you poor dumb bastard
boss-man called me into his office this morning and said "i have a new job for you."
"sure, what's up."
"from now on, every morning, you have to listen to the Service Manager bitch and moan to you. so that by the time I get here, it's all out of his system and i won't have to listen to how his feet are cold or how he needs a belt or any of the other stupid shit he bitches about every day."
service manager pokes his head into boss-man's office and says, "yeah, and i'm like a chick, so i can do a LOT of bitching. heaven forbid if you ask me how i AM in the morning..."
"god, he's SUCH a chick," boss-man groans. "his ovaries have ovaries. but here's three phrases that you can use to deal with him. the first? - 'that's amazing!' - it'll make him feel special and important! the second - 'you poor dumb bastard!' - that one's kind of a no-brainer. and finally - 'you know, you have a lot of problems, but you still look good.'"
"OR," says Service Manager, "you can mix and match! like, 'that's amazing, you poor dumb bastard!' OR, 'you're a poor dumb bastard, but you still look good!'"
i ask, "will saying any of these things make the bitching stop?"
"oh, not remotely."
"oh. well as long as we're all on the same page."
_______________________________________________________
five minutes later, boss-man pokes his head into my office and asks, "hey stacey, has working here changed your view of men at all?"
"well, now i definitely don't ever want to get married, now that i see what i have to look forward to."
"we did that? that's AWESOME."
"sure, what's up."
"from now on, every morning, you have to listen to the Service Manager bitch and moan to you. so that by the time I get here, it's all out of his system and i won't have to listen to how his feet are cold or how he needs a belt or any of the other stupid shit he bitches about every day."
service manager pokes his head into boss-man's office and says, "yeah, and i'm like a chick, so i can do a LOT of bitching. heaven forbid if you ask me how i AM in the morning..."
"god, he's SUCH a chick," boss-man groans. "his ovaries have ovaries. but here's three phrases that you can use to deal with him. the first? - 'that's amazing!' - it'll make him feel special and important! the second - 'you poor dumb bastard!' - that one's kind of a no-brainer. and finally - 'you know, you have a lot of problems, but you still look good.'"
"OR," says Service Manager, "you can mix and match! like, 'that's amazing, you poor dumb bastard!' OR, 'you're a poor dumb bastard, but you still look good!'"
i ask, "will saying any of these things make the bitching stop?"
"oh, not remotely."
"oh. well as long as we're all on the same page."
_______________________________________________________
five minutes later, boss-man pokes his head into my office and asks, "hey stacey, has working here changed your view of men at all?"
"well, now i definitely don't ever want to get married, now that i see what i have to look forward to."
"we did that? that's AWESOME."