(no subject)
So I was reading Marina's post and she said
"And here's the other thing, I don't want to write about the ways in which it sucks, because lately I have a low tolerance for hearing about how people's jobs suck. Most jobs suck in the same ways--the boss is too vague, the hours are too long, the projects aren't exciting, it's impossible to get everything done."
And it got me thinking, because I have become legitimately obsessed with my job and how much it sucks and how much I want to do something else, and most of all...how I don't KNOW what exactly it is that I DO want to do. And the things that Marina said seem to apply exactly to my job as well, which I find worrying - I want to believe that if I just get out of THIS job, the next one will be better. My next boss will actually train me, the next job will have decent hours, the next boss will listen to me, the next project will work, the next the next the next.... what if there IS no next? What if this is pretty much it? I've worked at crappy restaurants and as a telemarketer and all sorts of random stuff to make it through college and theoretically, a Better Job and a Better Life. And what did I wind up with? A job that actually had me on the phone crying to my mom yesterday, and screaming 'I want them all to grow up and go to jail, I don't care!' about the kids at my school. Heh heh, seriously. I was SCREAMING that I wanted the entire fifth grade class to grow up, get crap jobs and wind up on welfare and then GO TO JAIlL. I'm not stressed /angry at all. :P (Breaking teacher's fingers, stabbing each other with needles, blatantly ignoring me when I'm teaching, breaking windows, deliberately disobeying rules...it's been great. And don't get me started on the staff)
I am tempted to list out all of my issues, and I'm tempted to try and prove to all of you that I'm not just complaining, that my problems are real and blah de blah. I mean if you guys want the list, feel free to call me, I'll chew your ear off with whats wrong. :P But I don't want to keep complaining about it, thats totes not gonna help. I don't want to just quit, because a) my term ends in November and I want to see it thru, b) because it's a paycheck, and I'm not stupid enough to just hope that I get another job before my meagre savings run out and c) because I don't know what I want to DO. I just know that I don't want to be someplace that is this toxic. But what is it I want to do? What is this next job that will theoretically be better? What can I do with my life?
Here is what I do love: I love bookstores. I love working in the garden. I love baking. I love working at the farmer's market. I love organizing things. I love cleaning my apartment and having it super sparkly. I love talking to people. I love giving information to people, or helping them find out what they love to do. I love reading/researching/discussing. I love driving. I love talking about sustainable food. I love talking about food in general. I love creating seasonal food recipes. I love learning/talking about learning/helping people learn in a non-pressured environment. I love having people over and making them tea and having clean sheets on the futon and making breakfast for other people. I love talking about what I love.
What the hell can I do with these things? What job can I possibly get that I might LIKE? And if a job I don't love, something that doesn't have me going home at night dreading the next day. Something thats just....a job. I don't have fantasies of finding the Best Job, or even that Better Job with a Better Life - I just want something that pays my bills and doesn't keep me up at night. If I could be super passionate, great! I just don't know. I wish I had a calling, something that I knew I wanted to do. Or a path, like my sister, who has her entire career planned out for the next ten years.
But what if it's not out there? What if all jobs pretty much suck in the same ways? But there are these people whose jobs DON'T suck. I talk to Nick and this is the best job he's ever had. Rachel has never been happier. Adam and CJ, while they have an incredibly difficult job, love it. My dad, even - while he is ready to retire, he has been mostly happy at his job for 25 years. Viktor, Annette, Clive, Stacy.....all of these people actually genuinely like their jobs. How do I get there?! How do I know where to go and what to do when my contract ends?!?
And tomorrow is Monday. Not helping. :P Especially after having a lovely Sunday at the farmer's market and having lunch at the organic French bakery to celebrate Mum's birthday.
"And here's the other thing, I don't want to write about the ways in which it sucks, because lately I have a low tolerance for hearing about how people's jobs suck. Most jobs suck in the same ways--the boss is too vague, the hours are too long, the projects aren't exciting, it's impossible to get everything done."
And it got me thinking, because I have become legitimately obsessed with my job and how much it sucks and how much I want to do something else, and most of all...how I don't KNOW what exactly it is that I DO want to do. And the things that Marina said seem to apply exactly to my job as well, which I find worrying - I want to believe that if I just get out of THIS job, the next one will be better. My next boss will actually train me, the next job will have decent hours, the next boss will listen to me, the next project will work, the next the next the next.... what if there IS no next? What if this is pretty much it? I've worked at crappy restaurants and as a telemarketer and all sorts of random stuff to make it through college and theoretically, a Better Job and a Better Life. And what did I wind up with? A job that actually had me on the phone crying to my mom yesterday, and screaming 'I want them all to grow up and go to jail, I don't care!' about the kids at my school. Heh heh, seriously. I was SCREAMING that I wanted the entire fifth grade class to grow up, get crap jobs and wind up on welfare and then GO TO JAIlL. I'm not stressed /angry at all. :P (Breaking teacher's fingers, stabbing each other with needles, blatantly ignoring me when I'm teaching, breaking windows, deliberately disobeying rules...it's been great. And don't get me started on the staff)
I am tempted to list out all of my issues, and I'm tempted to try and prove to all of you that I'm not just complaining, that my problems are real and blah de blah. I mean if you guys want the list, feel free to call me, I'll chew your ear off with whats wrong. :P But I don't want to keep complaining about it, thats totes not gonna help. I don't want to just quit, because a) my term ends in November and I want to see it thru, b) because it's a paycheck, and I'm not stupid enough to just hope that I get another job before my meagre savings run out and c) because I don't know what I want to DO. I just know that I don't want to be someplace that is this toxic. But what is it I want to do? What is this next job that will theoretically be better? What can I do with my life?
Here is what I do love: I love bookstores. I love working in the garden. I love baking. I love working at the farmer's market. I love organizing things. I love cleaning my apartment and having it super sparkly. I love talking to people. I love giving information to people, or helping them find out what they love to do. I love reading/researching/discussing. I love driving. I love talking about sustainable food. I love talking about food in general. I love creating seasonal food recipes. I love learning/talking about learning/helping people learn in a non-pressured environment. I love having people over and making them tea and having clean sheets on the futon and making breakfast for other people. I love talking about what I love.
What the hell can I do with these things? What job can I possibly get that I might LIKE? And if a job I don't love, something that doesn't have me going home at night dreading the next day. Something thats just....a job. I don't have fantasies of finding the Best Job, or even that Better Job with a Better Life - I just want something that pays my bills and doesn't keep me up at night. If I could be super passionate, great! I just don't know. I wish I had a calling, something that I knew I wanted to do. Or a path, like my sister, who has her entire career planned out for the next ten years.
But what if it's not out there? What if all jobs pretty much suck in the same ways? But there are these people whose jobs DON'T suck. I talk to Nick and this is the best job he's ever had. Rachel has never been happier. Adam and CJ, while they have an incredibly difficult job, love it. My dad, even - while he is ready to retire, he has been mostly happy at his job for 25 years. Viktor, Annette, Clive, Stacy.....all of these people actually genuinely like their jobs. How do I get there?! How do I know where to go and what to do when my contract ends?!?
And tomorrow is Monday. Not helping. :P Especially after having a lovely Sunday at the farmer's market and having lunch at the organic French bakery to celebrate Mum's birthday.