news feed; Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday; April 4, 2011
Weather Cloudy with frequent showers in the evening. High of 7°C and a low of 2°C (45°F/36°F).
Current Moon Phase: New Moon
Morning sirens will go off at 6:45 am, and evening sirens will go off at 7:45 pm.
[ This Event is winding down, and some of the effects are beginning to wear off. Clean running tap water has been restored, but sane citizens are being cautioned by the few sobered health authorities to continue drinking only bottled or boiled water till further notice.
The city plans to return to most of its regularly scheduled business week today- that is, nothing important has been cancelled or rescheduled. Some classes at SPU, Hawthorne or Hillsdale may resemble Clown College more than anything on the syllabus, but today is still fair game for foolery.]
GOODIE-DROPPING CREATURE SIGHTED!
Reports of another bizarre creature's appearance have been popping up during the weekend. Firsthand accounts indicate that they've been spotted in various sectors of the city since Friday afternoon; however, a sizable mob of the monsters have accumulated near the farmlands in Sector 7. There is no confirmed connection with the events that transpired this weekend.
The creatures are described as large, purple and jar-shaped with red eyes, and more importantly, harmless. They move about sporadically without any particular direction, but flee when they sustain too much damage. Curiously, when hit, the creatures drop orbs that contain an assortment of foods.
Foods discovered so far include: a variety of pre-sliced cakes, jars of a bizarre spice labeled "Toonbasco," which is described as almost painfully spicy, muffins, Valentine's chocolates, soda, lemonade, apple pie, coffee and a myriad of different types of sandwiches. Authorities investigating advise hungry patrons to exercise caution when approaching the mob in Sector 7, although one casually remarked that if it keeps up, he'll finally be able to catch up on his bills and still feed his family.
TERROR IN TOWN HALL: TROUBLE TAKES OFF
This morning SERO Military agents stormed the Town Hall, finally taking drastic measures to sneak in and take out the clown terror simply called The Joker. They stormed the town hall with full permission from the still unaffected members of the police force and the government.
After storming through the streets and causing mass chaos for days, the wild newcomer had taken over the Town Hall in sector two with an embarrassing amount of ease. (According to the rather grumpy reporter who seems to be writing the article, anyway. As most of their colleagues are recovering from the mess, we can't blame them too much for their rather intricate rant on how the Governor's office and the City should have prepared better for possible criminal warfare, but eventually they get back on topic after about a paragraph and a half.) ‘Jokerized’ people had joined him, setting up camp and celebrating wherever they saw fit, on the steps, in the halls, and running wild through one of the city's oldest landmarks. Many of workers were evacuated or managed to get
away safe and sound without being forced into the festivities.
To attempt the risky trip into enemy lines, gas was pumped into the air ducts, flooding the building with a non-lethal substance, knocking out anyone with a proper working respiratory system. Three people were found to still be walking around after the gas settled, unaffected. They were taken into custody shortly after.
The 'King of Misrule', as he called himself, was not found,however. One witness said a SERO agent was found locked away in the boiler room, unconscious and in his underwear. The full extent of the situation is not clear, but the current reigning theory according to the article is that the Joker managed to escape SERO’s troopers by disguising himself as one and slipping away. SPPD is on the case looking for any lead to the Joker's hide out. Please inform police if you have any information, they would appreciate it.
Three, yet unidentified, bodies were found in the city council room along with crudely drawn finger paintings of the Joker himself after the smoke cleared.
[Attached are some images of the Council chambers. All finger paint murals of Joker leading clowns on parades, sitting in Edgeworth's lap, mourning a dead Roman and other small nonsensical drawings. A ‘Joker Was Here’ drawing in ‘blood’ can be seen. It’s red paint.]
Other News:
- A woman was seen hijacking a city bus and driving it up the steps of Town Hall yesterday afternoon, singing and saying she came to see the King! The woman disappeared shortly after. Identification is unknown. This is just one of many crimes storming the city in the past few days.
- A record number of business lines have reportedly been tied up by prank calls this past week. Large business owners, AGI and SERO business lines have been riddled with questions, asking if their "Refrigerator is Running". Emergency Services number 999 has been experiencing an overload of prank calls causing problems for those who are really in need of emergency services.
- AGJ Radio DJ gives two tickets to a Newcomer for funniest joke or pick up line. Many people have since called in with complaints that the competition was unfair to those who were not under the influences of recent events. It is unclear if the Newcomer was under the influence or not but the radio DJ stands by his choice. A new contest will be held soon to offer more tickets.
- Siren's Port Department of Transportation has issued an ordinance requiring a 12 per vehicle minimum for use of the rush hour carpool lanes. Effective today!
