....
ok, so the past few days have been interesting. Me, being my usual WAAAY to emotional self, i've gone back into doing an old habit. But with small difference. I got caught this time. It was rather embarrassing, because my mother and i were argueing at church and she wouldn't let me snap my rubber band so i lost it and started crying and ran a finger over a scar reminding me of what i'd most likely do again later that night. She noticed and started yelling. So when i got home we had an 45 min. talk...except i didn't say much. I just stared at the wall and occasionally mumbled something. So later i went upstairs and journaled, something i've been doing alot of lately. I wrote antoher depressing but truthful poem and answered my mothers questions. It's so much easier to write what you're thinking on a piece of paper as opposed to saying it. So the next morning i'm in a rush, i've got 4 mins. to get dressed and down to the bus stop and the stupid person i am, I left the journal open on my bed. Naturally during the day my mother comes in to see how clean my room is and sees my journal. Thus she decides she will read it, seeing as it's open. I felt a little better when i came home that day, but again i was pulled aside and lectured. She handed me back my notebook and written next to my list of faults she had written a comment. This made me smile at least a little. I have decided to tear this page out and carry it around in my pocket. But I think i scared the shit out of when she read my poem. Again i was lectured. Now i feel kind of bad because she's going to the barn and (i'm not going i don't feel well) i can tell she's scared to leave me alone. I feel bad that i make her worry so much. *sighs* -.-;;