(no subject)
I must say, things werent how i expected this weekend.
I thought was going to be so different.
My life, my heart, and my soul is moving to New York tomorrow and theres nothing I can do about it what so ever.
It feels like my life is just slipping away anymore.
I dont think I have ever been this so stressed out, ever.
I mean I thought 2007 was gonna be the year I get myself on track, finish school, finally get a job, drive, and hang out with the best of friends anyone could ask for.
Things have just been changing not for the good and not for the bad just for the because and it felt alright for once, I practically moved out of my house for two months, joe finally came home, whit and I started talking again, Josh and I became closer than I thought possible, joe and I finally got on track to where we actually talked and cared about everything again and me being use to him actually being home and not just dreaming it, Tiff Mont is the best friend anyone could ask for, I met so many new people that I can actually call my friends, I stopped fighting with my parents, I moved back home, I got rid of the bad and came in with the good, and for once I could actually could say "Hey, Man Im Happy Again".
Now, Joe And Josh are moving to New York in about eight hours, I saw joe for about 3 hours max this whole weekend, I hardly got to talked to either of Josh or Joe, Im home when I should be hanging out with them but my emotions and ideas dont mix and Im going to end up having someone get mad at me or someone being upset or hurt, thats where evething led me tonight, home.
My parents and I are at each others throats, and my brother wouldnt like me to assoicate with people he talks with or mention in any sentence saying "Thats my brother", I guess hes kind of embarassed, I dont blame him.
I wish I was 11 years old again, carefree all the time, not have to worry about whats going to happen tomorrow when I wake up and do nothing again. I wish just for once I could hold on to something without me fucking up or it slipping away.
All I do is cry anymore, or sleep.
And for the record, this valley SUCKS.
I miss the days, meaning "the days"
I mean I didnt accomplish anything during "the days," but at least I could sit around with the friends who were around then that are still around now (well the ones who matter) and talk about how great "THAT SUMMER" was.
I miss sitting in Metro parking lot drinking forties not getting caught and talking to everyone, everyone liking everyone, being drama free.
I miss waking up on dirty loading docks and smelling of piss, alcohol and puke. (gross i know.)
I miss camping, ghosts, and prank phone calls.
I miss knowing that once I wake up Im not going to have to make plans because its the same thing everyday and there was no getting sick of it.
Wake up at 4pm get dressed, get picked up, go to metro, spange for money, buy a fortie(s), get drunk, talk and have fun with friends, camp out, go home and do it all over again everyday.
I cant even explain how much those days meant.
I mean meeting the friends I did over this pass summer was fun also because if I didnt do it the way it went, I wouldnt of met my best friend, and I mean me and Tiff arent just best friends but sisters, we had a shit load of good times too, and now shes even part of the old crew, its as if she was there the whole time.
I dont even know how to explain myself right now, or anymore.
I just want to succeed and do something with my life already.
I really dont know where I was going with this entry, Im just rammbling.
This is where Im going to end it, Good Night.
ps.
this isnt a "hey feel really sorry for me" bit either.
if you dont have nothing nice to say to this entry, then do me a favor and dont say anything at all?
pss.
I miss you guys already, :o(. I love you Joe and Josh.
I thought was going to be so different.
My life, my heart, and my soul is moving to New York tomorrow and theres nothing I can do about it what so ever.
It feels like my life is just slipping away anymore.
I dont think I have ever been this so stressed out, ever.
I mean I thought 2007 was gonna be the year I get myself on track, finish school, finally get a job, drive, and hang out with the best of friends anyone could ask for.
Things have just been changing not for the good and not for the bad just for the because and it felt alright for once, I practically moved out of my house for two months, joe finally came home, whit and I started talking again, Josh and I became closer than I thought possible, joe and I finally got on track to where we actually talked and cared about everything again and me being use to him actually being home and not just dreaming it, Tiff Mont is the best friend anyone could ask for, I met so many new people that I can actually call my friends, I stopped fighting with my parents, I moved back home, I got rid of the bad and came in with the good, and for once I could actually could say "Hey, Man Im Happy Again".
Now, Joe And Josh are moving to New York in about eight hours, I saw joe for about 3 hours max this whole weekend, I hardly got to talked to either of Josh or Joe, Im home when I should be hanging out with them but my emotions and ideas dont mix and Im going to end up having someone get mad at me or someone being upset or hurt, thats where evething led me tonight, home.
My parents and I are at each others throats, and my brother wouldnt like me to assoicate with people he talks with or mention in any sentence saying "Thats my brother", I guess hes kind of embarassed, I dont blame him.
I wish I was 11 years old again, carefree all the time, not have to worry about whats going to happen tomorrow when I wake up and do nothing again. I wish just for once I could hold on to something without me fucking up or it slipping away.
All I do is cry anymore, or sleep.
And for the record, this valley SUCKS.
I miss the days, meaning "the days"
I mean I didnt accomplish anything during "the days," but at least I could sit around with the friends who were around then that are still around now (well the ones who matter) and talk about how great "THAT SUMMER" was.
I miss sitting in Metro parking lot drinking forties not getting caught and talking to everyone, everyone liking everyone, being drama free.
I miss waking up on dirty loading docks and smelling of piss, alcohol and puke. (gross i know.)
I miss camping, ghosts, and prank phone calls.
I miss knowing that once I wake up Im not going to have to make plans because its the same thing everyday and there was no getting sick of it.
Wake up at 4pm get dressed, get picked up, go to metro, spange for money, buy a fortie(s), get drunk, talk and have fun with friends, camp out, go home and do it all over again everyday.
I cant even explain how much those days meant.
I mean meeting the friends I did over this pass summer was fun also because if I didnt do it the way it went, I wouldnt of met my best friend, and I mean me and Tiff arent just best friends but sisters, we had a shit load of good times too, and now shes even part of the old crew, its as if she was there the whole time.
I dont even know how to explain myself right now, or anymore.
I just want to succeed and do something with my life already.
I really dont know where I was going with this entry, Im just rammbling.
This is where Im going to end it, Good Night.
ps.
this isnt a "hey feel really sorry for me" bit either.
if you dont have nothing nice to say to this entry, then do me a favor and dont say anything at all?
pss.
I miss you guys already, :o(. I love you Joe and Josh.