disappointment results
4. Bonding creates a close attachment between two people that by itself can last, but can be recreated if bonding happens again later. This is a big reason for most adultery.
So what is love?
It's God's kind of love. It's an ACTION (an act of the will) that does NOT depend on the attractiveness or merit of the one who is loved.
God's kind of love does not have SELF as it's object. Every other kind of love does!
That's why the phrase "I love You" can be confusing and/or manipulative. Nobody knows what it means, so it's used as the "glue" hold a relationship together. For example, "I love you so I'm committed to you." So whenever this person falls OUT of love, the commitment ends. So as long as the person is saying "I love you" then things are OK. If that person quits saying that, then ON NO! that person must not love me anymore.
True commitment comes, when two people speak vows in front of witnesses, to love (sacrificially) one another as long as they both live.
There is no true commitment in ANY OTHER type of pre-marital relationship. If you lead someone to believe that you are committed to them without this, then you are giving that person a false promise. This is especially wrong, in my opinion, when there is no intention of marriage.
"I love you"
It is my opinion, that in a dating/courting context, this phrase is a very special one that people who are committed to each other (for life) should say to each other. Please, consider NOT using this expression if you are dating/courting. It feels right, but it's not necessary, it's confusing, and at worst, it's manipulative.
My wife and I did not ever tell each other "I love you" until after we were married. The phrase now has much more meaning and specialness, than it would have if we had been saying it all along. It should, in my opinion, be just as special as any other thing that we "wait" for.
* This is based on a combination of my opinion and things that I've learned. It's not meant to cast judgement on anyone. It was placed here for your benefit and consideration. Thanks for reading.
OF COURSE, COMMENTS ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED.
I have noticed that some people are using this phrase in their dating/courting relationships. This is not new, and young dating couples have said this phrase to one another for many generations. Some of us look forward to the day that we can find someone to utter this phrase to. For some of us, that time has come. You have found that person. You are finally "in love", so it seems to be a perfectly right thing to say to that person who is the object of your love. So, please consider these thoughts. Just consider. I'm not going to say it's a sin to say "I love you" to your "date", so don't turn me off yet.
What is love?
We hear about it on TV & movies as we grow up. We hear our friends/siblings talking about it. We wonder if one day it will "happen" to us.
Then, at some point, it does! The magical attraction of that certain person across the classroom. Just thinking about that person, or being in the same room, gives the butterflies in your tummy a stir. There is nothing else important anymore. You anticipate the next time together, the next IM, the next phone call. The feeling is simply wonderful, like nothing you've ever experienced before.
I know, It happened to me in seventh grade. But was that true love?
Here are some common misconceptions on what love is.
1. Physical attraction
2. Infatuation (being in-love with being in-love)
3. Emotional gratification (filling a need or void)
4. Bonding (shared experiences)
All these happen, and ARE the mechanisms for attracting two people together, but if you BASE a relationship on these things ALONE, it is destined to fail.
Here's why...
1. There will always be someone more attractive.
2. If you just love the feeling of being in-love, then when that feeling goes away with one person, you try to find it in another.
3. If you are allowing someone to fill an emotional void, then they will never be able to completely accomplish that task that only God can do. Disappointment results
4. Bonding creates a close attachment between two people that by itself can last, but can be recreated if bonding happens again later. This is a big reason for most adultery.
So what is love?
It's God's kind of love. It's an ACTION (an act of the will) that does NOT depend on the attractiveness or merit of the one who is loved.
God's kind of love does not have SELF as it's object. Every other kind of love does!
That's why the phrase "I love You" can be confusing and/or manipulative. Nobody knows what it means, so it's used as the "glue" hold a relationship together. For example, "I love you so I'm committed to you." So whenever this person falls OUT of love, the commitment ends. So as long as the person is saying "I love you" then things are OK. If that person quits saying that, then ON NO! that person must not love me anymore.
True commitment comes, when two people speak vows in front of witnesses, to love (sacrificially) one another as long as they both live.
There is no true commitment in ANY OTHER type of pre-marital relationship. If you lead someone to believe that you are committed to them without this, then you are giving that person a false promise. This is especially wrong, in my opinion, when there is no intention of marriage.
"I love you"
It is my opinion, that in a dating/courting context, this phrase is a very special one that people who are committed to each other (for life) should say to each other. Please, consider NOT using this expression if you are dating/courting. It feels right, but it's not necessary, it's confusing, and at worst, it's manipulative.
My wife and I did not ever tell each other "I love you" until after we were married. The phrase now has much more meaning and specialness, than it would have if we had been saying it all along. It should, in my opinion, be just as special as any other thing that we "wait" for.
* This is based on a combination of my opinion and things that I've learned. It's not meant to cast judgement on anyone. It was placed here for your benefit and consideration. Thanks for reading.
OF COURSE, COMMENTS ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGED.