i want you, not something new
before bed last night i had a bit of an internal struggle as to whether to read anna karenina or my entire (and it's a lot) berenstein bears collection. i think we all know who won out in the end. that's what you get, leo, for making your wife copy war and peace six times by hand: completely dominated by a group of cookie-baking, slumber-party-throwing grizzlies. ha! my eyes tear just thinking about what the world would be like if we all had the sagacity of mama bear.
i also was thinking about this when i woke up this morning: males have an x and a y chromosome (see coldplay's latest) while females have two x's. however, i was under the impression that females have both testosterone and estrogen while males mainly have only testosterone. this could be completely wrong, let's remember who i had for biology in 10th grade. also i remember essel once telling me that male estrogen levels are at their highest when the man is in love, (and therefore if a guy was in love with me he would be at the gayest point in his life- why do i remember this? i thought it had a point...) therefore, men must contain at least some estrogen. this is puzzling to me. i could probably look this up, but wouldn't it really be better to just pretend it's one of the great unanswered questions of life?
i wrote this about this time last year. sometimes i feel like i must be some mind-altering psycho drug most of the time and just unaware of it. no?
athena
so tonight, then. i turned the key in the ignition harder than i meant to, and i thought for a moment that something terrible would happen and time would jump forward even quicker. the moment passed, but as i leaned back, i was so very aware of everything around me: the little draft changes in the air, the smell of the sticky cupholders, the wisps of hair grasping at my jawline.
and as i started down my endless, silent road, i was suddenly very tired. a tiny hammer began to throb and pulse at the nape of my neck, dull and nauseatingly persistent, my own caged-in athena seeking her glory. no, i wanted to tell her, this is no zeus; this is just one unmarked girl trying to fight her way into her own skin. but she is a goddess, and as the wind stumbled by, tripping with the erratic taps of the gas pedal, she only pounded harder on some cranial door she thought could lend her knowledge and perhaps a little room. pounded until my eyes half-shut, bruised with her strength, and my arms tensed and shook. i gripped the wheel harder, preparing to hold her back, return her. but as my eyes swept across the dashboard, they found the bright, sinking numbers of the motionless clock, and i saw her grandfather, wielding his sickle, devouring his children. he was confined by the throne. and i thought: what else would anyone do?
when i breathed out she was gone.
all my stories seem to be about car interiors?
xx.
i also was thinking about this when i woke up this morning: males have an x and a y chromosome (see coldplay's latest) while females have two x's. however, i was under the impression that females have both testosterone and estrogen while males mainly have only testosterone. this could be completely wrong, let's remember who i had for biology in 10th grade. also i remember essel once telling me that male estrogen levels are at their highest when the man is in love, (and therefore if a guy was in love with me he would be at the gayest point in his life- why do i remember this? i thought it had a point...) therefore, men must contain at least some estrogen. this is puzzling to me. i could probably look this up, but wouldn't it really be better to just pretend it's one of the great unanswered questions of life?
i wrote this about this time last year. sometimes i feel like i must be some mind-altering psycho drug most of the time and just unaware of it. no?
athena
so tonight, then. i turned the key in the ignition harder than i meant to, and i thought for a moment that something terrible would happen and time would jump forward even quicker. the moment passed, but as i leaned back, i was so very aware of everything around me: the little draft changes in the air, the smell of the sticky cupholders, the wisps of hair grasping at my jawline.
and as i started down my endless, silent road, i was suddenly very tired. a tiny hammer began to throb and pulse at the nape of my neck, dull and nauseatingly persistent, my own caged-in athena seeking her glory. no, i wanted to tell her, this is no zeus; this is just one unmarked girl trying to fight her way into her own skin. but she is a goddess, and as the wind stumbled by, tripping with the erratic taps of the gas pedal, she only pounded harder on some cranial door she thought could lend her knowledge and perhaps a little room. pounded until my eyes half-shut, bruised with her strength, and my arms tensed and shook. i gripped the wheel harder, preparing to hold her back, return her. but as my eyes swept across the dashboard, they found the bright, sinking numbers of the motionless clock, and i saw her grandfather, wielding his sickle, devouring his children. he was confined by the throne. and i thought: what else would anyone do?
when i breathed out she was gone.
all my stories seem to be about car interiors?
xx.