Justin "JewWario" Carmical
April 11, 1971 ~ January 23, 2014
♥ ♥ ♥
As some of you know, one of my favorite things to do is watch videos at
That Guy With the Glasses (TGWTG). It's a website where internet reviewers get together and collaborate on all sorts of videos and projects. JewWario was one of my favorite contributors on the site, continuing even after he left it last year to concentrate on his own site,
You Can Play This. He concentrated mainly on reviewing video games, especially those imported from Japan.
This past Saturday, his wife, Jenny announced that Justin had committed suicide on Thursday. I...still don't even know what to say about that. What is there to say? I've never "known" anyone who committed suicide before. I don't know if simply watching his videos and being a fan of his would even constitute "knowing" him. Even so, I have never been personally affected by suicide before in my life, and to say that this has shocked and saddened me to my core would be an understatement. I cried all day Saturday when I found out, pushed it away yesterday when I had to go to work, and now I'm back to crying off and on again.
To explain just how much this site and its reviewers mean to me, I'm going to take you back four and a half years. I was first introduced to this site during one of the most difficult times of my life - after my mother was hospitalized due to a heart attack, but before she subsequently passed away on June 29, 2009. I felt disconnected from and disinterested in a lot of things (which I'm beginning to feel again due to this recent turn of events, and I hate it). But oh god, I'll never forget when someone online suggested I watch a video over at TGWTG. It was the first time in weeks where I felt something, where I actually was able to forget about the problems with my mother for a little bit and laugh.
It was almost like a high that lasted for the duration of the video. As soon as it was over, I went looking through the rest of the site, desperately watching anything that caught my interest, and thankfully, there was a lot. Many of contributors had dozens, even hundreds of videos, and I hungrily watched them, wanting to get lost in the happiness and humor that they brought me. This went on for a long time - two years after my mother's passing - where I would spend my days going through older videos, waiting for anything new to pop up, and rewatching my favorites over and over again.
It got me through some dark days. Sometimes when I didn't even know how to function or how to even get through each day, these videos gave me a bit of a purpose. Because I had to see next week's videos to see how this storyline would play out, or to see how that review would go. They truly kept me going until that dark cloud started to lift during the summer of 2011. Two years spent feeling like I was at the end of my rope, and I have this website to thank for pulling me through.
Like I was, JewWario was always one of my favorites, not only for the content of his videos (he was the original Nintendo fanboy), but because he seemed like such a genuinely nice guy. He has an air about him that is just so comfortable and it always made me feel safe when I watched his content. A lot - no, all - of his friends are saying the same thing now, so I know it wasn't just me. He had a way of making you feel like he was talking directly to you and that you were important. He would take time to talk and interact with his fans, something that many people don't have the time for, and he always made each fan feel like they were the most important person on the earth. Just telling him that you enjoyed his videos, he would be so happy and enthusiastic, not like you were just "another fan". And something that always made me feel warm and fuzzy - he referred to everyone he interacted with as his "friend". Regardless of how well he knew you or didn't know you, you were his friend and he appreciated you. He was just such a wonderful, caring, genuine person, and there really aren't enough people like him on this planet. And it was definitely better for having him here for the short time we did.
I am definitely better for having been a fan of his. His videos, along with those of several others truly saved my life. I honestly don't know where I would be right now if I hadn't stumbled upon this website when I did, because it was my saving grace. He saved me, he helped me without even knowing it.
And it just kills me, kills a lot of people knowing what he chose to do. Just seeing the outpouring of support from all of his friends and fans right now is overwhelming. His friends keep saying that they had no idea that he was struggling so much, and if he had only said something, they would have done anything they could have. Even the support from the fans is unbelievable. They set up a
fundraiser originally to help his best friend fly to Colorado for his funeral, but when it surpassed what she needed, she asked for the rest to be donated to his family to help with final expenses. As of this posting, it's nearly to $8,000.
If he had just asked for help...I don't know if he knew just how many people would have dropped everything in an instant to help him. I know that when you're caught up in depression, you often can't see that there are people around who love you and who are willing and ready to help you. He certainly had that and...he might not have known just how many people loved him and cared for him (to varying degrees, because I'm not going to pretend I know what any of his close friends are going through).
But like I said, this fandom is amazing me right now, friends and fans alike. Everyone, regardless of much or how little they knew him, is truly pulling together and helping each other through this, and I am so proud to be a part of this fandom right now. I wish, of course, that this hadn't happened, but I am overwhelmed with the reactions from everyone. This fandom isn't without its fair share of drama (and it still isn't, because some people are still assholes), but for the most part, it's such a tightknit and amazing place right now.
Everyone keeps saying how this doesn't make any sense, because no one had any idea at all that he was struggling let alone having such a difficult time that he would think this was his last option. He was just one of those people that's always there for everyone else. The stories people are sharing about what Justin did for them whenever they needed help is just awe-inspiring. But when it came to asking for help for himself, he simply couldn't, which I can so understand.
But god, please do ask for help. If you're ever feeling like you're reaching the end of your rope and like you don't have any other options, please say something to someone. Don't be ashamed, or embarrassed, or feel unworthy of being helped, because you matter. Even if you don't think you do.
I'm off to watch the memorial livestream they're doing for him, but I'd like to share a couple of his videos with you so you can maybe see in him what many of us loved about him. This was his last appearance in a video - a very catchy tune that he collaborated on, recorded the day before. He's the one in his signature yellow hat.
Click to view
Even if you don't know anything about him or what he reviewed, please watch the following video. It's something everyone can relate to, and it gives you an idea of the kind of person he was and why so many people loved him.
Click to view
Thank you, Justin, for sharing so much joy and happiness with us and for inspiring so many. You are loved and missed ♥
"Say not in grief, 'he is no more' but live in thankfulness that he was."
~Jewish proverb