Final POV
Hello, here is my final fic in my little series about Jack, Tosh and Ianto. It's the sequel to Normal and Guilt, and it may be a good idea to re-read those first, since I'm well aware I have delayed this one a little (or a lot, possibly??)
As promised, this one is from Jack's point of view, and I hope the ending's alright.
Fandom: Torchwood
Title: Love
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Tosh, Ianto/Tosh
Spoilers: Not much, some DW references and Cyberwoman, I suppose
Rating: Middle - some sexual images, but not graphic. Couple of bad words.
OK, so he’d admit it.
Sex had always been Jack and his superiors/friends/family disagreed on. To him, it was all about sharing. It depended on the other person as to what was shared. With some, it was sharing companionship, the knowledge that you were alive, and human, not totally alone. To others, it was sharing joy - a celebration. With some they were sharing with him one night of their life - they could let him believe, even for that short amount of time, that he was a part of it. He didn’t compare himself to Casanova, but he could see the views of the world’s greatest lover reflected in his own - he fell, very briefly, in love with each of his partners, and there was always something they had that attracted him. Sex wasn’t for the sake of it for him, and even if it was just the way they’d looked at him, just once, or their laugh, or a quick one-liner, he always had a reason, and so he remembered them.
But love. Well, no, not anything more than temporary. He’d had longer affairs where they’d say the words, and he’d tried to explain to the first few that he didn’t feel it, but by now he was starting to wonder. Wonder if it might not be ‘didn’t’ but more like ‘couldn’t’.
Lying there, in the dark, he contemplated a couple of the ‘lovers’ and the ‘sharers’. There had been Kalin, a great girl, lively and fun, but the selling point had been the way she flicked her long ink-blue hair to the left of her neck unconsciously as she laughed. Gul had been a troubled guy (in this century they might diagnose him with bipolar tendencies) and his extreme moods had been scary originally. Yet the anger had led to some of the best sex Jack had experienced at that point in his life, and the smiles when it was over, those small, guilty, lip-biting smiles, had just finished it off. As he thought about them, he couldn’t even remember why both of these relationships had broken up - he vaguely remembered a bet being involved with Kalin, but overall, he knew the truth was that they had told him. Told him that they loved him.
They weren’t the only ones either. More than 20 had said those words, in whatever language - and that was just before he lost his memories to the Time Agency. He’d been growing a reputation as well, one that should really have put people off.
He was charming, he had a devil-may-care approach to life, he was an amazing lover. But the reputation was double-edged. They all knew he often left broken-hearts or chaos behind him. He was a deceptively good Agent, as well as an intergalactic player. Multi-talented.
Then the events in 1941. Well, simply put, they’d changed him. He’d met the Doctor, and Rose, and it was slightly different. He cared for them, a lot, and their relationships were not, technically, what you’d call platonic, but it still wasn’t there. He still didn’t love them.
Maybe the strange thing was, that it was fine by them - they cared a lot for him, and he cared right back, but they loved each other far more. There was no jealousy involved - considering his previous acquaintances, you didn’t expect some of the most open-minded people Jack had ever met to be the last Time Lord and his 21st century shop girl. Never judge a book, Jack, he reminded himself soon after he met them.
No, he’d shared life with them, as well as humour and regrets, but not love. A mental block? A physical impossibility? Still hadn’t felt it.
He rolled over, and realised the sleep he was craving wasn’t going to come just yet. He padded barefoot into his office, pouring himself a glass of water from the jug kindly left on the desk by his thoughtful…assistant? Receptionist? Secretary? General dogsbody? No, left there by his…personal Ianto. Yeah, that sounded better. His personal Ianto. That the other man felt the same was unlikely, but Jack could handle uncertainty, and he wasn’t asking for anything much in return. He knew that Ianto’s attentions couldn’t be limited to one thing, just as much as his. It could be difficult to notice (but that was part of the fun), for example, the smirk when he made the comments Jack was sure no-one else got (except maybe Tosh) - God knew they were too understated for Gwen or Owen. Or the intensity in his eyes during a mission, even if his face betrayed no such emotion. The way he kept his eyes open, staring into Jack’s as he came, thoughts somewhere completely different, and the second where he was completely still as Jack did the same.
