dating your best friend
is it ever okay to date your best friend?
he's there, you know each other really well. you're familiar with quirks and oddities and habits and the fact that he watched more porn than anyone else you know. no big deal. you have the same group of friends so there's no weird introductions or awkwardness. you've met each other's families. you hang out together, why the hell shouldn't you go out together?
it's like the lazy response to "well, i want a significant other now."
in a lot of ways, it's like a lazy resopnse to "well, i'm hungry now" - where instead of cooking yourself something new, you eat leftovers from the other day.
now, i'm not saying that these things never work. sometimes they totally do and are wonderful. hell, i participated in this very thing for almost two years and while it was certainly not without its issues, i wouldn't take it back. but that's mostly because the guy and i were on the same wavelength (for the most part. about the big important things.).
what if my best friend was better as a best friend? what if he ridiculed me for being pro-choice, saying i was a bad person for allowing babies to die? what if he routinely made comments about those seeking psychiatric help and referring to them as being "weak" in front of a family who's members had sought psychiatric help? what if his favorite topic of conversation was how children of gay parents turn out all funny, and then when presented with logic - turned to the bible for backup? and all these beliefs of his conflict with yours?
what if he's a verbal loose cannon, who runs his mouth about inappropriate topics? this is okay if he's with himself, but as a boyfriend? - then he's partially YOUR responsibility. at least it's your responsibility in that you WILL be judged by the company you keep, and people will say to you, "can't you TALK to him about that?"
and what happens if you try dating your best friend and he isn't super abrasive like the somewhat-hypothetical guy i described above? what happens if you try dating, or you sleep together and it just doesn't work? does that mean you're screwed forever and your friendship will never be the same?
probably, at least in regards to the point about it never being the same.
if other people can pull this off without it becoming a big mess, more power to them, and kudos. but generally? no. no. and no again. harry and sally did it, but not without it becoming a big mess. i've done it - and it turned into a mess when it ended. my friends have done it and have been buried in mess. maybe we're all relationship inept.
or maybe we should just stop relying on our best friends to be the easy answer when looking for a new significant other.
he's there, you know each other really well. you're familiar with quirks and oddities and habits and the fact that he watched more porn than anyone else you know. no big deal. you have the same group of friends so there's no weird introductions or awkwardness. you've met each other's families. you hang out together, why the hell shouldn't you go out together?
it's like the lazy response to "well, i want a significant other now."
in a lot of ways, it's like a lazy resopnse to "well, i'm hungry now" - where instead of cooking yourself something new, you eat leftovers from the other day.
now, i'm not saying that these things never work. sometimes they totally do and are wonderful. hell, i participated in this very thing for almost two years and while it was certainly not without its issues, i wouldn't take it back. but that's mostly because the guy and i were on the same wavelength (for the most part. about the big important things.).
what if my best friend was better as a best friend? what if he ridiculed me for being pro-choice, saying i was a bad person for allowing babies to die? what if he routinely made comments about those seeking psychiatric help and referring to them as being "weak" in front of a family who's members had sought psychiatric help? what if his favorite topic of conversation was how children of gay parents turn out all funny, and then when presented with logic - turned to the bible for backup? and all these beliefs of his conflict with yours?
what if he's a verbal loose cannon, who runs his mouth about inappropriate topics? this is okay if he's with himself, but as a boyfriend? - then he's partially YOUR responsibility. at least it's your responsibility in that you WILL be judged by the company you keep, and people will say to you, "can't you TALK to him about that?"
and what happens if you try dating your best friend and he isn't super abrasive like the somewhat-hypothetical guy i described above? what happens if you try dating, or you sleep together and it just doesn't work? does that mean you're screwed forever and your friendship will never be the same?
probably, at least in regards to the point about it never being the same.
if other people can pull this off without it becoming a big mess, more power to them, and kudos. but generally? no. no. and no again. harry and sally did it, but not without it becoming a big mess. i've done it - and it turned into a mess when it ended. my friends have done it and have been buried in mess. maybe we're all relationship inept.
or maybe we should just stop relying on our best friends to be the easy answer when looking for a new significant other.