recall the deeds as if they're all // someone else's atrocious stories
Who: Yaha and Shikamaru Nara.
When: Early evening.
Where: Prison then xXx.
Summary: AGI buys an elf from prison. Time to collect.
Warnings: Yaha, always.
( now you stand reborn // so glad to see you well )
When: Early evening.
Where: Prison then xXx.
Summary: AGI buys an elf from prison. Time to collect.
Warnings: Yaha, always.
( now you stand reborn // so glad to see you well )
The sinking feeling had started in his heart and continued to freeze until he could actually feel the pain that it brought. "I don't want him to hate me. That is why I remained. I had been such a good boy." His gaze shifted to the other two men, looking for some sort of approval or reassurance that he had been. Yet their faces were relatively blank. Things had been decided for him and so they need not show him anything that he wants.
"But I..." And the small little movements he made ceased as his shadow was caught. Even if he wanted to tilt his head to see, he could not. "But I want to stay until Urick comes for me." Yaha had given up on his other friends -- even if he saw them in his mind, even if he had many little tea parties with them. None of them were really coming for him. All of them had forgotten about him. Everyone but Urick would leave him.
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He had to concentrate on maintaining the technique while they walked, and even then Shikamaru was exhausted by the time they reached the van. His supervisor took care of chaining Yaha and blindfolding him, and it wasn't until Yaha was completely secured that Shikamaru released his shadow.
The two of them were alone in the cargo area once the van began to drive. Shikamaru sat across from Yaha, gun drawn and pointed as was standard procedure. He didn't have anything to say yet, breathless and feverish as he was recovering from using Kage Mane.
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"I want to stay here and wait for Urick." He knew that he was becoming something of a broken record, but that was his wish. Yet if he remained where he was, he would feel the constant fracturing in his head intensify until there was nothing left. Yet if he left and realized that he had once more disappointed his beloved, he would shatter. The low or the fast. It did not seem as though he had a choice in the matter. "Please, don't you like me here?"
The elf continued to ask his questions that had no answers before he finally was chained and blindfolded. Tied down in the van. His shoulders could finally drop as he could feel that weakness continuing. "Urick will be so disappointed." He did lift his head a little as he thought that he heard something familiar. Reminded him of Shinji, but he dismissed that thought.
"You look very happy right now, Shikamaru." Even though he was blindfolded, even so, he decided to talk as though he could see. A smile that was as hollow as his words. He had to talk on something else as he could feel his heart breaking as the van once more started. Hated such contraptions. To be tied down in something of metal and moved. He'd rather be amongst the horses or forced to walk the entire way. Walk until his feet bled. The fear was in his voice, but that could not be helped. "I was beginning to worry about you."
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He lifted the gun, pointing it at Yaha's head from where he sat. His finger wasn't on the trigger. He was merely remembering something. Or... trying to remember. He wished he could remember everything. He wished he could only be sure.
One thing he was sure about was that Yaha deserved this. If anybody had ever deserved this fate, it was Yaha. AGI probably knew that, or at least knew that Shikamaru would believe that. If this wasn't a reward for his loyalty, then it was a bribe. He wasn't an idiot. He understood that much. But there was no reason he shouldn't bite. He was a monster, AGI's monster. Why shouldn't he enjoy it for once?
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His smile widened that much more. It was nothing to be happy about it, just as hollow as before. "I know what will become of me. What is there to worry about?" Yaha did allow his head to drop as he thought of what would become of him. His thoughts focused completely upon Urick and the disappointment he was sure the man would feel toward him. This time it was not his fault. This time he wanted to stay and be good for the police, for Urick.
"Urick, Urick..." Being alone for so long had not done much for his already weakened head. Thriving for all the attention and finally having someone talk to him, it was -- not as wonderful as he thought that it would be. Jerking his head back up, he continued the conversation. "What became of my friends? What became of Roman? Wait, they're not really my friends, are they?"
No, they weren't. Hadn't he just said they were not his friends? "What was I saying before?" Difficult to carry on a conversation when only having himself and visions in his head to speak to. "Ah, yes, I was worried about you. I was beginning to wonder if you would not be all right. But you will, won't you, my dearest little Shikamaru."
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He didn't. Never could. Never could do it right.
"I'm-- fine. No thanks to you." The gun came to rest on his lap again. The smile had gone from his face. "You're right about them. Your friends. You were a tool, you know? You were just a fall guy. 'course that's probably okay by you. You were probably using them just the same. One great big cycle of everybody fucking everybody. That's what you call love, right? Isn't that your idea of love?"
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"Hm? Yes, it is all right with me." Yaha smiled softly to himself. It was all right with him. Even if they were not real friends, they acted like they were to him. "Using them as the same? No, not really. Though, I do like the idea that you stated." A soft hum as he thought of how happy that they all were together now. It did not actually make him happy to think on such things even though the sound sounded as such.