He set down the glass, noticing as he did so the small bruise on his hand. Gwen had commented on it earlier, and so had Owen, both surprised at the shape of it. It made sense to him though - he could have covered it, or even perhaps willed it away, but he liked the permanence of the crescent over the base of his thumb. The individual marks had faded, but the reddish shape was imprinted there. He remembered the slight pain he’d felt when her small teeth had bitten his hand, mid-scream, as he held his hand over her mouth. It was the middle of the working day, and the first time she’d let him have her at work, so he had reassured her they wouldn’t be caught. He’d kept his word, muffling her moans and biting her shoulder in the space he’d managed to pull her top away from, to silence his own. Up against the wall in the small rooms below his office, and within an hour, she’d faked a call from her in the city somewhere, so no-one would get suspicious.
He liked her. Tosh was much more than she seemed, restricted by the stereotype she appeared to be.
Computer genius, yes.
Semi-qualified medic, check.
Open-minded oriental with bisexual tendencies and a brilliant sense of humour? Less well-known, even amongst her colleagues. She had a subtle sexuality and a totally different take on society to him, but he was fascinated by her, and the hidden aspects of her personality.
And apparently she was a whole lot better at keeping secrets than some of her friends too. Oh, Ianto had had a good shot, but he got caught with the girl in the basement eventually. Gwen and Owen’s affair? That was so easy to spot he was sure Myfanwy knew. Not exactly subtle, for God’s sakes.
He knew he was alright at keeping secrets, but still, Gwen knew about the immortality thing, Tosh knew bits and pieces, and Ianto knew about his search for the Doctor and Rose. If they all got together they might actually be able to figure it out.
But Tosh? She hadn’t really been trying to keep Mary a secret towards the end, so that didn’t count. The necklace too. But this secret? She hadn’t said a word.
If he had only known her, he wouldn’t have even suspected it, and that was his job. His job? Wait, he was sleeping with her, he berated himself. He really should have realised she was fucking someone else as well.
Ianto was the one who had given it away. Oh, not that noticeably, and again, it was a subtlety missed by Owen and Gwen’s eyes. No, small things, like they way he looked at her lips instead of her eyes when he handed her coffee. The small touches he could only just see as they left the Hub - he’d watched them walk off in different directions, but travelling as long as he had, he knew when to people were having an affair.
His studies into the human psyche told him something else as well though - Ianto may not be quite up to Tosh’s standards at secret-keeping (or lying, depending on your perspective) but he was fooling her. Just as she was fooling him. It was ludicrous really, that he was screwing both of them, about the same amount. And they didn’t realise.
It’d make a fantastically tacky sitcom, Jack decided. But the question was, what was he going to do about this little situation? He knew they weren’t in love, but at the same time, he could see something there. He may not have been in love himself, but he was damn good at seeing the signs in others. They weren’t in love, but he was pretty sure they could be, with a little push in the right direction. All it would take was a little persuasion, a little hinting and then a long, meaningful chat with each of them (separately) about the way a relationship should be carried out within a workplace. If he could remember.
Then he stopped. He sat down in his huge chair, putting his water aside. He felt, very slightly, sad. That he couldn’t remember how to properly conduct a real relationship? No. More that he didn’t want to watch. Voyeurism aside, he wasn’t sure if he could watch her with Ianto. Or if he could watch him with Tosh. It was a bittersweet thought, and he could feel it deep inside him, echoing around with a murmur that felt surprisingly like jealousy. But, of who?
Love didn’t hit Jack Harkness. It didn’t strike with a lightening bolt, and a light didn’t switch on in his head. He didn’t feel all mushy and romantic the first time he realised he was in love. No, instead it was with a deep breath and an overwhelming sense of freedom that he silently admitted it to himself.
It might take him a while to get everything in place, he mused silently, only minutes later. They might take large amounts of evidence, help and nagging. He might not even be able to manage it.
Nah, he’d be fine. Something had to be done, after all. What had all his experience at sex and manipulation been for, if not for this?
Ianto and Tosh didn’t stand a chance. Restraining the urge to call one of hem right now (if only to hear a breathless voice answering the phone - neither of them could ever leave it unanswered) he stood up. That weight lifted of his chest, and an aim for the next period of his life set out in black and white now, he went back to bed. It may not be easy, but it would, he was quite sure, be worth it. Maybe love wasn’t as good as people had told him it was, but he could find out. With the both of them.
Not normal, no guilt, just love.
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Please, please, please tell me what you think?? I was very unsure about the ending....