Once even I was a little child. and I was afraid.

[wishgrant]

Who: Luca Macken ( wishgrant ) and Alois Trancy ( masterbaiting ).
When: Tuesday evening, round 4-ish?
Where: Shota Phancyhive Manor!
Summary: Following this thread, this quick log and this late night call, Luca makes the choice to avoid his big brother. Big brother notices. It's time for them to talk.
Warnings: Possible foul language courtesy of Alois? Epic amounts of

Comments

[masterbaiting]

Alois sits right up, when Luca's in - his hands plant themselves against the bed, between his bowed knees, and he's got his mildly-worried face on. "There you are. Hullo, Luca, now where've you been?"

Luca's just about the only one who can make him sound a little more like Jim.

...He's good at acting like things haven't happened, and so it's only low-level distress at not having seen his brother very much throughout the day. Lack of Luca makes him nervous, in ways different now from how they had been when he was a child. His fingertips rub against the bedspread and he's anxious. (Jim didn't used to be so anxious as Alois sometimes is.)

[wishgrant]

The guilt hits him immediately at the sight of Alois's worried face, and he stares at the floor instead. Luca wasn't nearly as good at acting as Alois was.

"With Quackers."

As if on cue, the duck pops out from under the bed, and he scoops her up in his arms. Out of habit, one hand releases Quackers, moving to stop his brother's anxious gesture. "We explored the other rooms today." He shifts nervously on the floor, before moving up to sit on the bed, brown eyes still not meeting blue. "An' we took a nap in the guest room."

[masterbaiting]

"Could have laid in here if you wanted- But I guess you were exploring too much for interruptions, hm?" A pause, and Alois frowns a little, taking Luca's bitty hand, trying for any sort of eye contact.

With a squeezing of fingers, he swings into Jim mode. "Go on, tell me what's wrong. I know something is, come here." He's already scooting closer. It's instinct to tilt Luca's chin up and examine his face - just in case.

[wishgrant]

He finally looks up at Alois for the first time in a whole day, teeth worrying his lip. But he isn't going to cry, because Brother has cried enough for both of them. Except he probably will at some point OH WELL.

"You weren't there when I woke up." He sniffs a little. "You said everything was okay and you weren't mad or nothin' but you left and you weren't there when I woke up. I didn't meant to scare you or make you angry or anythin'. S-so don't hate me. I don't want you to hate me." Not crying. but. Wibbling.

[masterbaiting]

"Oh," he says immediately, but what he really means is, I fucked up. "Luca, I'm not- I don't- No." Hopefully it's proof of that, when he pulls Luca over, tiny duck and all (she flails a little). Hopefully it's proof of that, when he rubs at Luca's cheek, shaking his head.

I fucked up.

-He's not a bad big brother. He has to tell himself this about fifty times a day, it feels like. He's not a bad big brother. It was just- difficult, sometimes.

(He feels like a bad big brother.)

"I'm not mad at you." It's firm. Not the angry firm, but the 'everything I say is right and don't you forget that' firm. "Never have been. Never will be. I'm not mad at you, Luca, and anyone who hates you is a dumb shit. You didn't do anything wrong."

He's always so adamant about that. No matter what, Luca is probably the most innocent thing that will ever exist

lmao, luca's worries are not in the most organized fashion

[wishgrant]

Having his face held in his brother's hands is something Luca had always found comforting. It made the sting from bruises, formed by rocks thrown by angry villager, fade, the biting pain of scraped knees when running from the older boys dissapear. And in the dead of winter, when they didn't have enough clothes to keep them warm ( not like now, now there are plenty of things, and the coldest Luca has been is getting out of bed in the morning ) it served as the smallest comfort they had. But Luca's been worrying since the day he arrived, and even the warm hands on his cheeks aren't as comforting as they usually are.

"You've been actin' odd since I came here. An' then Ciel and Shiroe left 'cause of me, an' you started acting odd more after that. An' Jack said you were upset an' he understands why, but I thought you'd be happy. I didn't think you'd be upset, an' I didn't want to leave you by yourself. I'm sorry."

they both have amazing priorities

[masterbaiting]

His thumbs stroke cheeks and he feels like his stomach is trying to crawl into his esophagus. "I was-" No, don't say that. "When you came-" ...Not that either. A deep breath, and he decides to just kick words in the face and make them do as he pleases. "I'm not mad at you. Or upset with you. Or. Anything. Except happy. I'm happy to see you. I'm happier to see you than I've probably ever been. So don't-"

And he laughs, nothing like Jim and everything like a pleasant earl. -And then he's smart enough to realize that. He has to take another breath in order to get this out properly.

"It was a long time since I saw you, Luca." Alois is brushing hair away from tiny ears, tracing bitty features. "Those two, they didn't do any leaving because of you. It's more me they wanted to avoid. I'm a pain in the arse, I am, you know that? But you're all right, you're all right. They all know how good you are."