"No, that's not what I call love. It's what I call friendship." His shoulders shook a little as he laughed to himself. It was not a true laugh -- he lost his real laugh with his real smile so long ago. "The only love I know is the ever-consuming one I have for Urick. And now you are going to have him hate me. I think he was going to forgive me."
The chains moved a little as he opened his hand to the air, before curled his fingers back to rest. "I am certain he would have held my hand and take me home, finally." A beat. "Why do you want him to hate me? Why are you doing this to me? Hadn't I been a good boy in my cell? Hadn't I been good during my trial?"
Yaha laughed to himself once more, smile brighter in its emptiness. "I am getting confused. I just know Urick will hate me. Urick will--" The smile faded as he seemed to realize what was going on finally and started to fight to get out of his restraints. It really was useless even if he could access some of his strength granted to him, his body was still too weak to do much than just shift slightly from side to side.
"Take me back!"
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"You're not going back," Shikamaru uttered, his gaze on the chains securing Yaha. He'd shoot if there was even the slightest hint of a break. He remembered too well how strong Yaha could be. "And Urick already hates you. You know why? 'cause you haven't been a good boy. Not in life. You're a rapist. A killer. You're scum. You're gonna go where you'll get to feel everything you put people through. I think I'll even put in a special recommendation for you. I think you'd do a lot better servicing women than men. Maybe I'll suggest you never see a man again. Definitely never see Urick again."
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He hadn't seen him at all. He thought that his reward would be to see him and talk to him face-to-face. Where did he hear that? Did someone say it to him? Another little delusion that he nursed. His head tilted in very gentle movements as he continued to try to see through the dark.
"Such a vicious little boy you've become." He started to laugh even more, louder. It wasn't as pretty a sound that he wanted, but he couldn't cry anymore. Lacked the ability to do so. It made him think of Laughing Beast and how she could only convey her sorrow in the same way. He thought to adopt her coping mechanism, for the moment.
"Not once have I raised my hand in anger to another. Well, once, I suppose, I did." Yaha thought of the cultists that he had cut down, but they deserved it. A soft humming noise as he continued to look about the darkness that was around him before jerking toward where Shikamaru sat -- where he heard his voice. He could not get particularly far but his voice did lose its mirth and joy.
Fear spoke to him and wrapped and choked him, but he could only speak in anger now. The fear of never seeing or hearing Urick, or knowing any sort of touch that he could mistake for his love's in a delusion. "Please, don't do that..." A beat as he leaned back to rest where he was. Too tired and weak to do much else, it seemed. How unfortunate. His words mumbled slightly. "Urick would take my hand and promise me that things would be all right. But he no longer holds my hand. I don't think that memory really happened, it might have been a dream I had..."
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It wasn't guilt. For once, he didn't feel guilty about any of it. He was actually grateful. As much as it played right into AGI's hand, he was grateful for his contract, his position, that gave him the chance to be right here at this moment. The sacrifices he'd made, the sins against humanity that he'd committed, might all be worth it for this chance. Because in this world, it wasn't the law that saw justice done. The companies had the power, and here he was AGI's judge.
With his confidence in that, then, what was the real issue? Not his pride. Such a vicious little boy you've become. Yaha knew nothing about it. Assuming he had any part of it, or that somehow this place had corrupted him. Others had even tried to draw comparisons between Yaha and Shikamaru, but he knew that they were wrong. They were both killers, but that was where the similarity ended. If he'd had any doubt about it, the night he'd spent with Yaha at AGI had cleared it. Shikamaru could be sadistic, but he wasn't a sadist. And if anything had corrupted him, it'd happened long before any of these people knew him.
Shikamaru sat in silence while Yaha muttered to himself. He could tell they were getting closer to Sector 1 when the turns of the vehicle became familiar. "Are you ready, Yaha?" he said finally, when the van began to slow. "You're about to begin your new life."
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A beat.
"I don't want Urick to hate me. I don't… I worked very hard and yet…" The van had already stopped during the pause. His head shifted from side to side in a panicked manner. "No, wait… I didn't mean to anger anyone." It was a lie. He couldn't say that he was particularly sorry for anything. Difficult to do so for someone like himself. Especially when he had convinced himself that all he had done was for his love.
Even someone like himself could tell that he had nothing that he could do at this time, beyond appear as pathetic and remorseful as possible in order to be granted some mercy. "I promise that I …" The words no longer mattered, he could be saying anything so long as it would mean that he would not be allowed to fell any sort of disdain from Urick. It would be fine to be hated by everyone else, because he knew that everyone actually loved him.
Yet, it seemed as though his words fell upon deaf ears this time.
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