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TG: okay so lets ignore how off the wall balls out retarded this is
TG: and i know thats going to be a massive stretch of the imagination only spongebob mcsquaredoodle could appreciate
TG: but goddamn
TG: if one more frothing monster type tries to stranger danger his claws all over my crotchdaschund i dont know what ill do
TG: seriously what the fuck is up
TG: its like a marathon of priestly chucklephiles all over this bitch and im the first plump farm fresh thirteen year old theyve ever laid eyes on
TG: just reaching and grabbing like its prom night and the whole damn worlds turned into the backseat of some mouthbreahters snogmcroofiemobile
TG: but pimp daddy here dont play those games yo
TG: no means a definite imma slap your shit silly, pure MAD magazine style shenanigans up in this piece if you dont stop
TG: i mean i get that every shit tier level in this game needs as many injections of awesomely sicknasty roofninjas as is medically possible
TG: like i can already hear you poor bastards crying out for some professional as fuck me shaped coolkid to arrive and lead you to the nonpsychotic promised land
TG: shit you can just call me charleton heston while youre at it id be that good at leading you poor lambs to paradise
TG: but this is just seriously b-a-n-a-n-a-s ridiculous
TG: i only got here an im already laying waste to motherfuckers left and right
TG: its like some christmas fairytale of beatdowns up in this piece
TG: only instead of presents im handing out asses to every rump deficient monsterkid that ever did look up and cry
TG: yes mister oh please help me ive got not ass to sit down on
TG: please mister oh god i keep falling off chairs help me bro
TG: dont worry little monsterdudes ive got ya
TG: dave wont let you down no sir no how
TG: and let me stop you right there because i see it in your eyes already
TG: just let me just say one thing before you start cheering and excitedly stroking each others raging crotchbulges and clitboners
TG: i know the prospect of having such an unequivocal badass hang around makes you crazy kids flip your collective shit
TG: seriously if those jaws dropped any faster wed have to test for seismic activity
TG: but im not here to save anyone or be the next big fuckoff thing you all fall to your knees and worship
TG: i definitely could be because im that professionally legit
TG: but let it be known that me
TG: dave strider
TG: aka the emperor of izzle
TG: aka the turntech godhead
TG: aka the most dopest flashstepper this side of the lohac and wherever the hell this place is
TG: am not going to be saving any spritely wee little lasses in castle far away or anon
TG: shit just isnt my style and id look like shit in overalls or whatever the shit it is that john calls the zelda reject hoodie he wears
TG: besides ive got too many unironic fires in the oven and way too many frogs to
TG: wait fuck
TG: shit
TG: jade whered you go
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