Brother >>>>>>>>>>>> INSUMOUNTABLE WALL >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> everything/everyone else

[wishgrant]

"What happened?" The hands do seem to have a calming affect this time, and he only sniffles a little. "I shoulda been with you always. How was I gone for a long time?" Because the plan had been to be with Alois from the moment his soul was taken, but...

"Brother, what happened to you after your wish was granted?"

...good boy

[masterbaiting]

Alois isn't sure what he does and doesn't want to say. He doesn't have a problem with lying, but he doesn't know what all to lie about. He doesn't want to tread on Luca with the ridiculous six-plus years of his own life - but that's already proving to be near impossible.

Maybe he'll just wordvomit and hope for the best. That usually gets him places, right?

"I guess for a while I didn't do much." This is the truth. He can't remember very much of how it was from ages eight to eleven. He turned nine - when? He probably sat in a ditch for it. Same for ten. Same for eleven and then twelve was with Trancy. So- "I didn't really do much. I just..." To keep from saying something stupid, he strokes Luca's cheek again.

A lot had happened. He doesn't say this. Instead, it's, "I was all by myself, I guess."

...Unless there were fucking demons shadowing him or something. There's the urge to ask about Hannah, about the lady with the long hair, about That Thing. He tries to crush it.

:>

[wishgrant]

And now Luca does begin to cry. Because six years. He'd left his Brother alone, however unintentionally for six years. And he's angry to ( but not really, because anger is emotion mostly foreign to Luca. It's Brother who holds the anger, and Luca who holds the kindess. ), because the demon had promised they would be together, that Alois/Jim/Big Brother would never be alone. But he was. For six years.

And so he cries, little sobs and hiccups. "I'm sorry!" His voice comes out choked, arms and sleeves rubbing at his eyes to halt the flow of them, to no avail. He feels like he's crying a lot lately. ( --but then so is Brother, so isn't it only fair...?-- ) "I'm sorry for leaving you by yourself. I-I thought--She promised me. It was going to be okay, because she promised, and we'd always be together and everything would be okay, and you'd be happy, a-an'-- She promised. I'm sorry! I wanted us to be happy together."

[masterbaiting]

"No no no no no-" It's immediate, and it doesn't convey the self-loathing he feels. "Say. Oi, Luca, you see anyone mad around here? I sure don't see a mad guy, and if there was one I'd kick his ass and drown him anyhow. No one's mad, you don't need to be fussing." For all that he says, his tone is probably the least admonishing thing ever. He holds his shaky baby brother and tries to wipe his face; his fingers mingle with Luca's tiny ones.

And he softens further, and he melts because Luca has always been warm enough to melt him; he cradles and he tries very, very hard not to break glasses and mirrors and bones.

"You don't have to be sorry to me. You don't. You don't have to be sorry to anyone." (It's the world who should be apologizing. It should get down on its knees and beg for Luca to bless it

[wishgrant]

Luca grasps at his brother's hands, giving a watery laugh. "You can't drown people for being mad, Brother."

The questions surpises him, and for a moment his face goes blank. Because Luca may have been young, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He'd suspected Alois was trying to avoid that detail, avoid talking of the lady no matter how much Luca mentioned her.

And then, he smiles, even with his eyes still teary, and his breath still coming out in little hiccups. "She was pretty. An' her hair was really long, and it moved a lot when she walked. I thought only old people had white hair, but hers was white too and it was really pretty. An' her eyes were red like everyone say demons have. B-but she didn't have horns or anything. Everyone says demons are supposed to be scary, but she wasn't." He keeps Alois's hands in his own as he speaks, tiny fingers holding on like he might up and leave at any moment.

( --Aren't you afirad of demons? No, of death?-- )

And he had been, at first, but it was only momentary because....becauseBecause even if

[masterbaiting]

Hannah.
Fucking.
Annafellows.

...Alois had not always hated Hannah. There had been a wariness at all times - she was a demon and she... stared at him - but he had not always hated her. Sometimes he liked to watch her mop. But she watched him, too, and it was unsettling, and he could not bear her eyes which held something so unfamiliar.

Looking back on it, it wasn't unfamiliar at all. He just hadn't seen it since Luca's time.

One of Alois' greatest wants right now is for Hannah to be here. He can imagine it, he can picture himself atop her, he can feel the cracking press of throat against his angry palms and he can feel the fury he'd know upon once again realizing that she is not a thing that needs to breathe. He could strangle her all day and nothing would happen

[wishgrant]

The crying surprises him, and his hands instinctively go to his Brother's head, cradling the blond against his smaller chest. He doesn't tell him to stop crying this time, just holding onto his brother, curling a little so he can hug him properly as he cries.

They were together. Hannah had gone to Brother just like she had promised him she would. It's relieves the knot that had formed in his stomach over night, and pulls some of the tension from his shoulders. He'd granted Brother's wish and been with him forever after that.

But it bothered him. 'Cos I had one too--. Brother had one. Had a--

"You had a demon?" And now his brow furrows, mouth turning down in a worried frown and voice dropping to a whisper. "Why? Brother? ..No. You can't. You're not allowed. You...don't give away your soul. Revoke the contract! Make them take it back! You can't!"