----------
[ News Notification Thread]
Weather Cloudy with frequent showers in the evening. High of 7°C and a low of 2°C (45°F/36°F).
Current Moon Phase: New Moon
Morning sirens will go off at 6:45 am, and evening sirens will go off at 7:45 pm.
[ This Event is winding down, and some of the effects are beginning to wear off. Clean running tap water has been restored, but sane citizens are being cautioned by the few sobered health authorities to continue drinking only bottled or boiled water till further notice.
The city plans to return to most of its regularly scheduled business week today- that is, nothing important has been cancelled or rescheduled. Some classes at SPU, Hawthorne or Hillsdale may resemble Clown College more than anything on the syllabus, but today is still fair game for foolery.]
GOODIE-DROPPING CREATURE SIGHTED!
Reports of another bizarre creature's appearance have been popping up during the weekend. Firsthand accounts indicate that they've been spotted in various sectors of the city since Friday afternoon; however, a sizable mob of the monsters have accumulated near the farmlands in Sector 7. There is no confirmed connection with the events that transpired this weekend.
The creatures are described as large, purple and jar-shaped with red eyes, and more importantly, harmless. They move about sporadically without any particular direction, but flee when they sustain too much damage. Curiously, when hit, the creatures drop orbs that contain an assortment of foods.
Foods discovered so far include: a variety of pre-sliced cakes, jars of a bizarre spice labeled "Toonbasco," which is described as almost painfully spicy, muffins, Valentine's chocolates, soda, lemonade, apple pie, coffee and a myriad of different types of sandwiches. Authorities investigating advise hungry patrons to exercise caution when approaching the mob in Sector 7, although one casually remarked that if it keeps up, he'll finally be able to catch up on his bills and still feed his family.
TERROR IN TOWN HALL: TROUBLE TAKES OFF
This morning SERO Military agents stormed the Town Hall, finally taking drastic measures to sneak in and take out the clown terror simply called The Joker. They stormed the town hall with full permission from the still unaffected members of the police force and the government.
After storming through the streets and causing mass chaos for days, the wild newcomer had taken over the Town Hall in sector two with an embarrassing amount of ease. (According to the rather grumpy reporter who seems to be writing the article, anyway. As most of their colleagues are recovering from the mess, we can't blame them too much for their rather intricate rant on how the Governor's office and the City should have prepared better for possible criminal warfare, but eventually they get back on topic after about a paragraph and a half.) ‘Jokerized’ people had joined him, setting up camp and celebrating wherever they saw fit, on the steps, in the halls, and running wild through one of the city's oldest landmarks. Many of workers were evacuated or managed to get
away safe and sound without being forced into the festivities.
To attempt the risky trip into enemy lines, gas was pumped into the air ducts, flooding the building with a non-lethal substance, knocking out anyone with a proper working respiratory system. Three people were found to still be walking around after the gas settled, unaffected. They were taken into custody shortly after.
The 'King of Misrule', as he called himself, was not found,however. One witness said a SERO agent was found locked away in the boiler room, unconscious and in his underwear. The full extent of the situation is not clear, but the current reigning theory according to the article is that the Joker managed to escape SERO’s troopers by disguising himself as one and slipping away. SPPD is on the case looking for any lead to the Joker's hide out. Please inform police if you have any information, they would appreciate it.
Three, yet unidentified, bodies were found in the city council room along with crudely drawn finger paintings of the Joker himself after the smoke cleared.
[Attached are some images of the Council chambers. All finger paint murals of Joker leading clowns on parades, sitting in Edgeworth's lap, mourning a dead Roman and other small nonsensical drawings. A ‘Joker Was Here’ drawing in ‘blood’ can be seen. It’s red paint.]
Other News:
- A woman was seen hijacking a city bus and driving it up the steps of Town Hall yesterday afternoon, singing and saying she came to see the King! The woman disappeared shortly after. Identification is unknown. This is just one of many crimes storming the city in the past few days.
- A record number of business lines have reportedly been tied up by prank calls this past week. Large business owners, AGI and SERO business lines have been riddled with questions, asking if their "Refrigerator is Running". Emergency Services number 999 has been experiencing an overload of prank calls causing problems for those who are really in need of emergency services.
- AGJ Radio DJ gives two tickets to a Newcomer for funniest joke or pick up line. Many people have since called in with complaints that the competition was unfair to those who were not under the influences of recent events. It is unclear if the Newcomer was under the influence or not but the radio DJ stands by his choice. A new contest will be held soon to offer more tickets.
- Siren's Port Department of Transportation has issued an ordinance requiring a 12 per vehicle minimum for use of the rush hour carpool lanes. Effective today!
----------
[ News Notification Thread]