Holding it together
Well, yesterday was a particularly dark day for me. Pretty sure I have a case of Postpartum Depression and not just baby blues. Kevin and I ended up fighting about the whole thing. The fact that I'm depressed and crying constantly, and the fact that he just doesn't know how to handle it.
Things were ugly most the evening. Finally we went to bed, at the same time for a change which we almost never do. By morning, I was feeling stiff and achy all over, but the heaviness of last night seemed to have vanished.
Today has been a better day. I still feel tired, weak and worn out. But so far not overwrought with anxiety for my child. Actually I felt a bit detached today. (Which is why I'm still going to go see the doctor about this.) After we visited her in the NICU this afternoon, I came home and slept. After waking up from my nap I felt a little more like my old self, and Kevin noticed that I seemed in good spirits and seemed very pleased with that development. But again, I don't know if that's just a temporary lull or what.
Natalie is doing well. She is slowly but surely gaining weight and learning to eat on her own. Preemie's sleep a great deal, but she seems to be becoming slowly more alert and having more times during the day when she opens her eyes and looks around.
Today was the first day Kevin and I dressed her in real clothes (she's had too many monitors and wires up till this point to try it) and since she's being brought out of her little isolette more and more often (and getting cold as a result) we figured we'd give it a try. Like me when I was a little one, she didn't mind anything on her torso, but hates things on her feet and legs. She's got such long little legs. (No idea where she got those as her mother is a stubby little hobbit!) She wasn't in it long. Now that she's eating more and more, she's having regular dirty diapers. Today she had a rather messy one, and in the process of cleaning up that mess, she peed all over herself. Both her and her father were rather freaked out by this. Luckily mommy is prepared and quickly got her cleaned up and calmed down.
I miss her. Can't wait till she comes home, no matter how scary it will be. I can't stand the idea that I gave birth to this beautiful little girl and I came home without her. (And the tears start in again) But she'll be home in a few weeks. By Halloween at the latest. And that will be the happiest day for all of us.
Things were ugly most the evening. Finally we went to bed, at the same time for a change which we almost never do. By morning, I was feeling stiff and achy all over, but the heaviness of last night seemed to have vanished.
Today has been a better day. I still feel tired, weak and worn out. But so far not overwrought with anxiety for my child. Actually I felt a bit detached today. (Which is why I'm still going to go see the doctor about this.) After we visited her in the NICU this afternoon, I came home and slept. After waking up from my nap I felt a little more like my old self, and Kevin noticed that I seemed in good spirits and seemed very pleased with that development. But again, I don't know if that's just a temporary lull or what.
Natalie is doing well. She is slowly but surely gaining weight and learning to eat on her own. Preemie's sleep a great deal, but she seems to be becoming slowly more alert and having more times during the day when she opens her eyes and looks around.
Today was the first day Kevin and I dressed her in real clothes (she's had too many monitors and wires up till this point to try it) and since she's being brought out of her little isolette more and more often (and getting cold as a result) we figured we'd give it a try. Like me when I was a little one, she didn't mind anything on her torso, but hates things on her feet and legs. She's got such long little legs. (No idea where she got those as her mother is a stubby little hobbit!) She wasn't in it long. Now that she's eating more and more, she's having regular dirty diapers. Today she had a rather messy one, and in the process of cleaning up that mess, she peed all over herself. Both her and her father were rather freaked out by this. Luckily mommy is prepared and quickly got her cleaned up and calmed down.
I miss her. Can't wait till she comes home, no matter how scary it will be. I can't stand the idea that I gave birth to this beautiful little girl and I came home without her. (And the tears start in again) But she'll be home in a few weeks. By Halloween at the latest. And that will be the happiest day for all of us.